An Open Letter to the World From Cara and Mady Gosselin

Monday, January 20, 2014


Dear World,

My sister, Cara, and I would like to take this time to use our words to explain to everybody what happened in our interview last Thursday. It's really a funny story actually and in no way should our beautiful loving mother be blamed for "yelling" at us. If anything, our mother loves us too much. Would you look at the woman? She's absolutely glowing. You wouldn't believe all the nice stuff she does for us, just last week she let us leave the house not once but twice to go to school! And on one of those days when we came home we even got to eat dinner. Mother Kate Gosselin? More like Mother Teresa Gosselin, in fact that's actually what my mom likes us to call her. And we LOVE it.

That being said, I think it goes without saying that we are happy. How could we not be? We grew up with a house full of cameras and what's better than that? Just ask the Osbourne kids, look how great they're doing! Kelly is skinny now and Jack doesn't do cocaine anymore. And that's because of a childhood with cameras. Same goes for the Hogan family.

So when Savanna asked me, "Mady, what would you want to say to the world about how you and your sister and family are doing?" and you saw this look on my face,

This was a look of pure joy! It was me thinking, how do I even begin to start explaining how good we are all doing? Do I start with the fact we get to see our dad at least once a year when we all go eat at the fancy restaurant where he works, Cheddars? Or how my mom brings home so many fun new "uncles" that we all get to meet and hang out with? Or should I tell them how my sweet baby sister, Alexis, is on the rise as the next big internet superstar? That girl is going places. Or should I mention how I haven't seen my little brother, Aaden, in almost three weeks because he's been in "the hole" for bad behavior. "The hole" would be my mom's uterus, she makes us climb back in there to remind us all where we came from. It actually provides for a lot of good thinking time, I think. And I should point out that Aaden deserved it, he knows better than to forget his glasses.

And then when you saw me give this look, right after my mom so graciously clapped her hands together and said "use your words!" This was simply a look of gratitude.

Silly me had forgotten that in order to talk, I actually have to use my words. Common mistake! I forget this from time to time given that for a few years right after the cameras left our house no one was able to communicate with each other verbally and we were only able to use eye movements to get our point across. Me so silly!

And then when Savanna said, "What about you Cara?"and she just gave this blank stare,
this was only because Cara can't actually talk anymore. There was an incident back in 2011 when her tongue was accidentally taken out of her mouth. You know how crazy kids can get! Accidents happen, am I right?! John and Kate plus those crazy eight!

And when my mom said she "didn't want to speak for us" that was the truth. Our mom literally never speaks to us, so why would she lie on camera? She wouldn't obviously. So you see? It was all just one big misunderstanding! But all in all our purpose for going on the show (according to Mother) was to prove to the world that we're "not messed up" or "damaged" or any of those silly words mom likes to use when she's talking to herself. And I think we did just that. (Cara is nodding her head in agreement.)

Besides normal childhoods are overrated, just ask our neighbors the Sulemans!

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25 comments:

  1. Wow! Most awkward interview ever. That was hard to watch. Damage for sure!

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  2. Lol this is hilarious! And that interview was so awkward! I feel sorry for those girls

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  3. What I don't understand is why did they agree to do the interview if they weren't going to say anything? Kate said she wasn't going to talk for them and wouldn't shut her mouth.

    I still can't get over how different they look from years ago when I would watch the show though. Kate's hair! While pretty, it doesn't seem like...her.

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  4. Just had to watch the video after this post! Awkward, awkward, awkward!

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  5. The HOLE!?!?! Died. I died. hahahaha

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  6. That was a really awkward interview, though at 13 I am not sure I would have felt comfortable on TV either. I loved the I'm not going to speak for you but blah blah blah. Haha!

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  7. my favorite part is how "our mom never speaks to us" because it's probably true. she's too caught up trying to figure out which hairstyle to come up with next.

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  8. I never saw the interview, but I love this. Most especially "the hole." I am still dying here at my desk and co-workers are starting to stare. Love it!

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  9. I am absolutely dying. The Hole part had me just done. That was the most awkward interview I've ever seen.

    Jamie @
    The Growing Up Diaries

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  10. That family. Hope all the kids are in therapy, that's all I got to say.

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  11. I feel so old now that the twins are teens now. They're supposed to still be 6, damnit.

    Joking aside, I really feel badly for the entire brood (minus Kate who is one of the reasons I spell mine with a C). Those poor kids never had and never will have a "normal" childhood.

    I hope Mady and Cara write a tell-all.

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  12. Hilarious!
    I feel bad for those kids, but I did enjoy watching Kate squirm and grit her teeth on live tv!

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  13. Hahahaha!! Well done. I didn't even see this interview because I didn't feel like wasting 5 minutes of my life, but thanks for recapping.

    xo Denise
    lovelybohemian.blogspot.com

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  14. I hadn't seen that video and immediately had to watch it. Awkward quota filled for the day.

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  15. Hoping we get an open letter from the sextuplets soon as well..... I've been dying to know what those crazy 6 are up to.

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  16. I still don't know how to respond to this video. Kate certainly did an awesome job of looking like the model mother that she is, not that the twins were of any help. -_-

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  17. I had not heard about this until now...
    wow was that awkward to sit through! I wonder what the car ride home was like... yikes!

    xo Always, Abby

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  18. First time I have seen or heard of this and the post cracked me up

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  19. its seriously like kate told her daughters to say that. wow. just wow.

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  20. I keep hearing about this on the news and Facebook and mean to look it up but pretty sure this letter gave me all the info I need hahaha

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  21. Loved this, as usual;) You have such a funny spin on things (go figure!) This whole family creeps me out, yet I did watch it religiously years ago, ha.

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  22. God, this is genius. I was literally in awe whenever I saw this interview. I wonder how long they had to go into the hole for their silence?

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  23. Wow, that was really painful to watch. Poor kids. :(

    "The hole" ahahaha, dying!!

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  24. I saw clips of this somewhere a few days ago... painful to watch. How. Embarrassing.

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