Here is an open letter to the stars at the Academy Awards
Clooney: I thought I'd let you know it amazes me that in real life I wouldn't go for a guy over 30. However, for you I would push the envelope...by 20 years.
Shailene Woodley: I LOVED your dress. I have to know which nun designed it!
Pharell: You looked about as natural in a tuxedo as Kim Kardash looks in conservative clothing.
Emma Stone: We already figured the drapes matched the carpet, but the dress really needed to also?
Jennifer Lopez: You, your nipple, and Cameron Diaz did an awesome job presenting the award for best costume design.
Rooney Mara: A beautiful face can pull off being flat, but it takes a great ass to pull of indentations in your chest. Nice work girlfran
Puff Daddy: (Diddy, Sean, pdiddy?) I appreciate that you read my blog post on middle parts. I take full responsibility for not specifying that it was directed towards women.
Sacha Baron Cohen: Sucks you weren't nominated this year, at least you won Douche Bag of the night award.