Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Man, how about that Christmas? Was that a good one or what? Jesus really out did himself in 2011, he blessed the shit out of people. I don’t know if he’s stepping up his game or if people are just being more grateful than usual but if I had a dollar for every person who thanked him on Facebook this weekend for being "so wonderfully blessed" and having "seriously the best family ever" and "loving my life" I probably wouldn’t be at work today… Speaking of work… Not doing so good. This. This whole “me at work on December 27th” is NOT okay. I’m about two hangnails away from really flying off my rocker. Is this for real? Is anybody else seriously working today? I have not worked on Christmas break in over 24 years. Christmas break= December 20ish-January 6ish. Minimum. This will NOT happen again. I’m dying a slow, painful death here at my cold desk. If one more asshole posts something about a ski trip I’m jumping out my window into the Chicago river. Try me. And “teachers” we get it, you get a lot of time off. Good for you. But remember while you’re covered in boogers and glue some of us are actually working in a very professional environment leaving incredibly important voicemails for people who will not return them. Maybe I should become a teacher… But I hate boogers and glue so much. And same goes to all of you stay-at-home mom's with your constant boastful photos of just staying at home, doing stay at home things with your kids, staying all warm and cozy at home not being at work. Well guess what, those cute little babies are going to grow up someday and turn into awkward looking seven year olds and then what? Then the pictures stop. So enjoy your wonderful time at home with them today before they start looking like the cast of Hey Arnold. Sorry, I took it too far. I'm in a bad place today.
I always get postpartum depression after Christmas but this year is more severe than ever. What’s with Christmas’s timing anyway? I feel like it takes forever to get here and we get all prepared by decorating our house and making stupid desserts and listening to Justin Bieber and then BOOM it’s in and out in a day. All your left with is a stomach is full of pickle roll-ups, a bank account encompassed with debt, and a rotting liver. It’s not right. I’m extra sulky today. I can’t help it. I need to time travel back to last week at this time when the fun was just beginning. I want to go to my happy place at the 5th Street bar with a beer in hand and retro Christmas decorations on the wall. Or to Ricardos back door lounge, knee deep in beans and nachos with not a care in the world. Basically anywhere but here. I need a Christmas break damn it, not a Christmas weekend. Or at the very least I wish everybody was back at work today, if I knew everyone was miserable I would feel a whole lot better. And that my friends, is the true meaning of Christmas.
At least I’ve got New Years to look forward to. No way in hell this night will let me down and I will tell you why. Let me paint you a picture of NYE 2010: Topeka, alone on my couch, sipping champagne, alone on my couch, alone. Couch. Topeka. Champagne (cheap beer actually.) So no matter what happens, NYE 2011 will be awesome. I don’t even care if Westboro shows up where I am to protest, it will still be great. Not to mention I will be with a really great group of people at the Hard Rock downtown. In case you don’t know, the Hard Rock is like totally cool, almost as cool as Plant Hollywood circa 1992.
But who cares about New Years right now, that seems forever away. I’d prefer to sulk for a few more hours. Poor me. My life is so terrible. Nobody else in this entire world knows what I'm going through or works as hard at doing nothing as I do. Today sucks, it's almost as bad as posting a status that no one comments on. Not even a simple "like" would suffice for today.