When I Start Asking Myself Why...

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

So I made the mistake of watching the Kardashian interview with Ryan Seacrest the other day.
I don't know why I did it, because I knew I would regret it.
I knew I would hate myself for it.
And I was right.
Like everyone else in the world, a lot of the negativity I feel toward that family is rooted in jealousy.
I have no problem admitting that, it is what it is.
Would I like to get paid to hangout and eat and drink with my family all day?
Hells yes I would.

But the thing that really bothers me about Momma Kris is when she starts raving about her kids
 "work ethic" and how they're not just "famous for being famous."
Here's my two cents on this.
I think it's pretty obvious the Kardashians are either
a. incredibly business savvy
or b. have hired those that are incredibly business savvy to work for them.
I choose b.
Now as far as their "work ethic" goes... I do think they're hard workers,
but I think it's 100x easier to work hard at something you love doing.
Like fashion design, or modeling, or marrying NBA players, or whatever is they do.
Put those girls in a call center and then tell me they have a good work ethic.
Tell them to start selling coupons or work at a staffing agency,
then preach to me about how hard the Kardashians work.
Rob designs socks for God's sake,
the one article of clothing that there is truly never a need for anyone to ever see.
Socks. Really Rob? Come on. You once dated a Cheetah Girl.

Okay, I need to settle down.
I'm just having kind of a weird week... It's safe to say I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment.
Not lost in the depression commercial sense where I want to just lay and cry all day,
not at all.
Just lost in the sense I have no idea what my next step is going to be,
and I'm not sure if this is something I should feel okay about, or not okay about.

Last week I had to re-enroll for all of my classes at Second City and IO
and just as I was clicking "submit payment" I let a little voice of negativity slip in and start
asking why... 
Why are you doing this?
Why are you paying for these classes that might lead you nowhere?
Why do you think you're good enough to do this anyway?
Why are expecting something to come from all of this?
Why are you wasting time chasing this dream?

That Negative Nelly is a rude little thing, thus the reason I don't let her come around often.
But sometimes when I'm in the mood to throw myself a pity party,
I'll let her in just for the hell of it.
She runs her mouth for a minute or two, I feel bad, and then I kick her right back out.

(And yes, whenever I imagine my "good thoughts"vs my "bad thoughts"
they're always played out by Good Michelle and Bad Michelle.)

Luckily, it doesn't take long for me to start thinking positive again and I just habitually
start remembering all of the positive quotes I've seen through out my life.
I'm big on the self help power quotes. (Clearly they've worked out well for me.)
Like this one.

I think I stumbled across this quote as child and took it a little too literally,
because it's really done a number on me.
I feel like I just keep on trying weirder and weirder things as life goes on,
not really caring what the outcome will be.
Of course like anybody I'm scared of failing,
I just think I'm more scared of not trying.

And now I don't know where I'm going with any of this.
That Kardashian Special did more damage on me than I realized.
I need to go chill out with a Capri Sun for a second and regroup.
I'll be back tomorrow with a better plan of attack I promise.

Lost and confused,
Junie B. Jones


When Spring Finally Came to Chicago

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Yesterday as a blizzard swept through the lovely town of Norfolk, Nebraska
it almost reached 70 here in Chicago.
And it was amazing.
Although, this long and painful winter has made me realize one thing about Chicagoans;
they are a hard ass group of people.
On Sunday it was barely 45 degrees, but just because the sun was shining people were wearing shorts and tank tops.
While I was still in my winter coat, the guy next to me was in a "Go Bears" cut-off.
It was impressive.

So of course Harlow and I took full advantage of the beautiful weather that presented itself yesterday.

We took a quick trip to the beach.

This would be the running path I occasionally like to pretend I run on.
Because he's a mountain lion, Harlow prefers to run up high on the rock path.

And finally Lincoln Park is going green!

And then Harlow ended the day hunting for squirrels.

I realize this is a pretty lame, photo heavy post, 
I'm just short on time today because I've got an interview coming up here in an about an hour.
So now I've got to go see if I remember how to put on makeup and curl my hair.
I've also got to practice my interview laugh and corny jokes.
If there's one place I truly hate myself the most, it's in interviews.
Wish me luck. 


25 Things You Don't Know About Me

Sunday, April 21, 2013

1. I'm not good at editing photos,
although I assume by the image above you have already figured this one out.

2. I'm pretty much an open book, so a more fitting title would probably be
"25 Things You Might Already Know About Me."

3. I'm not actually a "multi-talented mom of two" as stated above.
I'm a semi talented(ish) dog-mom of one.

4. I've never had a broken bone, but I do have a marble sized bone-spur directly below my right knee
from an old scooter accident.
It swells when I run, or when it's about to rain.

5. I eat at least one bowl of cereal a day. Sometimes it can be up to three or four.

6. I love Hannah Nefler and admire her ability to rock a side-pony like it's nobodies business.

7. I was an extra in the movie "Anger Management."
I got Adam Sandler's autograph, he called me "Nebraska." I called him "Mr. Sandler."

8. I once got a flat tire twice on the way back to my parents house.
I hitchhiked and got a ride from a really nice semi-driver who ended up fixing everything for me,
free of charge.

9.  Last summer I stole a copper mug from a restaurant,
but then I felt so guilty about it I sent it back one week later.

10. If I could meet one celebrity right now it would be Judd Apatow.

11. When I was younger, I wanted so badly to have a room exactly like the ones from the Limited Too magazine.
This is as close as I got, which let's be honest is pretty damn cool.

12. In college, my sorority gave out a "Sally Sunshine" award every single week.
Yet in all of my four years, I never won it.

13. I absolutely love miniature sized items.
So yes, the travel aisle in Target makes me gitty with joy.

14. I refuse to watch scary movies.
I slept with a cross under my pillow for two years just because the Blair Witch Project
previews scared me so bad.
It was fake, right?

15. In elementary, I had to attend speech classes because I apparently had a "lisp."
I thought I had gotten over this, but last weekend when I tried stand-up each time I heard myself
speak over the mic all I could hear was
Sally sells seashells down by the seashore. Thally thells theathells down by the theathore.

16. I got my first "acting gig" doing radio commercials as a little kid.
Although once the commercials were released I was never asked back.
See #15.

17. I can quote Love & Basketball from start to finish.

18. After seeing Parent Trap, I developed a deep obsession with summer camp.
So one summer my parents shipped me off to horse riding camp.

Unfortunately, it rained the entire week so I never actually got to ride "Cactus."
As you can see I was pretty upset about it.

19. In a three year span when I was growing up I had two cysts that grew in my chin,
and a tumor in my toe.
And then I stopped eating fertilizer and all was good.

20. I love Family Guy. The more offensive the episodes the better.

21. Last night I watched Life of Pi.
I loved every second of it right up until the end.
I feel so cheated.

22. I used to write #22 all over everything back in the day- my arms, my shoes, my shirts,
I even had a gold #22 necklace.
-Tay 22

23. I'm a dreamer, almost to a fault.

24. At post prom my junior year of high school I won about $175 in Burger King bucks,
so for the next few months I would order a Whopper and value size fry
for lunch every. single. day.
Thinking about that today makes me disgusted/a little bit envious.

25.  This list has taken me way too long.
Never again.


10 Reasons Why High School Was Weird

Thursday, April 18, 2013

I've been staring at my computer screen for literally thirty minutes now.
When it comes to blogging, I rarely get writers block.
But I think I have it right now because I know I should be writing that other little thing I've mentioned 
on here a time or two, that "book" I'm trying to do.
Just the thought of it gives me anxiety and makes me want to throw my Mac against the wall.
Dumb, I know.
Back in the day, I used to sit in study hall and write for pages and pages about completely made up 
characters just because it was fun and it helped the time to pass.
Why can't I do that now...
I never thought I'd say this, but I need to get back to high school- Tay.
So to get in the mood, let's rehash why high school was so damn weird. 
At least for me. 

1. Because I wore cut off t-shirts and boxer shorts out in public.
This is not okay. I am not a construction worker, nor a five year old little boy.
Why wasn't I as trendy as my Abercrombie and board short clad sister?
*Let's all take a moment to remember the fun that was Old Navy board short commercials.

2. Because I used to marker pimp myself.
Am I the only little weirdo who used to enjoy drawing all over myself?
Sharpie, pen, highlighter, it didn't matter. My arm was a canvas, man. Draw away.

3.  Because I used to listen to hardcore rap. And relate to it.
Jk, I didn't relate to it, or maybe I thought I did.
But I loved me some Dr. Dre, Eminem, and Snoop.
Y'all know me, still the same O.G., but I been low key...
My parents said they didn't like me listening to it because the "lyrics were bad,"
but I bet it had more to do with the fact they were just embarrassed for me.
But I didn't choose thug life, thug life chose me. - every kid in Norfolk, Nebraska.

4. Because I thought my senior pics were the most important day EVER!!!
I've never cared about something more, and I think it scarred me for life.
I now dread photos more than anything. When I get married some day, I pity the fool who tries
to demand we take more than ten shots.

And this outfit? Despicable.
Um, low-rider much?
My mother should have made me pull up my jeans, and pull down my shirt.
*sidenote: I still have, and wear these jeans, only with much longer shirts.

5. Because my friends and I used to "fake drink."
Or at least two of us did...
We wanted to hang out with the cool kids but we were always way too scared of getting caught and kicked out of sports, so we'd fake drink our beers in the corner.
Ignore the creepy expression, let's focus on those guns of mine.

And yet if the cops did come, we'd still be scared out of our mind there would somehow magically be alcohol on our breath from the one sip we might have taken,
so we'd start sucking on dirty pennies. We heard pennies made it so alcohol wouldn't register on a breathalyzer.
Looking back, I have a feeling some old homeless drunk made that one up just for shits and giggles.

6. Speaking of homeless drunks, remember how some teenagers used to find just anyone on the street
to buy them alcohol?
That is absolutely terrifying to me now.
Obviously I never did it (because of the fake drinking and all) but I know it happened.

7. Because I tanned EVERY DAY.
Look how cherry red my face is in this photo.
When it wasn't red, it would fade into a beautiful orange color.
And today, I have the beautiful sun spots to prove it.
I'll never forget the day some bully wrote "orange face" on my locker poster.
So thank you secret mean angel, whoever you are.
I think that's what it finally took for me to ease off the sauce.
And by sauce I mean tanning beds.

8. Because being absolutely horrible to one another was completely normal.
I remember one time I got "called out" for wearing a Led Zepplin shirt because the kid
said I was a "poser." Which perhaps was true, but he didn't have to be a dick and say I wasn't cool enough to be a Zepplin fan.
But band shirts from Hot Topic were soooo cool!
Pretty sure I went home and grabbed all of my dad's Zeppling CDs just to make sure such an incident would never happen again.
And that right there is what is wrong with high school, everybody cares just a little too much.

9. Because I wore this "shirt" graduation night.

And those earrings.
Never did I wear "dangly earrings" ever again.
And I broke that fancy camera one of the first weekends of college. Still pisses me off.

10. Because before I turned sixteen, I never realized how incredibly awesome it was to be driven everywhere.
I'd go back to this in a heartbeat if I could.
I'd even let my mom be late, and forget to pick me up as she often did.
(Sorry mom but you and I both know it's true, I forgive you though because it made me stronger.)

And now I need to jet. I've got my first "professional" acting audition tonight at Second City.
It's so professional in fact I'm printing off  .89 cent head shots at Walgreens I took myself.
To be honest I'm just going for fun,
(is what people say when they're insecure about not getting the part)
really though, I don't even know what it's for. I'm just going because I get jollies off of auditions.

Many dreams come true and some have silver linings.
 I live for my dreams and a pocket full of gold.- Led Zepplin.

I have no idea what this means, which proves I am indeed a poser.