What day is it again today? Oh yea, Friday. My mind's been in a bit of a cluster since I left for Dallas Wednesday morning around 5:00 a.m., after doing a wee bit of celebrating Tuesday night I might add... Then I got my sales jollies going from Wednesday-Thursday until I flew back to Chicago around 2:00 p.m. Only to land in Chicago at 7:00 p.m. at which point I grabbed my two besties (Har and Chris) and we jumped in the car at 9:00 p.m. for a seven hour drive to Nebraska. As it turns out, I'm not so good at the late night driving, or maybe someone just slipped me some shrooms into my three Dt. Mt Dews, I'm still not sure. But right around 12 a.m. my eyes started playing some crazy tricks on me, it's still up for debate whether or not I saw three baby cougars just outside of Des Moines. Chris thinks they were foxes, I think they were cougars. They could have also been three small elves.
So as I'm sitting here in this lovely Scooters (a coffee shop that is not Starbucks) waiting to jump on a sales call, I'm not exactly having the best day ever. Thus I'm not quite in the mood to write another edition of The Daily Tay's Best Week Ever. However I just can't end the week without recapping it in someway so instead let's play my favorite game, "Hey So & So , ______ called."
(You'll catch on, I promise.)
Hey Riley Cooper! Paula Deen called. She said thanks for taking her white supremacist hat for the week. She said you can keep it for awhile, just make sure you don't wash it, she'd hate for the old scent of stale tobacco and ignorance to come out of it.
I'm obviously talking about Philadelphia Eagle's receiver Riley Cooper's disgusting and bizarre racist rant at the Kenny Chesney concert earlier this week. All recorded on camera, I might add.
(image from the video below.)
In the words of Jeff Foxworthy, if you have a handlebar mustache, wear a cut-off flannel shirt, and a rock a pony tail...you might be
redneck racist. Am I stereotyping here? Absolutely, but after Cooper's rant I don't really care.
Hey Jeff Foxworthy! Bad Comedy called, they want you back! Just kidding, we all know no one calls you anymore. Well maybe a few fifth graders, but that's it.
Hey Lindsay Lohan! Parent Trap 2 called, now that you just made it out of rehab this week (for the 78th time) they're ready to roll out another. The plot line will follow you and your twin as you "jokingly" try to destroy each-other's lives by getting into silly hijinks like doing hard drugs, stealing expensive jewelry, and starting fires in driveways.
Hey Simon Cowell, your best friend called, he'd like his wife back. You know, that wife that you recently impregnated.
Hey Ariel Castro, Satan called, he's got your room nice and ready for you. Your bunk-mate goes by the name of Sandusky. Hope you enjoy "horsing around."
Hey Kim Kardashian, Obama called, he recently criticized your family for creating a generation of youngsters obsessed with "wealth and celebrity."
Hey Obama, I'm calling, so remind me why you invited them to your house for dinner then in 2012?
Kim and Kris at the White House dinner.
Hey Taylor, the weekend called, it says it's time to have some fun with old college pals/celebrate Chris's birthday. Things are about to get wild. I've got my wedding pants on.
And on that note, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
Follow along on Instagram @taylorgracewolfe if you'd like to watch things get weird.