Today I headed out to the lovely suburbs to meet some of my new coworkers.
They are a lively bunch, very nice and welcoming.
And all married with children (some almost my age even)
and clearly think of me as a little girl.
Which is a-okay with me.
I enjoy being the youngest. It suits me I think.
Well we got on the subject of some of their first jobs.
Which made think of some of my first jobs.
And I have had quite a few.
Some more random than others, let me list a few...
1. Newspaper Delivery Girl-
This was my very first "job."
My entire route was basically an old folks home so it was pretty easy.
All was good until Mr. Sandusky on the 9th floor tried to bate me into his
apartment with a licorice rope, even at 10 years old I knew shit
got a little weird when he tried to kiss me on my cheek.
So I kneed him in the groin and ran the hell out.
Lesson Learned: Always stick up for yourself.
and don't take candy from old men.
2. YMCA Soccer Ref-
At 12 years old I decided I should ref soccer for the peewees.
Once I got that whistle in my hands I felt powerful.
So powerful in fact I didn't think twice about throwing
any parent/coach/fan out of the stands for "sassing me."
I wasn't asked to come back the following season.
I was a bit feisty when I was younger...
Lesson Learned: People are allowed their own opinion.
3. Hy Vee Grocery Bagger-
At 14 I jumped at the chance to get a job here.
I still don't know why.
You couldn't work the register until you were 16 so my tasks were bagging and cart corral.
I figured out real fast cart corral sucked.
So instead, I'd buy a soda at the machine outside, walk to the very back of the parking lot
and then sit (hide) behind the biggest SUV I could find until someone came
looking for me.
This job lasted about 3 months.
Lesson Learned: Don't put bread on the bottom of the sack.
Oh boy, this was a good job.
I did this for two summers even, which for my track record with jobs was pretty incredible.
On cloudy days my fellow lifeguards and myself
would sit in the "hut" and see how fast we could eat a bag of popcorn.
Or how many Saltines we could eat without water.
Or ketchcup packets.
Lesson Learned: Country Club moms can be very bitchy.
Someday I hope to be one.
5. Beer Cart Girl-
Great job for tips, not so great for my "social skills" which obvi meant less tips...
I don't do well "socializing" with
people annoying men.
I never have, and probably never will.
So when one of the gentlemen on the course creeped on my lower back tattoo
(judge me, I know)
and said, "oh I see you have a tattoo, what's that mean?"
and I responded with,
"it means you shouldn't be looking there,"
I knew that was probably my last time beer carting.
Lesson Learned: Don't get a tattoo in Vegas when you're 16.
6. Fundraiser for University aka telemarketer-
In college I called alumni and asked for donations.
It was at this job I practiced all of my accents,
Suthurrrn, New Yawk, Joysey, and Eenglish.
Turns out, I don't do well with people hanging up on me,
as for the ones that just wanted to yell at me,
I did just fine with them.
Lessons Learned: Colonel is pronounced Kernel.
7. Culinary Specialist-
First job out of college where I dressed as a chef and displayed knife skills
and various recipes for high school students.
Or as I like to call it, a circus performer.
I can't believe it's already been a year since my last culinary demonstration!
Oh how I miss the days of nasty teens telling me my food tasted like vomit,
or asking me to Prom,
or telling me I look like Drew Barreymore...
Lesson Learned: Teenagers are awful.
and then of course I had some other jobs I haven't mentioned
like when I worked for a publication called Tractor House,
when I traveled with the Carnies working for the lottery one summer,
but those stories need their own post.
But I have a feeling this new job is going to provide me with
a lot of blogging material...
PS... For the month of June I am going to participate in a
guest posting blitz
I just made that name up but it sounds good I think.
So basically if you have a blog, I don't care how big or small,
(even if you only have like 2 followers)
and would like to get a little more exposure from my following
or just be lazy for a day and let me post instead of you
or whatever reason let me know and I'd love to guest post on your site!
Contact me at email@example.com and let's set something up.
Or don't contact me and I'll just keep rambling on here.