Advice To My Kindergarten Self

Thursday, August 15, 2013

I still can't figure out why so many of my Facebook friends are posting photos this week of their children off to their "first day of kindergarten!" Are these really their children? If so, did they have babies early? Or am I just... on the late train. Regardless, all this back-to-school talk has got me thinking. What advice would I give to my kindergarten self? Right when I was just about to start my first bit of real education? What would 26-year-old me say? The funny thing is, thinking back it kinda seems like I had it more figured out at age five than I do now. Man that's sad. 

First things first, I'd say killer job on the first-day-of-school outfit.


Truth be told, I'd wear this ensemble today. Black on black on black says I'm sassy and chic, yet the touch of denim on top says I'm also here to have a good time. And the animal print trim? Love it. Nice work, Tay. I'd also like to say nice decor work to my mom, I'm really feeling the blue on blue, with the nice subtle border of chickens with blue scarfs around their neck. Very country chic.

Moving right along, the next thing I'd tell myself is to actually listen during math and science and not rush right through it just so I could be the first to the dress-up trunk. There's a good chance I am legally challenged when it comes to anything related to these two subjects. And I blame it all on the fact math and science were always the last two subjects we had to focus on before play time. Naturally, I said screw it and would just scribble through everything so I could be the first to choose the sparkly hats and pretty necklaces. 

I'd also suggest I re-think my picture-day hair style.


I get that I was trying to be edgy and all, but I feel like it actually just makes me look like the type of kid who might have silver caps over my front teeth if you catch my drift. And if you're offended by that it's only because you probably had silver caps over your teeth. Dental care is important, my friends. Says the girl who used to brush her teeth and then sneak gummy worms in her bed at night...

If there's one thing I'd give myself a huge kudos for it would be the time I stood up for womens rights and demanded my teacher give me a chance to audition for ring master of the 1991 Sacred Heart Kindergarten Circus (a role previously only given to boys.) But it was the biggest role, so of course I wanted it. I didn't want to be a dumb ballerina or tight rope walker, even from a young age I refused to be typecast. I made my case, was allowed to audition, and landed the coveted role of ring master! I won't mention the fact they still made me share it with Joseph Dallas Cowboy boy. I never knew Joseph's last name, I just called him this because he had a deep, somewhat unhealthy, obsession with the Dallas Cowboys. 

"Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Sacred Heart CIRCUSSSSSS!!!" I still get goosebumps when I think about this line. I don't want to boast, but I nailed it. 

And lastly, I'd tell myself to enjoy this year. Because it's about to get really rough for the next few years when I would decide way too early I was ready to do my own hair, and dress myself in teal windbreaker pants every. single. day. 


Look at the pants. And if memory serves, I'm also wearing a shirt that says "ROMA!" with an illustrated image of the city of Rome on it. I really loved vacation t-shirts. It got to be bad in the end, my parents had to stop buying them for me because it got a little out of control with my desire to wear a t-shirt advertising a different city every day. Let's just say Norfolk is a small town, people started to talk...

And just because I'm dishing out advice, I'd also like to hop back even a year further into the past and tell this little girl to stop boozing so much. She looks like a train wreck. Get your life together, four-year-old McDrunky.


(And note the vacation top, I wasn't kidding.)

That's it for today. Happy back-to-school-week to all you parents, students, and teachers. Let's make this year a good one. 




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31 comments:

  1. At 36 I'm wondering why all my FB friends have kids starting high school while mine is still only 3 1/2. Did I start way to late or what?

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  2. Legally challenged?
    You're too much.
    BTW - can I be creepy and ask you to come tailgate and creepily walk towards you at said event and then have a short awkward convo then run away. But not before we get blog pictures. K. Thanks.

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  3. My mom had chickens all over her kitchen too, for the longest time! Must have been the rage back in '92.

    Also I had few pairs of windpants myself...

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  4. These pictures are just great. :)

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  5. I'm pretty sure I had those same teal windbreaker pants.

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  6. oh, the 90s. I had a straight bowl cut and my mom would then aqua net the shit out of my bangs and dressed me a corn outfit. the top look like husks and the leggings looked like ears of corn...I am very thankful she didn't have a knack for taking snapshots...

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  7. rocking the crop top before it was cool. so hipster of you

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  8. Rock on! Fight that sexism! I LOVED this!

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  9. that is exactly how my parent's kitchen look. why was wallpaper ever considered a good call??

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  10. haha those vacation tops are golden. I have quite a few myself (that I still shamelessly wear)

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  11. Why aren't you a fashion blogger? ;) I love your photos from the past!!

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  12. i secretly wish i was 6 so i could go back to school and rock it all over again. but i'll need that top.

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  13. Oh the things I would say to my 5 year old self! The first would be pull that tooth out before it dangles there alone after the other one falls out, you look silly!

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  14. i'm pretty positive we had that same wallpaper in my house when i was a kid.

    i had this one floral dress my mom said she had to throw away cause i wore it every single day, and would cry if i din't get to wear it...

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  15. Right?! Apparently ALL my friends have kids starting school this week, too!

    These photos are so epic. Thanks for sharing :)

    My parents' house was (is) decorated pretty much the same. Country blue on country blue! Bahaha. Oh, the 80s...

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  16. I was ring master of our kindergarten circus too! I'm starting to think that newton, ia and Norfolk, ne were sister cities.
    This whole post made me laugh!

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  17. You looked so cute starting kindergarten! The weird thing is when my 21 year old friends have kids going off to school... I'm happy just travelling and getting drunk and not getting married or having babies.. Weird!

    xo Becky
    Seductive Mania

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  18. Sooo funny. I feel like us kids that grew up in the 90's had it pretty rough fashion-wise. I don't think there has been a worse decade in all of history as far as fashion goes. Seriously, I work at a school now and these little kindergarten girls come in looking like super models: skinny jeans, sequined tops, mini Toms - the works. Whereas, when you look back at my kindergarten pics, I wore vacation tops, too. I remember one from SD that had dachshunds on it, one with a cowboy hat, and it said, "get along, little doggies." I wore that shirt pretty much everyday.

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  19. Awwww! This is so sweet and funny at the same time!! When today's kindergarteners look back twenty years from now, they'll experience the same horror you're experiencing about your fashion choices. LOL.

    xo,
    Ana Paula
    {Visit me at Mommyhood, PhD}

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  20. I would have loved to have you in my classroom. I have no doubt you would be one of the students in the book I want to write with all the crazy things they say to me. Those lucky teachers.

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  21. 4-year-old you had a vacation crop top sweatshirt! I have no words. Well, okay, I have two words: Thank you.

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  22. You have access to some really great childhood pics! I feel like any of mine this great have already been burned or buried in a pile of stretch pants and scrunchies.

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  23. These pics are awesome. love the concept of this post. Some of my friends have kids in highschool? Talk about being late on the baby train! Luckily there are a few passengers with me.
    Love the Vay-Cay t-shirts!

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  24. HAHAHAHHA I love this! Good times good times.

    Loving the first day outfit. Weird how ALL of that is actually trendy for this fall. They say history repeats itself sooo you should probably reenact that...

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  25. Too funny! I think chicken wallpaper was a kitchen staple for way longer than it should have been.

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  26. I'm with you on the math and science...especially the math. I still count on my fingers! I'm also with you on the kids thing...Zack and I are way behind a lot of our friends on that, and in no rush!

    xxx
    Jaclyn
    http://www.loveandbellinis.com

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  27. You were so freaking adorable! I love it!

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  28. catching up on your blog and dying. Like laugh out loud funny FOR REALS.

    I love the way you write sugar.



    tits.

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  29. Your post is really well written and insightful. Glad I found your website, warm regards from me!
    Phoenix kindergarten

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