Shit Bloggers Say

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Alright, so I'm really trying hard to immerse myself into this whole blogging culture.
 For reals,
I had NO IDEA how in depth the blogging world is.
Every day I learn something new. 
And every day I'm reminded how my blog seems so old school still.
But I'm working on it.
In the midst of my research I've come up with this:

Shit Bloggers Say

So how do I get more followers?

Html is like really complicated.

I'll google the code.

I need sponsors.

Do you think I have enough followers for sponsors yet?

Do you have a button?

You totally need a button.

Button swap?

I got over 1,000 views today!

I hardly got any views today.

Do you think if I leave a comment she'll follow me back?

Omg ____ just followed me! That's like a big deal!

Why didn't ____ follow me back? I don't get it.

I just really have to write a post tonight.

I have nothinggggg to write about.

For real, what should I write about?

My post was such a force today.

I have a feeling this post is going to get a lot of hits.

Blogging is actually a lot of work.

That's totally going on the blog.

I just really want to get more followers.

Should I pay someone to design my blog?

Have you noticed a lot of the popular bloggers are Mormon?

Maybe blogger Gods just like Mormons more. (Or maybe I just say this.)

Why won't this format right? 

Why is the text being so weird?

Why won't this center?

It's like frozen.

I am going to freak out on blogger right now.

Blogging is actually pretty hard.

She has like so many followers.

Will you take a photo of me real quick?

Hold on, I need to get a photo for the blog.

Yeah, it's for the blog.

I just wish my blog was prettier.

Blogging is like my full time job.

I wish blogging was my full time job.

I'll just do a giveaway.

Did you sign up for her giveaway?

I really thought I was going to win that giveaway.

I just really wish blogging was like my job.

I got three new followers today! That's like a lot in blog world.

I need more followers.

I think I might write a book...

Everything I Should Know, I Didn't Learn In Kindergarden

So I'm still waiting to hear if I got the job...
I got word that I made it on to the final round, but I thought Monday's interview was the final round.
So now I play the waiting game.
and I am not good at this game.
I actually hate this stupid ass game.
You see, patience for me is not a virtue,
it's a myth.
I just don't have it.
And here I was so looking forward to posting on Facebook "I got the job!" Jk, I wouldn't post that. 
Yeah, I would. I love Facebook gratifcation.
These are going to be the longest days as I sit and wait and wonder.
Why oh why didn't I listen to my Kindergarten teacher when she told me,
"slow down, you need to learn patience, Taylor."
Had I learned that way back then I wouldn't be in this predicament right now.
Come to think of it, almost all of my bad habits started way back when and I was told to fix them from an early age but never did.
Even as a five year I was a hard headed little SOB.

I feel like my expression here just says, 
"take the damn photo already, I got shit to do."

1. Lacks Patience-
Which will lead to inability as a 25 year old to wait and find out if they got the job which will lead to stalking emails and phone calls to prospective employer which will lead to ... not getting the job.

2. Does Not Play Well With Others-
Which will lead to spending a majority of time on a Blog/Facebook/Twitter as an adult due to lack of socialization with peers.

3. Makes Sassy and Sarcastic Comments Toward Teacher-
Which will lead to a 25 year old who has problems with authority. Also see #2.

4. Speeds Through Work Too Fast, Needs To Slow Down-
Don't act like you haven't noticed my grammar errors on here.

5. Does Not Settle Down During Nap Time-
Which will lead to a 25 year old who requires a good glass bottle of wine or two every night in order to wind down. This one isn't so bad...

6. Asks For Help Before Trying to Solve on Their Own-
Which will lead to a 25 year old who often gets in fights with call center people from India. Sorry, I usually get very bitchy and then immediately apologize. But why does setting up an internet router have to be so damn difficult?

And I'll stop right there before I find myself in a mini counseling session regarding various childhood decisions that have led me to the person I am today.
And also because the internet at Starbucks is being super flaky and I'm about to flip.
See, there goes the whole patience thing again.
Isn't it weird how we've all adjusted to technology and rather than appreciating it we just demand it now?
Like yesterday when my Pandora wasn't working on my run and I was beyond mad ready to throw my phone against the tree.
Settle down Jenny Heart Attack.
Five years ago I was happy just to have an iPod. And before that an MP3 player.
Before that, dare I say discman?

Funny how that happens.
Catch ya later.