My New Years Resolutions- From 1999

Have I mentioned before that I’m a huge fan of setting goals? Like a really big fan. I set new goals for myself on a daily basis, sometimes even more than once a day. So naturally when it comes to New Years resolutions I get all sorts of excited thinking about what new things I’ve got planned for myself. I’ll write pages and pages about what I hope to accomplish in the next year and how I plan to do it. I get jollies off of it or something. But this isn’t anything new, I’ve been a little goal junkie for as long as I can remember. I guess that’s what happens when you start listening to Tony Robbins self-help tapes at the the age of seven. Thanks, Dad!

Anyway, I came across this little gem while I was at my parents house over Christmas break and boy am I glad I did. From the moment I could write I have been keeping notebooks and journals. Guess I was just born to be a blogger. Lol jk.

I had big plans for 1999, didn’t I? Seven of the eleven goals I set for myself were all physical activity related. That’s just the kind of kid I was. I used to run races and set up obstacle courses for “fun.” I really need to get some of that drive back, twelve-year-old me would be so disappointed that I no longer do push-ups after school or run suicides on the sidewalk in my free time.

And can we all just take a minute to talk about how life changing it was when you learned how to write an “S” the cool way? See top right corner of page. And if you look in the left corner you’ll see the second best learned thing to draw- a 3D box. Those two things alone changed my life in 1998. Almost as much as creating a face out of the word “boy” did for me in 1997. (See top center.)

Goal #1: Do 11 pull-ups in P.E. class.
You know what my goal would be for 2014? To do one pull-up. ONE. Because pull-ups are hard as hell. What I wouldn’t give to have the strength I used to have back in the 90s. And you know why I did pull-ups back then? So I could be awarded the Presidential Physical Fitness Award. Notice I didn’t write that down as a goal and that’s because it was just a given. I got it every year and I was smug as hell about it. And the funny thing is Bill Clinton was the president at the time, a guy whom I’m sure couldn’t win the award himself. No way could Willy pass the V-sit test and reach six inches pass his feet. Then again maybe he could…

Goal #2: Beat all of the girls (and boys) in the mile run.
I like how I went back in and added the boys just to make sure it was a real challenge. Like I said, smug. as. hell. I used to love mile day at school. I would actually train for it and time myself running the course at school beforehand. Sadly there was always one or two boys who beat me no matter how hard I trained.

Goal #3: Win the 6th Grade Track Meet.
Oh the 6th grade track meet. What can be said about a day that was everything I had hoped it would be and more? I always knew I was fastest twelve-year-old in town but this meet finally gave me the chance to prove it, so of course this was a super important goal to me. I had probably been writing it down since my sister attended the meet in ’96 and didn’t win a thing (God bless her she never had the athleticism of the family, although she did win a softball trophy once she’d be happy to show you.) And just as a side note my mom actually had that trophy made for her… 

Long story short, I won every race I was involved in at the 6th grade track meet except the 200 meter dash (which we all know is a dumb race anyway) and I strutted around that track with my posse of 6th grade girls like it was the best day ever. Because it was. See, goals really do come true! And now it’s about time I find a new glory day because it’s a little sad I’m still reminiscing on a day from 1999… #dreambig

Goal #4: Get a Tamagatchi. 
I like how I originally wrote boyfriend but then realized how stupid that sounded so I immediately scratched it out and replaced it with a Tamagatchi. Of all things, I chose a Tamagatchi. Why wouldn’t I set a goal for a new sunflower outfit? Or perhaps a new sunflower bag? Or sunflower bedspread? Or an actual sunflower that I could look at and worship every single day?

Perhaps I should have set a goal to not wear the same outfits on repeat. I don’t know, just a thought.

Same goes for this sunflower dress. At least I don’t have the demonic smile my brother does. In his defense I think he was a little constipated this morning.

Goal #5: Do the splits on the right leg too.
Being flexible as a kid was equivalent to ruling the world. Or at least it was for me. Flexibility= power. I can still remember all of the kids in grade school who could bend and stretch in all sorts of weird ways because I was deeply deeply jealous of them and their amazing God sent talents. The fact that I wasn’t graced with the ability to do the butterfly and let both of my knees touch the ground while doing so absolutely tore me up inside. And for that reason it only made sense that it was a goal of mine to learn to do the splits leading with the right leg because I had already mastered the left leg.

Goal #6: Save $40.
On my car insurance? I’m not sure what this one really means. I can only assume there was something at either the candy store or something at Wacky Weasel (presumably fake vomit/poop/something disgusting) that I was dying to get my hands on because those were the only two stores that mattered to me up until about 2001. Then again this might have had something to do with the Beanie Baby ring I was involved in in 1999; a little underground business that made me no less than $800 in 24 hours. But that story will have to come another time.

Goal #7: Work on handwriting and cursive.
Starting immediately obviously. I like how I really made an effort with #7 and #7 alone to prove that I could have nice handwriting if I really took my time at it. Is cursive still a thing I wonder? Because if it is it shouldn’t be. You wanna know who suddenly decides the alphabet isn’t good enough and should be fancied up with a bunch of curly letters that connect? A pretentious 3rd grader that’s who. Cursive is bullshit. There I said it. And just for the record my handwriting still looks exactly the same time today. I’m not kidding, when I fill out forms people often send them back to me and suggest I “don’t have my eight-year-old son fill them out next time.”

Goal #8: Make traveling basketball team.
When I was little I wanted to be on “club” everything. Club soccer, club basketball, club volleyball, you name it and I wanted to be a part of it. If you can think of something more fun than traveling out of town with your teammates and staying in a hotel (with a pool!!!) well then we must not like the same kind of fun.

Goal #9: Watch every movie.
Just watch all of the movies. I’m assuming this one had more to do with being able to keep up with the boys by quoting every Jim Carrey movie more than anything.

Goal #10: Do a backhand spring.
I wanted a backhand spring to be my party trick so damn bad. When all of the other kids started doing cartwheels and one-handed cartwheels at birthday parties I dreamed of a day when I could whip out my backhand spring and shock them all with my amazing gymnastic talents. Well I did one. Just one backhand spring on my own and then I was too scared to ever try it again.

Goal #11: Learn to tight rope walk.
Your guess is as good as mine on this one.

And that’s it. I know there’s an arrow on the bottom right corner (the universal symbol for turn the page) but there’s nothing on the back. I don’t think I quite understood the meaning of the arrow yet, but like the shoes at the top of the page, it was just too fun not to draw.

Stay tuned for tomorrow when I finish up my segment on resolutions. It’s a little post I like to call “The Bloggers Guide to Making Resolutions.” It’s gonna be a hoot.