I Don't Want To Brag, But...

Wednesday, April 2, 2014


I hate to do this to you pals, but if you're not in the mood to read another post from a super fancy blogger who's life is clearly perfect (I know you guys think this about me, it's totally cool) then you might want to skip today. Because I'm pretty much nailing life lately and I need to share it with the world.

I don't want to brag, but I've been wearing the same grey sweat pants for almost three days now. They're from high school and they say "defense" across the backside. Because why wouldn't a bunch of high school girls wear sweats with words on the butt?

I don't want to brag, but I went for a great run yesterday. I lasted about three minutes before my lungs started to sting and my ears started to pop. I'm in great shape for my age and proud of it.

I don't want to brag, but I'm probably going to put on makeup today. And I don't know about you, but I only own the good kind of makeup. It's so good that I've held onto it for years and years. My makeup box is more like a memory box, I can pull out a container of pear scented roll-on glitter and remember just how excited I was to buy it at Bath & Body in '98.

I don't want to brag, but yesterday someone called me Connie. I know there's always an exception to the rule, but for the most part we all know what Connies look like. Yesterday, a teenage boy thought I was a Connie. #blessed

I don't want to brag, but I'm not even looking for a job and yet lately CareerBuilder has been sending me a ton of great leads on positions they think "I might be interested in based on my qualifications." Out of the eight leads they sent yesterday four were for HVAC (heating ventilation and air conditioning) three were for janitorial sales, and one was for a management role in sanitation. Me! A manager! How cool is that? CareerBuilder knows me so well it's scary.

I don't want to brag,  but when I was back in Nebraska last weekend I grabbed all of my old Tony Robbins life coaching cassette tapes. You know, just in case.

I don't want to brag, but as of lately I don't even have to style my hair anymore and it still looks great. I just go to bed with it wet and when I wake up it's all pretty and mullet like, as if I actually asked someone to make me look just like Joe Dirt.

I don't want to brag, but nobody liked my status on Facebook a couple of days ago.

I don't want to brag, but I'm feeling like really pretty right now. My self esteem is so high that I spent almost two hours last night looking at Kendall Jenner's Instagram. I feel like we're twinsies, kinda.

I don't want to brag, but it's not bragging if you can back it up. That's what I always say, anyway.


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49 comments:

  1. This was just what I needed!! Happy Hump day indeed!

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  2. I just found your blog and spent two hours reading through it yesterday! Wohooo, using my work hours at its finest. You crack me up, nice to actually have a blog I enjoy reading vs. wanting to stab my eyes out after the first paragraph.

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    1. Well what a nice comment thank you! I love when people don't want to stab their eyes out bc of my posts ;)

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  3. I don't want to brag but I tweeted about being #blessed that I have 3 american flag shirts (one is sleeveless) and someone told me not to use the lord's name in vain. #blessed

    This is greatness.

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  4. I love this post! It makes me feel so much better about my lack of motivation to be a put together person.

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  5. CareerBuilder wants me to work at Chipotle- which would be crazy dangerous because then I would eat it all the time..

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  6. I don't want to brag, but... I've lost my voice (literally) so I can't brag even if I wanted to #win at least my husband is happy! Great post, Taylor :)

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  7. CareerBuilder knows me sooo well too hahahaha

    www.emilyahlbum.com

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  8. I don't want to brag but I follow the funniest bloggers in the world. Also, where can I get those sweats? Happy Wednesday :)

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  9. I just went and liked a whole bunch of stuff on your FB page :) You're welcome!
    BTW please don't ever stop blogging, cuz my life would have a whole lot less joy in it!!

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  10. I don't want to brag but reading this entire blog post is the only thing I've successfully completed all morning, and I got to work 3 hours ago.

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  11. This is so great!! All of the above!!! Ahh!!

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  12. Haha! You made my day with this post!! I love your blog. I haven't been reading for too long but it is one of my favorites!

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  13. DYING at this. I don't want to brag, but my hair looks so great that I haven't washed it in 3 days (read:lazy.) Oh, and not to add brag on top of brag, but I think I may stay in pajamas all day. Why waste clothes when pajamas do the trick? Also, lazy again. I'm dreaming big on Hump Day.

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  14. Haha! This is awesome! I don't want to brag, but I pretty much rock the stumbled out of bed look all day, messy hair and all.

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  15. I'm not going to brag but I'm totally rocking those 3 day in a row leggings from F21.....the backside is getting a little thin and see through....I think it's time to fork over another $3 for an additional pair. Hey at least you washed your hair....it's been dry shampoo over here for the past 4 ;-)
    Amanda | Meet @ the Barre

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  16. I'm trying not to wake up my sleeping baby in my arms with my body-shaking laughter. Good stuff!

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  17. It sounds like you're livin' the life :P!!

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  18. This is amazing, perfect for a pickme up on this slow humpday morning.

    I don't want to brag, but I got very little sleep last night, and anyone that works with me can probably tell.

    Cheers!
    Katie

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  19. This is hilarious!! Thank you for the much needed laugh, keep it up because you are awesome!
    http://taymeetsworld.blogspot.com

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  20. I don't want to brag, but last night I had an epic dance party with my dog. Because who needs humans to have fun?

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  21. I don't want to brag, but it's my husband's birthday today and he decided he wanted to enjoy his free Denny's breakfast in PEACE today, aka w/o me and baby...and I don't blame him LOL

    love this post!

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  22. I don't want to brag but I'm rocking the I-slept-in-my-makeup-smokey-eye today.

    Career Builder also thinks I'd be good an janitorial services, but also a fast food manager!

    Love this post! *high five*

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  23. Haha!! Love you!! I don't want to brag but I've been wearing the same yoga pants with a huge hole on the thigh for two days now...#hotness

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  24. This is so perfect! I don't want to brag, but I had the best conversation last night about life and figuring out my future... with my cat.

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  25. Hilarious! I don't want to brag, but today I walked into some else's cube thinking it was mine. Then I let out a startled gasp when I saw someone in (not) my chair.

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  26. You are hilarious! This post made me smile immensely! Keep up the bragging ;)

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  27. Just found your blog recently - new favorite! Humorous writing is always the best.

    #WeAllKnowWhatConniesLookLike #NoOffenseToConnie

    Miranda xx

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  28. just burst out laughing in class while reading this! haha thank you!

    Maddy
    http://cassidylou.com

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  29. hahah this cracked me up...so glad I'm not the only one who has such cool stuff to brag about :) Love it!

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  30. Currently crying - tears of mirth. You win all the life awards.

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  31. You're like, really funny.

    So you agree? You think you're really funny?

    And the Joe Dirt one? I'm just picturing it now.. haha

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  32. hahahaha. Best post I've read all day.

    I just got extremely nostalgic when you spoke of scented roll on glitter. The good ole' days.

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  33. Haha! I like this! It's so true!

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  34. Yup.. I hang onto some pretty questionable make-up products myself.
    I wrote a journal post finally.. totally inspired by you of course. Thank you for the inspiration!

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  35. haha I just love everything about this. Is your make up residing in a caboodle still? I sure hope so!

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  36. I think I probably still have my white eyeliner with glitter - it looked HOT in 8th grade. And I am the queeeen of not even doing my hair. #lazygirlprobs

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  37. Hahaha! Love this! It just occurred to me that I've been wearing my dance-pants all day, every day for the past... three or four days? Yeah, I'm awesome.

    Sue//Chevron and Lace
    susanstange.com

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  38. Perfect! I just want to link to your post any time someone starts bragging. I couldn't have said any of this any better.

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  39. I´m still catching up on this past week´s blog posts, and I can´t believe I missed this one. SO GREAT!
    The brag about running is so me! hahaha couldn´t help but laugh and relate, glad I´m not the only one out there who´s life is so perfect ;)

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  40. hahaha. Ain't that the truth! So glad to have stumbled across your blog! :)

    xo
    Plucky

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  41. Oh this one was a winner. That was a good laugh.

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  42. Seriously, hilarious. The facebook one made me LOL #storyofmylife

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  43. Pear scented roll on glitter is THE TRUTH!

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