Chpt 9- On Profile Photos and Photo Albums

Monday, April 30, 2012

As of tomorrow my birthday is less than 16 days away.
Which means the best day of the year on Facebook is less than 16 days away as well.
You know what this means?
I need to find a new profile picture.
One that says
"Hey I'm fun and happy to be 25!
and I'm tan.
and I don't have photo fat arm going on."
So yeah, 
that's what I need to accomplish this weekend.
In my self absorbed desire to find a good PPP (potential profile pic)
I was reminded of 
chapter 9-On Profile Photos and Photo Albums 
from that little book I wrote last year,
Facebook Girl: The girl we want to hate, but love to creep.

and yes, I designed the cover all on my own in case you were wondering.
I obviously wanted it to look super professional. and chic.
Anyway, just for shits and giggles I thought I'd go ahead and repost chapter 9 below. 
Just for a little refresher in case you're interested.
Chapter 9- On Profile Photos and Photo Albums

Refer to the Rule of B’s.
 When choosing a profile photo the best advice is to simply follow the Rule of B’s- 
boys, boobs, booties, booze, boots, balls, boyfriends, bikinis, bars, babies, bunnies, ext.
 The more B’s in the picture the better. It’s pretty standard stuff. I only figured out the Rule after extensive, long hours spent researching Facebook Girl. And then once it dawned on me, it was so obvious. I started to wonder who else knew about the Rule? Believe it or not, I found a few Facebook Boys who know the rule, as well. But that is another chapter. 
So as I have mentioned a time or two, a profile picture is one of the most important photos you will choose in your Facebook life. If Facebook was a reality show on ABC, the best profile photo might be called the First Impression Photo. It is the first shot in which others will judge you, I mean until they start creeping on your tagged photos and photo albums. Now most people choose a profile photo from one of their photo albums. If all goes well, a new photo album will typically result in a new profile photo. Unless of course you suffer from the Winter Ugly Disorder as I myself do and tend to look more like a cast member from The Hills Have Eyes and opt out of most photos from about November-March.

Common indicators that you might have a PPP (potential profile photo) would include some, but are not limited to the following criteria: skinny side arm, tan face, voluminous hair, not drunk eyes, sunset in background, new outfit, or any photo which clearly indicates you are on a vacation- to name a few. It is also pretty standard to choose a seasonally appropriate photo i.e. Football photo during the fall, ski photo for winter, spring break photo for spring and a lake or pool photo for summer. Of course exceptions can always be made during birthday and engagement months, as well.
The connection between a photo album and profile photo for Facebook Girl pretty much doesn’t exist. This is merely because most photos are taken solely for the purpose of a new profile photos rather than being chosen from an album. Should it be the case the photo did happen to come from an album it is most likely because Fbgirl said to a friend something along the lines of, 
“here, take a picture of me having fun because I really need a new profile pic.” 
Another great idea on her behalf, I feel. By doing so, she never even has to attempt to take a camera out to capture shots with other "friends" in the photo. I know I only have about a thirty minute window from the time I am finished getting ready until the time I have had a few drinks in which I might take a photo that is acceptable. Facebook Girl just makes sure to take a good photo by taking it before even leaving the house. And by taking it while she is getting ready. A few prime settings would include the bathroom (obviously) full length bedroom mirrors, or even a drivers seat in a car has become quite popular I have noticed. While learning to work a self timer is the best option, using your own extended arm can work, as well. And it's best if the photo is always of just Fbgirl, anyone else in the picture is just distracting. Regardless of what you might be wearing (dress, skirt, low cut anything, or even a nightie) just refer to the Rule of B's. If there is not at least 3 B's, don't even bother. Booty+boots+booze= good. Booty+boobs+boots+bikini=great! You get the idea. The best part about all of this is that by the conclusion of the numerous profile photo shoots taken Fbgirl often finds herself with her very own photo album created. An album of just her!
FbGirl Status Updates:
FbGirl: "Pretty bored so I just added a few new pics, check em' out... I mean when your gf isn't around. lol."

Oh don't be coy Fbgirl, you don't have to pretend you only did it because you were bored. LTISM. 
(Laughing Til I Shit Myself)

FbGirl: "Pics from last night are hilarious. Omg. Can't believe how crazy we got."

And by "we" do you mean "I?" Because the only photos seem to be of you, unless of course it wasn't your self timer taking the photos of you drinking two margaritas at once in your bathtub.

FbGirl:"Some people are just creepy. I just got a message from a man who looks like he's 40 saying I am the girl of his dreams. Gross!"

Double gross! Why would a photo of you blowing a kiss with your hair in pig-tails dressed in a school girl outfit make a creepy man dream about you? Ick!

FbGirl: "You gotta be pretty obsessed with yourself to have an entire album of just you."

Just when I think you won't give me anymore you throw something like this out.

May Day Eve

Looks like my first blog Link Up went over like my first prom dress-
a little bit awkward and very unnecessary.

At least I had a good tan orange going on...
For the record this is the first time I've been officially okay with making this photo public,
it only took nine years. 
Holy shit I went to prom nine years ago. 
Why does it look like I just came out of a bottle?
As in a genie in a bottle.
I wish I could travel back in time and insist I wear an actual dress 
rather than this bizarre bikini-top & sarong ensemble.
I would probably like to take my 15 year old arms with me to the future though.
The dangly belly button ring however can remain in 2003.

the blogger people have spoken (or haven't)
and I'm just not ready for my own Link Up.
It's fine, totally understandable.
Maybe I'll give it another shot when I get to 20,000 followers.

Other than that,
today has been another dreary day in Chicago.

So Harlow and I spent the day inside getting some work done,
doing some writing,
and lounging just a bit...
Until the rain finally eased up and we were able to head outside for some fresh air.

I snapped this shot while we were on our walk, 
and thanks to Instagram 
I think it looks pretty good.
And you know what they say,
April showers bring May beer gardens.
It needs to warm up here like ASAP so I can start getting some use out of the wonderful little patio we are about to inherit in two weeks here when we finally move.

Excited tomorrow is May Day.
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for this faux holiday.
But who wouldn't love a holiday that involves dropping baskets of candy on your neighbor's porch and then running away hoping you don't get kissed.
Or maybe that's just how we celebrated May Day in the town I grew up in.
Because as I rewrite it now it sounds pretty damn creepy.
I'm starting to wonder if my Nebraska neighbors weren't all just a bunch of pedophiles...

I'll be participating in the fun of May Day tomorrow.
I've got an interview in the morning,
and then I'll be delivering May baskets full of popcorn and peanuts and M&Ms 
all afternoon to neighbors I don't know.
Should be fun. 


Sunday, April 29, 2012

I don't watch much TV,
is what I used to say when I liked to pretend I didn't watch a lot of TV.
But now I think you'd just be ignorant not to watch all of the good shows the wonderful world of television has to offer currently.
Especially on Sunday nights.
I can barely contain my excitement for 
2. Mad Men
3. Real Housewives of New Jersey (I have to watch some filth to make me feel okay about my own life.)

My favorite right now being GIRLS- 9:00 p.m. on HBO. 
If you don't have HBO loosen up the pockets and get it- says the girl who got it just because it's free in Chicago for the next three months.
it's about four post college girls struggling their way through NYC.
Original, I know.
But it's a lot darker, a lot more sarcastic and not nearly as glittery and Jimmy Choo'd as Sex and the City.
Some people don't like this about the show,
at this stage in my life, I do.
(because I'm a sassy city girl struggling my way through Chicago, obviously.)

So what if all of the actresses come from real life rich New York families.

 (going left to right)
1. Allison Williams- you might recognize her father, Brian Williams. You know, from a little show called NBC Nightly News.

2. Jemima Kirke- her father was the drummer in the band Bad Company.

3. Lena Dunahm- her father is some famous photographer in NYC and her mother is an actor.
Lena is also the 25 year old writer, director and producer of the show.
If that doesn't make you feel shitty about your own 24 year old life, I don't know what would. 

4. Zosia Mamet- Her grandfather was one of the writers of "The Sound of Music."

I happen to think it's fun to watch rich people act like they're poor.

Favorite quotes thus far:

"Um, it's more of like a Forrest Gump inspired fear." (on aids)

and I thought I was the only one.

But if the image of Jenny strung out on heroine standing on a ledge in a glittery top on new years eve doesn't scare you away from dirty drug needles, I don't know what would.

"I hate any bar where they call the bartenders mixologists."
So do I. 
What's next, should we start calling fast food workers foodologists?

"I never know when I'm going to get my period, that's why all of my underwear have weird dark spots all over them."
Noooooo. Too much. But this is why I like GIRLS, they make it too much, quite often.

"I don't do coke. It makes me shit my pants."
Reason #87 why I am too scared to try hard drugs. 

"She's so self absorbed, who is late for their own abortion?"
Abortions aren't funny.
But I couldn't help but chuckle at this line.
Although, I have no way to relate to it because I'm from Nebraska and we don't have abortions there, we just raise the baby in our parents basement the Amurican way. 

I'll stop there because I can see I'm not doing Lena Dunham any justice.
You have to hear them straight from her cynical little mouth.

Tune in.
Unless you're easily offended, in that case you probably shouldn't be reading this blog then, either.

Monday is just hours away. Get excited.

Friday Letter Link-Up

Friday, April 27, 2012


Dear Harlow,

Please stop whining at the peanut butter M&Ms on the table. You can't eat them. We've gone over this. The chocolate may not kill you, but you will be so hyper I will probably kill you.

Dear Laundry,

Please do yourself. It was over ambitious of me to attempt to start you at 4:30 p.m. on a Friday. We both knew this.

Dear Flat Iron,

It's been about a month since you died on me in Italy. I miss you a lot. Especially on days like today when I would like to go out tonight.  I haven't replaced you yet so your memory is still alive in the weird hairs by my ears that won't lay straight...

Dear Emily Maynard,

Can your season start already? I'm embarrassed to admit how excited I am to watch you find your new man. Even if all the guys are all douches, which they always are, I'm sure it will be a great season never the less.

Dear Chicago weather,

Time to take your meds again. 80 degrees in March, 40 degrees in April? We need to get you balanced. This is too much.

Dear Month of May,

Let's make this the best month yet. I turn 25. I'm going to get a new job. I'm going to sell my book, speaking of....

Dear Readers,

If you're in the mood for a giggle check out the ironic children's book I wrote called, A Bottle For You. A Bottle For It's on sale now, we appreciate each and every purchase :)

Dear Real Housewives of New Jersey,

You're backkkkkk. And I love it. This is going to be Melissa's season. Toodles Theresa.

Dear Summer Tan,

Ready to come back yet? It's been almost ten months now. My glowing skin is starting to scare Harlow.

Dear Glass of Chardonnay,

Your time has come. Wanna hang? 

Shit Bloggers Don't Say

Just because I had a little too much fun with
"Shit Bloggers Say"
and because it was so nice to see how many of you left comments that you completely agree
(which was a relief knowing I'm not the only crazed blogger obsessing about this stuff) 
I decided to write its counterpart-

Shit Bloggers Don't Say

Ugh, another follower?

Blogging is so much easier than I ever thought it would be.

I'm like never short on ideas on what to write about it.

I'm just scared my blog is going to get too popular, you know?

And it's like the followers just come to me.

Other bloggers? I don't really know of many.

Html is just like second nature to me.

I don't ever compare my blog to other blogs. Why would I?

I think it's so cool to see a blog that's newer than mine get so many more followers than me in no time at all.

I just don't understand the point of having sponsors on a blog.

Do I daydream about blogging being my job? Ha, never. That's dumb.

There's just not enough good blogs out there, sometimes I think mine is the only one.

The DayBook blog? Never heard of it.

Rockstar Diaries? Doesn't ring a bell.

I love taking photos of myself, it's not awkward at all.

The best ones are the ones I take in the bathroom mirror.

I am so photogenic it's not even funny!

Getting paid to blog would be so annoying!

 I honestly don't even notice when I get another follower.

I really have no idea how many views my page gets a day.

Would I want people to pay me as advertisers? Definitely not.

I wish people would stop leaving such nice comments all of the time.

I hate when I randomly see my button on other blogs, it's like ask first why don't ya?

I'm just glad everyone I know takes my blog as seriously as I do.

Why is it so easy to get followers?

Do I refresh my blog frequently through out the day to see if I get more views? Never.

Sometimes I wish my posts took longer to write, I just whip them out all of the time.

I never doubt myself, I know all of my posts are awesome.

I hate it when another blogger mentions me on their blog or twitter, it's so weird!

It would just suck if blogging was your actual job.

If one more person follows me today I am going to quit my blog.

Enough is enough.

Gang Banging at the Dog Park

Finally some sunshine in Chicago!

It's been dreary and grey for at least the last four days.
I had my usual Friday morning of getting up and going to yoga, picking up Starbucks on the way home, and then grabbing Harlow for a quick run.
And by usual, I mean today was my first day ever doing this, and by "run" I mean "walk."
But it sounds so nice to pretend this is routine doesn't it?
I am still pretty new to yoga. 
But I actually really like it.
I like the calming feeling it gives me, I know this might come as a shock to some, but sometimes I can be a little "intense" or "high strung."
And I sweat more doing Vinyasa than I ever have on a treadmill, so for those of you naysayers who don't think yoga is a workout... well then I must be insanely out of shape because my muscles are more sore than ever after just three classes.
The only problem is my yoga mat...

Besides the ugly flowers (it was the cheapest mat at Nordstrom rack, judge me!) you'll also notice the peculiar square cut out of the bottom...
One day I came home from work and found it like this.
So either Harlow chewed a perfect square in the mat, or our dog walker cut out a perfect square.
I don't know if I should be pissed or incredibly impressed.
Neither option really makes mush sense to me.
I haven't bought a new one just because I find it so amusing. (and because I'm cheap.)

After yoga I took Harlow to the dog park for a little playtime.

And all was going quite well until some little gang bangers from the high school next store told me to
"get yo dumb *** dog on a motha ****** leash."
Oh hells no.
I've got this problem, where if people start talking poorly to me, I can't just be quiet and not say anything.
It's always been this way.
I don't ever going looking for verbal fights, that's just ridiculous.
But if someone is rude enough to speak to a stranger in that manner, I have to say something back.
It's just my nature. And they need to learn manners, damn it.
Now I'm not very big, per say... 
And I probably didn't necessarily look very tough today
dressed in my yoga attire with a nice red scarf around my neck, my blonde hair in a high bun, 
but I pranced right over to those thugs and said 
"Excusssse me? What did you say?"
And this is the time when I need to say to myself,
I'm not in Nebraska anymore... I'm not in Nebraska anymore.
This is Chicago. Do you know how many people were shot last weekend alone?
Probably. I have no idea, I made that number up. 
But I know a lot of people get killed down on the soufside.
Point of the matter, I need to check myself. 
They ever so rudely told me to leash my dog.
Who knew gangs were so proactive about Chicago leash laws?
So I told them they needed to leash themselves.
They looked a little scary, I doubted the tear tattoo I noticed under one of their eyes was a tear of gratitude or happiness...
So I very quickly replied "he's fine."
And then we ran away.

And we ran right into this guy.

Meet Sammy. 
Thugs don't mess with Sammy.
He is 163 lbs. I feel like this picture doesn't do him justice, however.
I could saddle Sammy up and ride him in a street parade. 
This guy was huge. And soooo lovable.
I love big doggys.

To give you a better of idea of Sammy's size,
 here he is being chased by a doberman and a pit/lab mix.

And that's been my Friday thus far.
Hope yours is just as exciting.


Shit Bloggers Say

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Alright, so I'm really trying hard to immerse myself into this whole blogging culture.
 For reals,
I had NO IDEA how in depth the blogging world is.
Every day I learn something new. 
And every day I'm reminded how my blog seems so old school still.
But I'm working on it.
In the midst of my research I've come up with this:

Shit Bloggers Say

So how do I get more followers?

Html is like really complicated.

I'll google the code.

I need sponsors.

Do you think I have enough followers for sponsors yet?

Do you have a button?

You totally need a button.

Button swap?

I got over 1,000 views today!

I hardly got any views today.

Do you think if I leave a comment she'll follow me back?

Omg ____ just followed me! That's like a big deal!

Why didn't ____ follow me back? I don't get it.

I just really have to write a post tonight.

I have nothinggggg to write about.

For real, what should I write about?

My post was such a force today.

I have a feeling this post is going to get a lot of hits.

Blogging is actually a lot of work.

That's totally going on the blog.

I just really want to get more followers.

Should I pay someone to design my blog?

Have you noticed a lot of the popular bloggers are Mormon?

Maybe blogger Gods just like Mormons more. (Or maybe I just say this.)

Why won't this format right? 

Why is the text being so weird?

Why won't this center?

It's like frozen.

I am going to freak out on blogger right now.

Blogging is actually pretty hard.

She has like so many followers.

Will you take a photo of me real quick?

Hold on, I need to get a photo for the blog.

Yeah, it's for the blog.

I just wish my blog was prettier.

Blogging is like my full time job.

I wish blogging was my full time job.

I'll just do a giveaway.

Did you sign up for her giveaway?

I really thought I was going to win that giveaway.

I just really wish blogging was like my job.

I got three new followers today! That's like a lot in blog world.

I need more followers.

I think I might write a book...

Everything I Should Know, I Didn't Learn In Kindergarden

So I'm still waiting to hear if I got the job...
I got word that I made it on to the final round, but I thought Monday's interview was the final round.
So now I play the waiting game.
and I am not good at this game.
I actually hate this stupid ass game.
You see, patience for me is not a virtue,
it's a myth.
I just don't have it.
And here I was so looking forward to posting on Facebook "I got the job!" Jk, I wouldn't post that. 
Yeah, I would. I love Facebook gratifcation.
These are going to be the longest days as I sit and wait and wonder.
Why oh why didn't I listen to my Kindergarten teacher when she told me,
"slow down, you need to learn patience, Taylor."
Had I learned that way back then I wouldn't be in this predicament right now.
Come to think of it, almost all of my bad habits started way back when and I was told to fix them from an early age but never did.
Even as a five year I was a hard headed little SOB.

I feel like my expression here just says, 
"take the damn photo already, I got shit to do."

1. Lacks Patience-
Which will lead to inability as a 25 year old to wait and find out if they got the job which will lead to stalking emails and phone calls to prospective employer which will lead to ... not getting the job.

2. Does Not Play Well With Others-
Which will lead to spending a majority of time on a Blog/Facebook/Twitter as an adult due to lack of socialization with peers.

3. Makes Sassy and Sarcastic Comments Toward Teacher-
Which will lead to a 25 year old who has problems with authority. Also see #2.

4. Speeds Through Work Too Fast, Needs To Slow Down-
Don't act like you haven't noticed my grammar errors on here.

5. Does Not Settle Down During Nap Time-
Which will lead to a 25 year old who requires a good glass bottle of wine or two every night in order to wind down. This one isn't so bad...

6. Asks For Help Before Trying to Solve on Their Own-
Which will lead to a 25 year old who often gets in fights with call center people from India. Sorry, I usually get very bitchy and then immediately apologize. But why does setting up an internet router have to be so damn difficult?

And I'll stop right there before I find myself in a mini counseling session regarding various childhood decisions that have led me to the person I am today.
And also because the internet at Starbucks is being super flaky and I'm about to flip.
See, there goes the whole patience thing again.
Isn't it weird how we've all adjusted to technology and rather than appreciating it we just demand it now?
Like yesterday when my Pandora wasn't working on my run and I was beyond mad ready to throw my phone against the tree.
Settle down Jenny Heart Attack.
Five years ago I was happy just to have an iPod. And before that an MP3 player.
Before that, dare I say discman?

Funny how that happens.
Catch ya later.

Tuesday Night at Wrigley

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

And it was a perfect night for a ball game yesterday.
The skies were blue, the stadium was full, and beer was flowing- for $7.50 a piece mind you.

Our seats were really good, especially considering they were roughly $10 a piece.
Look at Chris's cheeks all flushed with excitment.

And my favorite kind of dinner is a dog at the ball park. And the nachos we got shortly after. 
And the Taquitos we ate right when we got home... Why is game food so unfilling? 
Or is that just me? 
I think I could have eaten everything on the menu and still be hungry for more. 

The thing I love about Wrigley is how old fashioned the stadium feels.
The thing I hate about Wrigley is how old fashioned the stadium feels.
It took me roughly 45 minutes to figure out to tell score on the old green score board.
By the end I just started checking the score on my phone.
Which thankfully I had service- huge relief I know!

And even though it was a nice night...
It was a wee bit chilly.
This was my last beer before I switched to hot chocolate.
Cold weather is for football, I prefer to be in shorts and a tank top at a baseball game. 
I did see a tank top last night, but it was just one very obese Chicago man who looked like he probably wears tank tops year round.
Like I always say,
if ya got the body why not flaunt it.

We were pleased to see we had front row seats for the old man orchestra.
A talented bunch they were.

Even though it was a low scoring game for a majority of the time,
the Cubbys pulled out a win!
Woo hoo!
Couldn't think of a better way to spend a Tuesday evening.

Save Jessica Simpson's Baby!

This is kind of a serious situation.
But what is going on with Jessica Simpson's baby? Or lack their of.
I'm worried. Is nobody else?
How long are we going to wait this out until it just turns into a full on rescue mission?
Somebody (Joe Simpson probably) needs to man up, put a flashlight on their head, grab a shovel, and head inside of her and pull out that trapped Chilean miner! 

Hasn't it been like 27 months now?
I mean, bless her heart, but we all know Jess isn't the brightest Molly in the pill jar.
The poor girl couldn't tell tuna from chicken.
How are we supposed to know if she didn't think her water breaking was just another bed wetting accident? 
I have all the reason to believe that sweet Jack baby inside of her is lost somewhere in the depths of her uterus writing SOS letters and painting faces on a volleyball.

Do I think Jess ate a volleyball?
Yes, yes I do.
Have you seen the girl?
I think she ate the entire gym class metal bin of balls somewhere along the lines.
But I love it! 

Good for her.
When If I should ever choose to get pregnant I plan to do the same thing someday.
Why not?
It's the one time in life you have a legitimate reason to freak out just because you're hungry.

Nothing is more annoying than all of those skinny actresses who go through their pregnancy eating tofu and cigarettes just they can remain slim and give birth to another Rachel Zoe.
The last thing we need in this world are more Rachel Zoe babies.
So that's why we need to save that Precious-of-a-baby inside of Jessica before it's too late.
It's time to band together and get that thing out.

That's it.
Pulling for ya, Jess.
You'll be back in those Daisy Dukes in no time...
Oh, I'm sorry, we both know you never will be.
But it was fun while it lasted right? 

Show Me the Money

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Well the interview yesterday went...
pretty good.
First thing I always judge on is the handshake. This is soooo important.
The interviewee's handshake was: firm. 
But not scary firm, like "I want you to know I'm the dominant male and could crush you with my hand" firm. Just good firm.
My handshake is firm as well, firm in the "dominant male I could crush you with my hand" kind of way. And I pride myself on that.
I despise the weak half ass hand shakes I've seen where it's like the person almost gives you their hand like they're ready for you to kiss it. 
This is the 90's people. C'mon.

I was asked all of the standard questions-
What are your strengths?
Blogging. And taking my dog to the beach every day.

Snickers Ice Cream bars. Posting photos of my dog at the beach every day. And happy hour.

Name a time you overcame a weakness-
Today, when I didn't respond to 85% of Facebook statuses with something like,
"nobody really gives a shit."

Which would be so hypocritical of me anyway. Because I post stupid shit all of the time, as well.
Just not gym photos (because I don't go to a gym) 
or complainy poor me statuses 
"I just wish things would go my way for once" #selfpityboohoo
get off Facebook and maybe they will...
And that's why my Facebook is better than yours. Jk. But ...

the questions were asked and I answered in my best salesman voice possible.
By the end of the interview I was screaming
Seriously. I got out of control with my interview self.
But I'm happy to report I didn't have to resort to making any uncomfortable/inappropriate jokes.

However I didn't walk out of there with a job offer in hand as I had hoped.
Turns out, there are actually two other candidates being interviewed this week!
As Stephanie Tanner would say, 

I so arrogantly thought I was the last one. 

And other than that, today was going swimmingly until I made the mistake of watching just a bit of Terms of Endearment while I ate my lunch. 
Now I'm a wreck.
All I can think about is who is going to raise baby Melanie and would Tommy ever grow into a confident young man.

I have to get my act together though.
Chris and I are going to the Cubs game tonight.
The only good thing about having a terrible team is $7 weekday tickets. 
Woohoo hot dogs and beer!
Expect to see numerous (and very important) Facebook updates later this evening.
Stadium service permitting of course... which might be the most frustrating thing about attending large events.
If I can't tweet/Fb about it, how can I brag to people I'm there?

Say hello to my bloggy friend, Erin!

In honor of this lovely Tuesday, Erin from is going share a little bit of her infinite wisdom with all of you. Get excited, she writes a pretty great blog- it's actually one of the few I read every single day. It's witty, comical and full of much better advice than I could probably ever give. Here she is!

 Well hello there you Daily Tay fans.
My name is Erin and I write over at Living In Yellow.
A blog that is dedicated to nothing at all.
I take that back. I do write about wine a lot.
And shopping. And how I am the midst of a 60 day shopping sabbatical.
Which takes me back to why I write about wine a lot.
You can learn everything you need to know about me and more over here.

Now I know that if you read Taylor's blog, you have a pretty good sense of humor.
Let's face--homegirl is hilarious.
In fact, she is one of my favorite bloggers out there.
Yes, I got paid $20 to say that.
She really is.

Knowing that I like humor, Taylor likes humor, and you like humor, I thought it would only be fitting to make this humorous.
And if you don't like humor, well then..
you suck.
I would say kidding, but that would be a lie.

Every other Tuesday over on my blog, I write a series called "Dear Erin,"
It is supossed to be one of those "solving all of life's problems" type of columns{think Dear Abby}
except my readers like to ask questions that look a little bit like this.

Dear Erin,
Hey! I don't know if this qualifies for your advice post since it's not hilarious. Like at all...but I need to know something. I need advice...about your hair. The color to be precise. What do you tell your hair person you want when you get your hair did? Do they foil it? Pull it through a cap? Paint it on freestyle? Is it bleach or color? And I'm gonna be all kinds of jealous if I find out you DIY that beautifulness!
Pimp My Weave

Dear Pimp My Weave,
Let me start by saying thank you.
As you can tell below, this masterpiece that sits atop my head has always been blessed.
I urge you not to be jealous of this matter.
While not everybody can pull off the "I want to be mistaken for a boy" and "crimped chipmunk" look, I certainly could.
Thank you Jesus.
Because of my fortunate hair genes, I have never had to tell my hairstylist what I would like done.
I simply sit down in her chair {once every 6-8 months..holler roots} and say
"Just do what you normally do".
This equates to the following:
--Not wetting my hair before cutting. Just going straight at it.
--The highlights you speak of. That is a nice mix of bleach {so healthy for your hair I hear} and some color of light brown I think? I think being the main point in that sentence. Oh, and because I am all for not having to sit in that chair for very long, I only have the top of my hair done. And yes, she does simply just foil it alternating between the beautiful bleach and color.
--After all of this, I exit the salon with dripping wet hair.
True story.
I've got things to do and my hair is not one of them.
Fortunately enough, I somehow walk away from all of the following with this look every time. For the past 8 years. I would hate to have to switch up my stylists routine ya know? That's just rude.
Dear Erin,
I'm 23 and I need some advice on alcohol.
Now, not saying you drink a lot of it....ok maybe you do drink enough of it that almost each post shares you are having some wine and ect. So you must have some good suggestions for me?!
I have tried several alcoholic beverages in the past few years and I have found nothing that tasted good to me! Am I just doomed to never enjoy a glass of wine now and then? Is there a way to feel all sophisticated if I don't like martinis? Show me your ways!

What do you mean I drink a lot?

I take great offense.
But because I have {very limited} experience in the alcohol department, I will help a sister out.
Drinking can be an acquired taste for those of us who did not attend college.
Or for those of us who did not have their first full beverage until they turned 21.
Surprisingly enough, this is true. I can hear the gasps now. I know. All the fun I missed out on.
Anyhow, wine and beer used to be my enemies.
Fruity cocktails though however, have always been near and dear to my heart.
So I suggest you start there.
With something that tastes absolutely nothing like alcohol.
Think fuzzy navels//key lime pie martinis//apple wine//vodka waters with lemon.
If this approach seems too wussy, I have a better suggestion.
Stomach a few shots of what have you {Everclear anyone?} and before you know it--you will be able to drink anything your heart desires and not notice the taste.
Others will stare in envy as you tear through that bottle of Jim Beam.
But always remember--drink in moderation.
Unless you want to have fun.
In which case, party on girlfriend.


So what do you say you join us on solving the world's problems?
Every other Tuesday.
Same place. Same time.

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