Sunday, August 30, 2009

And why is it only the bride and groom take a honeymoon?

But seriously now, I want my damn honeymoon. I know brides and grooms do a lot of work to get ready for their weddings, and when I say brides and grooms I really only mean brides, but lets be real honest here; It's everyone else who really does all the shit work. So why don't we get a freaken vacation somewhere after everything is said and done? Okay, I really didn't do that much shit work, I helped decorate for a couple days, ran stupid errands a bunch of times and yadda yadda but I still think I need a vacation. I definitely know my parents need one, so naturally they would take me along. I still am not quite sure what to make of weddings though. On one hand I can see why people have them more than once: You get a huge party focused on you, more gifts than you can ever imagine and then a nice little getaway to top it all off. But on the other hand you have to have about 500 small talk convos with all sorts of randos. I don't know, weddings are just weird, just the whole act of it all. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time at my sister's, it was quite the event. I just feel like it's so much money, and hype, and money, and excitment, and money. And it's all over within less than 24 hrs. Just poof. It's done. It was like Christmas for me, I get really excited all the weeks following up, and then when it's finally here I'm bascially already bummed because I'm like damn, it's gona be gone in just a few hours and then I have to wait another 365 days. But for weddings, I mean, if all goes well you have to wait another 7-10 years to have another, I mean that's the average length of time for the starter marriage these days right? I kid I kid. Okay, I'm rambling now. I also think I might be hungover from this wedding weeekend for about an entire week. Speaking of a hangover, I gotta mention my "maid of honor speech" that crashed and burnt like all wedding speeches do. Next time though, I have to lay down again I'm getting dizzy.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

I guess I'm pretty generic.

So for about the past three or four years of my life I have been asked almost on a daily basis,
"How do I know you? You look really familiar."
I'm not even kidding, I literally get told this all the time. At first, back in the day, I arrogantly thought it was just dorky akward guys way of kinda flirting with me. But then girls would tell me that same thing too. Now I get told it by all sorts of people, so I've decided there are a shit ton of girls (I hope its females we're talking about anyway) that look just like me. Kids in high schools, teachers, store workers, and even a taxi driver once(he actually showed me a picture on his phone of who he thought I looked like) she looked to be about 35, made me feel great to say the least. My favorite though was today while I was at a school, a school that I shall say was a bit, "rough," a student told me that I looked like her bestfriend. Her bestfriend named Shaniqua. That's all I'm saying about that.
I'm officially back in Nafuck for the charade that is known as the LaWolfe Wedding. Should be fun, I'm really excited, actually. I have this vision of a great reception, with an even more beatiful mess to clean up afterward, and me just sitting in my leather chair reflecting back on all of it. Or maybe thats Steve Martin in Father of the Bride I'm thinking of. Either way a good time shall be had.
On a completely side note I was driving through a neighborhood today looking for the school I was supposed to be in when I noticed a somewhat odd traffic sign in front of a house that said, "Caution Deaf Child Lives Here." I thought this was an excellent idea and I wanted to take it even further. Like, what about a sign that said, "Caution Obese Child Lives Here." You know, because like an obese child would most likely be pretty slow to move to get out of the way of a fast driving car. I dont know, it was just a thought.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

"Your salsa just made me throw up in my mouth"

Initially, I was worried that I wouldn’t meet any new people in KC because usually the first way you meet people in a new city is either through work or school. I’m not in school, and I don’t really have co workers because I work from home and just give presentations in different high school classrooms, but boy was I wrong. I didn’t take into consideration all the great teachers I would meet. I’ve only spoken in three classrooms so far and I already know two great ladies, Dee and Cecelia. Man these two ladies are crazy I tell you what. Dee has been a food teacher for thirty years and she could tell me everything I would ever want to know about Days of Our Lives and butter, she schedules her class periods around it actually, the tv show I mean, not butter. And Cecilia, this woman is a hoot. She has taught everything from food, to fashion, to health. But food is definitely her favorite. We chit chatted over coffee in between classes and shared some good laughs.
But on the flipside... I spoke in a very nasty WT class today, I won't mention the school because I myself am too classy to do that. But these kids were rude and dumb as shit.
"So, uh you gona fry that now?" They asked me at least five times.
"No, I am making salsa, it does not need to be fried."
"So, uh, you jus gona bake it then?"
"No, no, I'm not. It doesn not need to be baked either."
SO just so you get where I am coming from, my demo right now is a Jicama salsa. Jicama is like a mexican vegetable, kinda like a potatoe thing. The salsa contains peppers, garlic, pineapple, lime juice ext ext.
"EWWW you putting fruit with vegtabas? Datss nasty."
"Just try it, it's actually really good."
"Hellls no you cant put fruits in no salsa."
Fine whatever, eat the salsa, don't eat it, I really dont care. But the moment I pulled out a bag of chips to eat with the salsa all their mouths started watering. So I decided to mess with them and say they couldnt have any chips with out trying the salsa. So they all, be grudgingly, agreed to, just they could have a fricken handful of chips. I scooped up the finished product onto mini plates and handed it out to each WT kid in the room.
"If this is salsa, how come it aint red?"
I didn't even offer an answer to such an absolutely ass stupid question. This is about the time when one of the girls in the class took a bite and blurted out,
"Oh my gosh, this tastes like throw up, your salsa just made me throw up in my mouth."
At this point I packed up my knifes and got the hell out of Topeka.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Fancied it up.

I figured it was time to add a little fancy schmancy to my page. So I changed the font and added a picture, I didn't want to get too crazy or anything. I like this pic because it displays my long lasting love for 2 things: #1. Saltine crackers and #2. Colored overalls.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Rose colored memories are the best.

I've decided I think it's great how more times than not we only remember the good things about certain events in life. Like say for example sorority life. So last night we all gathered at the good ol KAT house to see the younger ladies and check out how recruitment was going. They sang, we cried, they chanted, we cried, then we all hugged like the wonderful sisters we are. It was all very precious. Where did the time go, did we take full adavantage of living in a house with all of our bestfriends just a room away, can we please trade spots with the youngers? Or at least let them know how quickly it will all be gone? Hmmmm hold on though. While this is all true, and you could tell we genuinely felt this way last night as all of our mascara left trails down our face. I can only speak for myself but I know there was numerous times I couldn't wait to "get the hell out." Living in a house with 70 other girls got real old after the first year. We complained all the time about all the bull shit drama and bull shit loops we sometimes had to jump through and yada yada yada. But whatev, it is what it is. But back to my original point, last night as us 5th years all got pretty sad because we aren't a part of it anymore we didnt remember any of the suff we hated, only what we loved. And I bet it's safe to say as the years go on the crazy fun mems will only sound better and pretty soon we will have completely forgotten about all the moments we thought about dropping ... or was that just me? And all the moments we couldn't wait to "get the hell out." And on another note, I'm not drinking for at least five days, seriously. Having a three hour call with a boss at 7 a.m. while still drunk but just on the verge on hungoverness is the worst f-ing thing I have encountered in a very long time. And I'm still aching now at 11:58 p.m., but I think half my problem might be the pound of bacon I ate last night, is there such thing as OD-ing on bacon? Because if there is I came damn close to it last night.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Hood Rats

Holy hell I'm tired. And I already missed two days of blogging after I promised myself I was gonna do it everyday, damn it. But I have an excuse, I was moving all my shit to KC all weekend so I was really busy, and I didn't have internet set up. Okay, that's a lie, but I honesely wasn't on the computer much except for important matters like facebook updates and perez. I'm too tired to even say anything right now. I've been working on my infamous marketing report for like 5 hours tonight. I think I finally get what it is. I have to have 100 contacts sent to my boss by tomorrow so we can schedule for three hours together. Woo hoo that sounds like too much fun. Im just movitaved by Munday Funday tomorrow. Me and all of my old sorority sisters are getting together for a reunion. Man it feels like ages since I have seen my old pledge sisters... haha dont puke I'm only kidding. But I am genuinely excited to drink with all the theta hookers. Should be a good time. Let's face it I'm just rambling and have nothing good to say. But trust me, my life is about to get super exciting so stay tuned.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Its a process.

So I was up until 3 this morning working on my marketing report for my territory. And somehow I still don't know what a marketing report actually is. I guess I should I have tried to take at least one business course in college, damn it. But hey, at least I can write a great six page essay on Jonathan Swift and his influence on British literature. Speaking of college, as I seem to always be, those damn guidance counselors have really been yanking my chain. I've been meeting with my typical English counselor woman on a weekly basis trying to figure out how in the hell I'm going to graduate while living and working in another state and she said it just didn't seem possible. So I had actually come to terms with dropping out, I mean temporarily, at least. All the successful people in the world seem to have dropped out of college so I figured it was a probably a good idea for me to follow in their footsteps. But anyway, just a week ago I happened to meet with a new counselor who told me I would be able to complete my remaining credits via online courses without a problem. I was compltely WTF have I been stressing out about for the last months then. At which she informed that,
"Well, some guidance counselors just know more than others so we are good at finding loop holes."
Ok, good info I suppose. Might have been a little more helpful, say TWO MONTHS AGO!!! Two months ago so I could have spent a few days during my summer working on classes rather than having to do 9 credits while in the process of moving and starting a new job in which my busiest time is the fall semester. But the good news is I get to graduate in December as planned, which makes me happy because I was scared my parents were going to jip me out of a graduation present if I didn't actually graduate for like 10 years or something.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Man, I love-d college.

I hate moving. I wish I could snap my fingers and have a. everything moved out of my old house and then b. have everything placed nicely in my new house. I need to invent something that makes that possible. So I'm currently taking a break from all the heavy lifting I have been doing to relax on facebook. But I have made an official decision that I am going to try realy hard to write a new post every single day. This should be easy to do pretty soon when I move and will only have one friend in the state, which will be my roommate Sara. But I bet I will make tons of new friends. Oh for sure I will, like with all the fun activities my apartment complex says they have. What with the weekly volleyball games, and movie and popcorn nights and I'm pretty sure they even have a big Chinese checkers tournament that is pretty popular. I can totally see myself mingling with all of my fellow residents in no time...
On another note, I have to officially start my job here in about a week. Technically I have been "working" since July 1, but it was just all that training shit. The last week of August is when I actually start going into highschools to give presentations to juniors and seniors about coming to culinary school. Eeek. I can just imagine myself speaking to a bunch of asshole teenagers while Im dressed in a huge chef coat that says "culinary specialist" on the left side. And then I have to proceed to show of my "knife skills" that I should have by now after all the trainging I have been through. Last week I was all excited to show my parents what a good potatoe chopper I had become, but I was so anxious I grabbed the knife a little too quickly from my traveling knife kit and cut myself before I had even begun. I wish I was kidding. But my cut bled for about 30 minutes, I mean it was the size of a paper cut, but regardless it bled. Cant wait to do that in a classroom and have my blood spill out all over the jicama salsa I will be making for the day. At least salsa is red though right?
One last thing I want so say. When I was Shittsburgh I was passing the time away by flipping through my planner, something I used to do religiously back in the good ol' days of English classes, but anyway I flipped back to my schedule from the months of September and October 08. Big mistake. My schedule for this period of time was full of things such as "Keg race, social, husker game, formal, social, drink, drink more, drink even more, ext." I just don't think I realised how good I had it. Everytime I listen to Asher Roth or whatever his name is I get weirdly mad. I know it should make me happy to think back, but instead I get this weird jealous feeling. I kinda wish that college would just end completely for everyone, like it's just not an option anymore. I don't like the thought of new 18 year olds just starting out. It's just not right. This is all very ironic considering it's my job to get kids excited about college...

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Rape Schmape

So my job has me back on a plane to Pittsburgh again. It seem like I was just here… Sorry about the minor time blip, by the way, life got the best of me for a week or two. But anywho, I once again found myself in the very back f’ing row on the toy plane, basically touching the toilet. Don’t let me forget to mention the AC was broke as well, but only in the back half of the plane, (luckily enough for those bastards in the front half of the plane.) So I guess it was kinda nice that the overbearing scent of sweat and body odor slightly overtook the shit scent that hit me in the face every time someone stepped out of the toilet that was inches from me. Gotta love that. As usual, I had my music on as high as possible until the flight attendant very rudely told me it was must be turned off. Fine, whatever, I know the procedure. I clicked off and showed her the ipod screen showing black. This wasn’t enough for Jenny Powertrip.
“I need you to remove the ear phones from your ears.”
“Um, no, it’s fine, the ipod is off.” I politely replied.
“They need to be completely out.”
“Why?”
“I need to know that you will be able to hear me if I make an important announcement before take off.”
At this point I very maturely rolled my eyes at the wench and removed them. But really, what announcement could be so important that she would announce it quietly enough that I wouldn’t be able to hear due to a pair a dime sized foam ear phones? And let’s not forget I had just had an ongoing conversation with her with the ear phones in the entire time. And for that matter, if we haven’t even taken off who the hell cares, the announcement wouldn’t matter all the much anyway. So now I wonder why are we allowed to listen to music throughout the flight when an “emergency announcement” might seem a little more emergency-ish? Like yah, I would want to make sure I heard “we are crashing” or “the plane has been hijacked” or something along those lines mid flight. But I think the people around me would probably politely tap my shoulder if this were ever the case.
So now I’m currently sitting in an airport restaurant in Detroit, great city by the way, only 2nd to Shittsburgh, that’s called “Online Café.” But today it’s only called Café because there internet is down. So, I’m “blogging” on Microsoft word and plan to transfer later. Yes, I’m that bored. But sitting in this restaurant for over an hour now (by the way, thanks company travel agents for the 3 hour layover) I really can’t quite figure out what might motivate someone to work at an airport. And the more I think about it I don’t actually know someone who does work at an airport. I mean I’ve seen pilots in hotels and stuff, but what about the random book store workers, or the old looking bartender ladies? Seriously, airports are so huge so you would think us outsiders might know more people who work at them, don’t you think? Like oh you know Sally’s husband, Joe, he just got a great job at the Gadgets to Go store at the airport. I just never hear stories like that. Kinda makes me think airport workers live somewhere separate from the rest of us.
So this is what I concluded. Jobs in which travel is required are over rated. Being in a random city with strangers isn’t that sweet. Drinking isn’t that great at night either when you’ve been doing work shit from 7:30 a.m.- 7 p.m. and in the back of your mind you know it’s all about to start all over again in just a few hours. Bottom line is traveling should equal vacation, not work. I’ve found myself numerous times practically hissing at the people in the airport next to me who are decked out in their Tommy Bahama palm tree shirts and long, flowy islandy dresses. They make me sick with envy.
Well, time to try to do the airport nap in the ever so comfortable airport chairs. I can’t even look sleepy tomorrow morning when we start at 7:45 a.m. because it has already been brought to my attention by my boss that I’ve been acting a bit “diva like.” What with my crazy requests like asking to change my flight today so I wouldn’t have to arrive into the ghetto ass airport that is Pittsburgh at 12:00 a.m. all alone. Rape Schmape. Mugged fugged. It’s all good.
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