Bachelor Edition- Tierra's Eyebrow Guest Posts

Boy are you guys in for a treat this week.
Not only are hometown dates my very very favorite,
I've also got a special celebrity blogger set up to give us some
inside scoop on this weeks episode.
Without further ado, here she (he?) is-
Tierra's Eyebrow.

{just for the record all views expressed below are only those of Tierra's Eyebrow,

and it's very snarky.}

Hey ya'll,

Brow here. So what did you think of tonight's episode?

Eye certainly have a few things to say about it.

So let's not waste any more time and just jump right into it.

It only makes sense to start with AshLee first, right?

Eye don't know AshLee that well, but eye got to know her brows pretty good.

And like her, they're pretty rigid and rarely let loose.

When eye saw her scream "Eye love Sean" last week, eye nearly lost it.

Eye nearly shot up to my hairline for God's sake, eye mean, who is she trying to fool?

And if this is her idea of letting loose eye feel bad for her.

Just look, her brows don't move an inch.

Her family date was pretty much what eye assumed it would be.

Dull and uneventful. Not a brow raised the entire day.

Like eye told Tierra, this girl is like talking to a brick wall. 

And then there was Catherine.

Am eye the only one who was totally blindsided by this girl?

Eye was on set with her and still had no idea she was gonna make it til the end.

Eye can't imagine what you as viewers thought, she barely had any screen time forever.

This has Chris Harrisonbrows written all over it. 

Never trust a man with eye hair like his.

Anywho, back to their hometown date in Seattle.

Did anyone else notice this creep when they were in the fish market?

Eye never stare, it's so rude! Eye just browse.

It's just a common courtesy.

And then there was the whole mishap at her house.

Her family totally threw her under the bus!

If my sisters ever talked about me like that eye would go browshitcrazy.

Eye mean, what the pluck?!

Tierra would totally shave me if she ever heard me say this, but eye always kinda liked Catherine.

She was super low maintenance back at the house, 

and her brows always seemed so carefree and easy going. 

Eye was always a little envious. Such is life.

And then we've got Lindsay.

You guys. Seriously, seriously, seriously, who is this girl?
Eye mean, bless her little country heart. But a mouse is a mouse is a mouse.
Eye know, eye'm being a catty snot again, but she is not right for Sean.
She's more of a Ben Flajnik type of girl, you know?
And eye really don't have anything interesting to say about her family.
It was all blah blah blah to me.
Can we just get to Des's cray cray brother already?
Eye think so.

Des.
Of course someone had to do the run-and-stratal-hug.
It just wouldn't be a hometown date without it.
Why am eye not surprised it was her to do it...

And that whole fake ex-boyfried thing... C'mon ABC, eye expected more. Even from you.
Stop wasting my time and introduce me to Des's dorky ass family already.
Like that gansteriffic brother of her's.
For real, who is this douche? I've been around a lot of douche's before,
 (let's not forget eye hang out with Tierra)
but this guy takes the douche cake.

Obviously eye'm partial to facial features, but c'mon dagger teeth,
they're called Crest White Strips!
And why does this brother care this much anyway?
If my brother tried to coach me on who "the one" is eye'd browslap him so hard.
Do less, bro. Do less.

When Sean didn't give Des a rose it didn't arch me one bit.
She has no one to blame but her brosif for this one.
I've always said getting sent home on the hometown dates is the ultimate insult,
it's basically like saying,
It might have worked between you and eye, but your family just sucks too much for me to handle.
Keep your brows up, Des, things'll get better.

Guys, it's been fun.
But eye gotta go. Eye'm on a huge press tour right now.
Doing face time events left and right, gotta strike while the brow is hot.

Never lose your sparkle,
Tierra's Eyebrow