Bachelor Edition- Torture Time

Monday, January 28, 2013

I think I've finally decided why I continue to watch The Bachelor.
Because it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
From the very beginning when we saw Sean walking around in his black briefs from an inappropriately low camera angle,
to the very end when we see Tierra calling herself a "strong and independent woman"
who occasionally falls down the stairs.

Let me break this down for you.

Things that made me uncomfortable during Selma's 1 on 1:
The constant hand holding.

Chris and I have dated for almost five and a half years,
you want to know many times we've held hands in public?
One time was on accident, and I'm pretty sure the other time we were mocking someone.
And then there was Selma's very subtle "I only weigh 110 pounds" comment.
 I don't need to know that you're one and a half Olsen twins smaller than me.
But just so we're clear I do kinda like Selma.
She seems like the cute little baby-talking girl I could never be,
"I feel like a princess in a castle" comment and all.
I've said I feel like a lot things before in my life,
but a "princess in a castle" is certainly not one of them.
I think I need to change that. I wanna know what a princess feels like, damn it.

Things that made me uncomfortable during the group date:
How about these outfits for starters...

Grown women dressed like a bunch of sixth graders on their first date at the roller rink is not a good look for anyone.
And watching Sarah fall and not be able to get up?
C'mon ABC, be a little more sensitive. This isn't a Life Alert commercial for God's sake.
I really felt bad for her! I can barely get up with two arms.

And speaking of falling, we can't forget Amanda's "jaw thing."
You know what bugs me? When unathletic girls get
 "sports related" injuries and they suddenly act like they've lost a limb.
(No offense, Sarah.)
The jock in me rarely gets feisty in my old age, but back in the day I used to run suicides on a
broken ankle/stress fractured foot/all with a tumor the size of a grapefruit growing in my toe.
So sorry Amanda, I don't have sympathy for your "sore jaw,"
I have a feeling this isn't the first time you've had lock sore jaw anyway.

And sidenote Tierra,

you better be careful how you so casually throw the term "torture" around.
For all you know there's an entire group of prisoners at Guantanamo watching every Monday night,
and they were probably quite offended with your cavalier definition of "torture."
Know your audience, Tierra Tequila. Know your damn audience!

Things that made me uncomfortable with Leslie's 1 on 1:

Well, I'm just gonna start by saying I truly like Leslie.
She's seems a little more real than most.
That being said, I was quite uncomfortable with her idea of "every girl's dream!"
i.e. trying on dresses in front of a guy.
Then again, this is coming from a girl who used to cry when my mom would take me Homecoming dress shopping. My teens were tough years...
To say I would be a little uneasy trying on dresses as a "first date" might be a bit of an understatement.
Regardless, when Sean didn't give Leslie the rose I was disappointed,
but not surprised.

Things that made me uncomfortable during the rose ceremony:
Amanda's 90's goth lipstick
Leslie's cherry red lipstick
When Daniella got a rose. Who is this girl? Bet she snuck on set at the roller rink.
Chris Harrison breathing.

But you know who didn't get a rose but I think definitely should have?
This guy.

And that pretty much sums up my discomfort for this episode.
Looks like next week Tierra gets hurt again. Weird.
Can't wait to see how that turns out.

This has been another edition.
Until next week, Bachelor friends.



  1. This kills me! I watch The Bachelor so halfheartedly and even in the snippets I caught, you nailed it.

  2. I don't think any normal person thinks trying on clothes and being judged by a guy sounds like a good first date. I get Sean is attractive and seems to know his way around a leg press or two but he seems to have an issue keeping his clothes on with cameras around. Future career path?

  3. OMG - those outfits are ridiculous! I used to watch the Bachelor, but ended up getting so frustrated with those girls that I just can't do it anymore (although hearing the work girls recap the next day is still a guilty pleasure!) Love your blog! I'm new to the blogging world - check mine out at

  4. Love it. Watching Bachelor is like a car accident. I don't know why I tune in every season but I just have to watch it. Can't get enough cracking up watching girls like Tierra...

  5. It's like a car shouldn't look...but you just can't seem to turn your head away and you end up cranking your neck all around to see if there are dead people there. That is the Bachelor for me. That and romance, of course!


  6. Poor sarah! i am so glad someone else thought that. i can't stop watching.. its bad, real bad. Tierra? No words.

  7. oh man…I haven't been keeping up but now I feel like I'm missing out on some goodness!

  8. hahaha love this recap! I haven't seen the episode yet but now I'm looking forward to it!

  9. thank you for bringing up that nasty goth lipstick. and the comment about weighing 110lbs? i used to like her. bye. she can go now. and the whole time I was bracing for sarah. since she can only brace herself with one arm.

  10. I am a great fan of this and i really love watching it.

    Kids Games

  11. I know who he picks from Reality Steve! Do you wanna know???

  12. I said last night that I nominate the blue-striped creeper for the next season of the Bachelor! His sweet smile behind the iPhone told me that he's been hurt before, but he's not giving up on love. His khaki shorts told me he's really down to earth, but also feels like when he meets the right girl- he'll just know. I am coming for you, blue-striped creeper.

  13. Oh my gosh I love this, so true!! I'm totally addicted to The Bachelor but find myself watching through slotted fingers or cringing in embarrassment ha ha. I can't stand the awkwardness and people making a fool of themselves... yet I guess I love it in a way cause I'm still watching :)

  14. I soo agree with you that both of those girls needed to re-think their red lipstick. That guy in the background was hilarious! I can't say that I wouldn't have also been taking a pic too if I saw them filming the Bachelor. There are so many awkward's hard to count them all, but you do a fab job!!

  15. Such a funny recap. I'm pretty sure I thought almost all these same things while watching. Also, the fact that Leslie kept comparing the date to pretty woman and yelling holy moly batman...what?!

  16. LIFE ALERT! I die. I can't quit watching either. I mean, it's pretty impossible to look away from a train wreck.

  17. There's no way she's 110 lbs! Her boobs are too big! She just lied on national television...not like that hasn't happened before.

  18. Amazing, and hilarious! Keep em coming :)

  19. Amandas lipstick was AWFUL! You are so right! And she always looks like she could murder someone until she knows for sure Sean is looking and then she just starts beaming like no other. Not in a cute way either but in a crazy person bi-polar way. Awww, good television!

  20. 'Dja ever notice that Tierra says "wit Sean" instead of "with Sean"? You will now. You're welcome.

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