Black Friday

Friday, November 29, 2013

Another great Thanksgiving has come and gone already. For once in my life I did not wake up food hungover. But I'm not bragging about this or even remotely happy about it, either. Wednesday morning I woke up with a terrible cold, which somehow led to a touch of the flu, which then ended with a few too many painful hours of dehydration. Have you ever been sick on vacation- and over a holiday no less? It's awful. While everyone was sipping margaritas by the pool yesterday, toasting to Thanksgiving I was in bed drowning my sorrows with a mouth full of cold medicine.

The worst part was last night when it was time to go to the Thanksgiving dinner we all know and love so much and I had to stay back. I got dressed, attempted to do my hair, and really made an effort of making it happen but I just couldn't. So while everyone else went to feast on turkey I stayed at the house and ordered soup. Because Chris is the best guy ever he stayed back, as well. And as we were waiting for our dinner to arrive he was slamming any and all food in the house proclaiming, "Just because I can't have Thanksgiving dinner, doesn't mean I can't get Thanksgiving full." That's what I like about Chris, he's always willing to make the best out of a situation- that and he's never too good to drink the crumbs from a Dorito bag.

But enough complaining, what am I saying? I need to suck it up and enjoy the last forty eight hours of this beautiful place. This is my view at this very moment, so besides a little sniffle and a scratchy throat, I'm doing okay.

And now for a few more photos to recap what I've been up to...

We did a little snorkeling at Chilleno Beach toward the beginning of the week. A little snorkeling and little bit of Corona drinking, I should say. I like snorkeling, once I can get past the whole fish part (yes, I realize that sounds ridiculous.) I've grown up my entire life trying to swim away from fish in lakes and oceans, so it was kind of a struggle for me to make myself swim toward the fish. And I was pretty much done for once Chris found a spotted eel in the reef he wanted me to come see. No, thank you. I don't like fish that smile at you.

On Monday it was a bit cloudy so we walked around the cute town of San Jose while the boys golfed. I was more than delighted to see a few Christmas decorations hung around the streets.

And then I even got over zealous and made a crappy sandcastle (thanks to all of the practice I've had in improv classes.)

Which of course Knox immediately jumped on.

Try not to look at the difference in skin tones between Chris and I.

Back in the day I used to get up at 9:00 a.m. to bake in the sun when we'd come down to Cabo. And now I've got the sun spots to prove it. So no more tanning for this girl, I've been wearing hats and caking on the sunscreen. But not Chris, the moment the sun touches his skin he's black.

And because each photo takes about ten minutes to upload, I'm going to have to stop for the moment. A Bloody Mary is being put in front of my face so I guess I better drink it, I heard alcohol kills cold germs. Hope you're all having a wonderful day after Thanksgiving! See you later!

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Mi Casa Es Tu Casa

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Life this week according to a lot of photos-

We've got that nice pre-vacay glow going on here. Sadly, I don't think the airport shots on the way home will be quite as angelic.

*dress can be found here.

We landed Saturday afternoon and my dad was waiting at the airport with a cooler of Coronas in hand. And to no one's surprise he had already draped a Husker flag across the front door on our villa at Sunset Beach just to make sure everyone knows we're Nebraska fans.

If I haven't said it lately, I really love it here. It's one of my favorite places.

This is just part one. If you're one of those people who doesn't like vacation photos you might not want to stop by for a few days, just a forewarning. There's still a lot to recap yet, like the infamous Cabo rocks obviously and a lot of Knox and Lola shots. Knox has a new favorite thing he likes to say, "I don't like you, Tay Tay." Have you ever vacationed with a two-year-old? It's a, it's a real trip...

Much more to come, friends. Adios.

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Harlow Tells All

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Hola from Cabo! Because I'm busy drinking margaritas and looking for whales, I've got Sarah here today to take over instead. But I hope you're all having a wonderful week, feel free to follow along on Instagram @taylorgracewolfe to keep up with my Mexican adventures. Adios!


Hey girls heyyy! And hey boy hey? I doubt it seeing as there no dudes in blog land, but I always like to be politically correct and junk when I first meet new people. I'm Sarah from Venus Trapped in Mars! A quick fact about me, my dream job is to be a sideline reporter. Did I go to school for Journalism? Well, technically I did not. But I did MC my friend's 25 person wedding once. So I think I'm good to go.
Good thing the camera didn't capture my nerves and the paper that was rapidly shaking in my hands.
25 person wedding.... 25 million viewers for Sunday Night Football... practically the same thing, at this point we're just splitting hairs. Ok, ok, so maybe I should practice a bit more before I apply for the Super Bowl gig. So I'm here with you today to interview Harlow.

Sarah: Hi, Harlow. Big fan. Pleasure to have you today. Harlow: No problem, Sarah. Happy to be here. I had to move my morning poop sesh up an hour to make it, but like I said, happy to be here. Sarah: Thank you, I'm sure that wasn't easy straying from your daily routine. Let's get started! If I asked you to rank the part of your life that you feel you are most satisfied with, what would be at the top? Harlow:  Most Satisfied? Well I've been training really hard to get swimsuit body ready. I'm trying to be America's next top dog model. I run... boy do I run... I chase squirrels, I even watch my dog food intake.... There are nights Taylor [mother] puts two full cups in my food bowl and I have the self control only to eat half. That isn't easy, but I can finally see my hard work paying off.

Sarah: I see that! Speaking of, there were some questionable photos of you lounging NAKED in a garden that were leaked on the internet. Some puppy moms even went so far as to speak out against you, saying that you were, and I quote, "The worst role model they've ever seen." What is your response to those moms out there with young puppies?

Harlow: I never said I was a role model. I'm young, but I'm not a teenager anymore. I've grown up and I can do whatever I wish with my body. I think that young puppies that look at me will see an adult with a sexy body, a body that I worked hard to get. I think that is actually inspiring for pups. Sarah: Your mom is blog famous. How has that affected your life? Harlow: I wish I could say it was easy. I wish I could say that growing up with my mom's spotlight always shining down on me was care-free. But it's hard. It puts a lot of pressure on me to be successful, to not screw up. I mean, if I make one wrong move, or I poop on the wrong patch of grass, or I try and have a cocktail on a patio where no dogs are allowed, the repercussions are felt for days, sometimes weeks. My whole life has been scrutinized under an Instagram filter.

Sarah: It may be hard living in your mom's spotlight, but you've spoken out on multiple occasions regarding your parents. Would you  mind refreshing our memories?
Harlow: Oh gosh, of course. As you could see, I started smiling halfway through your question! I've really got the worst poker face. My Mom and Dad are the greatest thing to ever happen to me. They are celebratory of my accomplishments and supportive during my times of struggle. Like that time I wanted to get my parents something really nice for Christmas, so I tried to kill that squirrel in the tree for them, but the squirrel got away. My Mom told me that it was the thought that counted and it was the best thought she'd ever received for Christmas.

Sarah: Well, Harlow I don't want to keep you any longer. This was sure a treat. Thank you for joining me today! Well, not a treat.... I mean, I'm sorry I don't actually have a treat for you. I was just meaning that it WAS a treat to have you.... that is just an expression us humans use. 
Harlow: It's ok, Sarah. I understand. *cough* bitch *cough*

What do you think? I asked the hard hitting questions right? What would you have asked Harlow?
And if you want, you can come say hi over at my blog, Venus Trapped in Mars, ya know, if you don't already have a poop scheduled....

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30 Things You Shouldn't Say To A Blogger

Sunday, November 24, 2013

1. You sure take a lot of photos of yourself.

2. Don't you think blogging is kind of outdated?

3. Do you ever spell check your posts?

4. I didn't know people still read blogs.

5. People really pay you? Why?

6. Remind me again why you blog?

7. Does it make you feel bad when you don't get many comments?

8. Do you ever feel weird about sharing so much?

9. Don't you think blogging is kind of narcissistic?

10. Why do you act like this is a job or something?

11. You should make your page like more professional looking, you know?

12. How long are you going to keep doing this?

13. Do you ever wish you were like a real writer?

14. I know you have a blog, but I don't really ever read it.

15. I liked your blog better when you first started.

16. Do you know what would make your blog a lot better?

17. I just don't get why people who don't know you read your blog, no offense or anything.

18. Aren't you afraid of stalkers?

19. I'd start a blog, but I'm just so busy.

20. That photo doesn't look anything like you.

21. I just feel like your blog is way different now.

22. What's the point of blogging? I just don't get it.

23. All of your photos are just so similar.

24. Don't you ever feel like kind of a sell-out?

25. I have a great idea about something you should blog about.

26. Pretty much everybody has a blog now.

27. Are you going to turn this into a blog post?

28. I was going to start a blog, but it seemed kind of weird to me.

29. Blogging is just a hobby, why do you take it so seriously?

30. I feel like blogs are getting less popular all the time.

Have anything else you'd like to add? Tell me below!

*Feel free to click share if you can agree to any of the above!

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The Last Fall Photo You'll Ever See- Really.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Let this be known as the last fall photo that shall grace this blog for the season.

Because after I took it just a few days ago, the cold moved in and stripped almost all of the beautiful trees of their colorful clothes. And now it's just grey. Hello, winter. Should I just go ahead and assume you'll be here for the next six months or so?

But enough weather talk, I'm sure you'll be doing plenty of that later today in awkward client conversations or during the down moments when you're stuck on an elevator with someone you kinda know, but don't really know. So let's get into another edition of Really!?!

(featuring me, not Seth and Amy.)

It was announced this week that serial killer, Charles Manson, will be marrying his "25-year-old crush, Star." Really Charlie? A 25-year-old, really!?! Star began writing Manson after she read about him online, presumably on Tinder. Manson was quoted saying, “She's not a woman. She's a star in the Milky Way!” when referring to Star, (in case you didn't catch that subtle reference.) I don't know about you, but I can't wait to follow Star's wedding inspiration board on Pinterest! And if anyone is wondering, they are registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, Pottery Barn, and Hell. Really though.

In Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio, Black Friday shoppers have already began setting up tents outside of a Best Buy. Really people? Why? Why would you really do this? What on earth are you planning to buy that you would give up seven days of your life to sit and wait for? Does Best Buy sell a cure to cancer now? Or a time machine? Because I can't possibly think of anything else worthy of camping out in parking lot. Furthermore, it's behavior like this that encourages greedy retailers to open on the evening of Thanksgiving, taking their employees from deserved time off with their families. And that really pisses me off.

It was announced this week that "Selfie" is the word of the year according to Oxford Dictionary. Really, Oxford Dictionary? "Selfie" is the word you choose, really!?! Considering the word of the year in 2006 was "carbon-neutral," I think it's pretty obvious that our society is definitely moving in the right direction. Obvi. Totes. #hashies.

It was also announced this week that the head of the choosing committee for Oxford Dictionary's word of the year is this kid.
Sadly he couldn't be reached for an interview because he was too busy biting his lip.

Other nominations for words of the year that didn't quite make the cut were:

Kimassigan- as in "I just saw Kim Kardashian's bare ass again."
Instdapress- the depressed feeling you get when no one like your Instagram photo.
Instawhathefug- the "wtf" feeling you get when 4,319 people like the photo on Instagram of a teenage boy biting his lip.
Mugsen- as in "Miley's talking about drugs again."
Juscamatute- as in "Justin Bieber just got caught on camera with a prostitute."

*this list might have to continue on in its own post, what do you think?

And I guess I should probably mention Kanye's new music video "Bound 2." Where do I start with this one? Really though, I have no idea where to even begin. At first glance you might just think this is any other couple at Six Flags posing in front of a blue screen, anxious to take home a souvenir photo. And that's actually pretty spot on.

Kim then goes on to get naked and vibrate on the seat of Kanye's motorcycle while lying on her back, free of shame for all the world to see her just bouncing up and down, completely naked. So like I said, not that different from the average couple at Six Flags.

As for the song, well I'm still confused if the video I was watching was skipping, or if it's just three parts of music that are absolutely nothing alike.
Part 1- we intro with a bit that sounds like a song taken from a scene in Coming to America, or maybe it's from the prom scene in Love and Basketball, you decide.
Part 2- we hear a little girl, possibly North West Compass Map I'm assuming, say "uh huh honey."
Part 3- Yeezus starts spitting mad raps and the world is changed forever.

It might be his best work yet, really.

And I've got to conclude with this photo. Really, mom and dad?!? You think it's polite to send me photos like this all week while I'm stuck in cold Chicago? It's rude is what it is.

Luckily, I will be joining my parents in this lovely little villa in Cabo in less than twenty-four hours. And yes, in case you're wondering I will be blogging from abroad. You can judge me for taking my computer on vacay but I'm not ashamed to admit I actually like blogging while in Mexico. There's nothing better than sitting on the patio with a drink in hand, watching the sunset over the ocean while I recap the day with a little bit of writing. It's my happy place. So while my post-times might be a little off and I won't be around every day, I will be posting periodically.

And of course I'll be all over Instagram @taylorgracewolfe. Have a wonderful weekend, mis compadres. Adios!

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Ode To My Christmas Tree

Thursday, November 21, 2013

So let me tell you a little bit about my Christmas Tree.

She's not fancy, she wasn't expensive, and each year more and more of her artificial pine needles continue to fall off. But we've been through a lot together her and I, and that's really all that matters.

She came into my life somewhat un-expectantly actually (as most of the best things in my life often do) about four years ago on a cold night in Topeka, Kansas. Remember how I said she wasn't fancy? Well there's your proof. Believe it of not she's a Wal-Mart born tree, and from Topeker no less. But I don't judge her for it.

Why we were in Wal-Mart in the first place I can't really remember, but it must have been a good reason because I avoided that store like the Peker plague. But we were headed out the door when what to our wondering eye should appear? But a fang toothed woman from Westboro Baptist Church wearing a sign that read "Satan Claus" and "Xmas is for Fags" standing just outside the entrance. And that was enough to make me buy the first Christmas tree we saw on the spot just so I could carry it out proudly in front of the she-devil from Westboro. Had I been able to wrap the tree in a rainbow flag I would have done so as well.

Chris worked pretty long days back then and the Topekans didn't exactly welcome me with open arms, so many nights were spent alone on the couch, just Tree and me basking in her glow. Of course there was a little puppy by the name of Harlow who was there as well, although he spent most of his time just trying to tear off every ornament he could reach while pulling roughly on her branches, but Tree didn't care.

Within just a years time, so much had already changed when I brought her out again. The puppy was a now a dog, and the city was now Chicago. And with that change came a bit of a smaller space. We were no longer living like rich folk in a three bedroom house in Kansas, but now had to stick Tree in the corner of a small apartment in Chicago, but she didn't seem to mind. Her purpose remained the same.

Fast forward another year and just one day after I took Tree out for her third season yet another life change would occur. It came in the form of a phone call from my former boss telling me the company was "restructuring," but unfortunately I wasn't a part of said restructure. That was a pretty hard blow for me because I actually liked that job and I knew that was rare to come by, especially at my age. After that call, before I wrapped myself in a blanket and spent the day on the couch feeling pretty damn sorry for myself, I texted my parents, "just got let go. please don't call me for a few hours." I was at that point where I knew if I so much as opened my mouth big ugly cries would could snorting out.  I might have laid there in my own self pity all night had it not been for Tree. As if on cue, she suddenly lit up telling me to get my butt off the couch and make the best of my situation and stop acting like such a little pansy. *it actually was on cue, because I use timers on my lights. But I took it as a sign never the less. And speaking of Christmas light timers, are those things created by magicians or what? Or am I the only idiot who can never seem to figure them out... And ps that company I worked for has since gone under for good. And I know I shouldn't be happy about such a thing, but I am.

Anyway, here we are today. Yet another holiday season is upon us and it is finally time for Tree to come out of hiding and see once again what has changed over the past year. Chris has a mustache now, so that's new. And Harlow has a few white hairs on his chin that sprouted up out of nowhere, but I like them because I think they make him look distinguished. And as for me, well from last year at this time until now I think the most noticeable difference is that I simply feel more fulfilled. Of course Tree will notice I still feel absolutely lost on a daily basis, but yet somehow I have a sense of ease knowing I'm at least going in the right direction... I hope so, anway.

As I took Tree out of her box last night I saw her bottom limb hung lower than usual. And I'm sad to say she lost quite a few more faux pine needles over the past year. But she's hanging in there. She always seems to come alive when I hang certain ornaments on her, like the photo of baby Harlow with the stocking cap on and the caption "Puppy's First Christmas 2010." And then there's the furry little Nutcracker from my mom that she purchased when she, my sister, and I saw it live in Kansas City before going out to a drag show after. And I can't forget the glitzy pearl snowflake ornament that my dad gave me two Christmas's ago and my mom yelled at him for because she thought they were too expensive. Those are some of Tree's favorites. Mine too.

And that's a little bit about my Christmas Tree. She's certainly not as tall or as fancy as the others I've seen, but for right now in my life, she's just about right.

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