Why I'm Not Married

Monday, May 5, 2014

Over the weekend Chris and I passed the 6.5 year dating mark. We also endured our fifth move as a couple. In our third state together. That's some tough stuff right there. But like we always do, we survived.

Four years ago when we first moved in together a friend of mine told me that we'd either be broken up, or engaged within a year. "It's just what happens when you move in with each other, it's one or the other." 

I didn't want to do either. Luckily for me, neither did Chris. That being said, a couple of days ago I came across an older article on Huffington Post called "Why You're Not Married." This looks interesting, I thought to myself. I always love when someone I don't know tries to tell me something new about myself, so I gave it a read. 


Let's look at the reasons Ms. Huffington Post says I'm not married yet.

"1. You're a Bitch.
Here's what I mean by bitch. I mean you're angry.

2. You're Shallow.
You are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is.

3. You're a Slut.
Hooking up with some guy in a hot tub on a rooftop is fine for the ladies of Jersey Shore -- but they're not trying to get married. 

4. You're a Liar.
It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship.

5. You're Selfish.
If you're not married, chances are you think a lot about you. 

6. You're Not Good Enough.
Oh, I don't think that. You do."

End quotes. Good stuff, right? Now let me give you my two cents.

I'm an angry bitch? Yeah, I have my moments. But for the most part, no, I'm not. In fact I kind of hate those bitchy girls who think it's cute or funny to belittle/make fun of their significant others in public. If you don't like the guy you're with why be with him?

I'm shallow. Only when it comes to two things- having good taste in Doritos and comedy. I couldn't be with someone who thought stupid stuff was funny. I just couldn't. And what in the hell is an Eames chair?

I'm a slut. Ha. Chris was (and is) my first boyfriend. And are hot tubs still a thing? Gross.

I'm a liar. Only when it comes to denying that I "hid" Chris's stuff i.e. his shoes, his glasses, phone charger, keys, ext. I never hide his things, I simply put them away...

I'm selfish. Guilty, I am pretty selfish. But I assure you Harlow and Chris are always at the top of my list as well.

I'm not good enough. Now this is an area I've never had trouble with. I'm not arrogant, but I've never been the type of person with low self esteem or low self confidence either. I've just had the mentality that if someone doesn't like me oh well, there's plenty of other people in this world. I've always had a case of the "I don't give a shits" when it comes that. Which I've also been told makes me seem a little bit "hard to read" or "stand-offish" as well, but that's an entirely different subject.

Basically what I'm trying to say can be summed up with a favorite movie quote of mine-


Sorry Huffpost, but you didn't get this one right. The real reason we're not married is much more simple. We just don't want to be right now.

That's it. We're not against it. We're not scared of it. We're not trying to convince each other of it. We're simply content as we are. Pretty boring, huh?

So there you have it, we're just an old lame dating couple.


My 21st bday. I guess we're not that boring.


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58 comments:

  1. Yes to all of this. I'm a little bit older than you, so I also get these looks of pity and concern from others. people often ask if everything is okay between C and me, or pity me that I must have a man with "commitment issues." People, we're going to get married some day, so calm your tits! And even if we don't get married, what does it matter? We have a home (and very soon a dog) together, and we're very happy and comfortable.
    I think that when people act like marriage is a goal is when the "sanctity of marriage" is really challenged. Let people get married because they want to, not because everyone else decides that it's time.
    This comment ended up being longer than I meant it to be. So I guess my point is, Great post!
    - Rachel @ With Love, Rachel

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  2. I actually cannot believe Huffpost published that article ...

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  3. I read this article on the post, too, and at first I thought it was a prank. Haven't we evolved past these antiquated ideas by now?

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    Replies
    1. Right? Pretty sure it was just written for shock value.

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  4. um, wow. I thought you were paraphrasing with sarcasm and then I looked again and saw the quotations. I mean, really?

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    Replies
    1. Oh no, that's all real stuff right there. Amazing, right?

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  5. Well that list was pleasant. I cannot believe they actually published that. But I am happy you wrote a post about it because this topic does annoy me a good deal. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost eight years and the looks I get when people ask how long we've been together are unwelcome to say the least. I'm not against marriage, I'm just not that into it right now. I find it surprising that people get the concept of "to each their own" right up until this subject.

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  6. Great post. I lived with my now husband for 3 years before we married. And a big reason we got married (other than the obvious love thing), is I really had shitty insurance at my job and I wanted the good stuff. Because we married, I was able to hop on his insurance, quit a job I hated, quit the replacement job I almost equally hated, and finally land with a good company. Now my insurance through my company is better than his. heh. Honestly though, if his company had allowed him to have a non-married partner on his insurance, we might not be married yet.

    -Jackie
    http://ournashvillelife.com

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  7. P.S. If/When you guys ever get engaged or married. PREPARE YOURSELVES. You will then be asked non-stop about your future children.

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  8. I love this post - to each their own!

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  9. At first, I thought that article was fake but then I read it... I mean, really? I hope people don't take it literally... I am completely with you though on this post. The boy & I have been together a little over 3 years while everyone else we know is already married. We're kind of the same way.. not married because we don't want to be. And it's always good to know there are others out there too :)

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    Replies
    1. By others, I mean, other couples 'like' us.

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  10. Wow, I was completely unaware that I was a bitch, shallow, slut, liar, selfish, and not good enough all rolled into one. It's always fun learning something new about yourself! Here's to 5 years of the bitchiness, shallowness, sluttiness, etc. that has made me incredibly happy in my relationship ;D Also, congrats on your 6.5 years :D

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  11. I'm in the 6 1/2 years club too! My entire family thinks I should either be married by now, or have broken it off by now because 'he couldn't commit' or whatever excuse they had concocted that week. Its a pleasure to read an opinion that doesn't ridicule, chastise, or insult those of us who are simply taking our time. We have moved four times together and are moving again in a few short months. I can totally relate, and it brightened my day to know that we are not alone. Thanks!

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  12. Love this. I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 years now and people ask about that a lot too. We are just content with the way things are.

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  13. Yes yes yes yes yes yes. Ps I stole your going steady hashtag. I seriously love this.

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  14. I love this so much! I'm on the brink of marriage and I love and respect the crap out of couples like you. Who cares what anyone else thinks!

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  15. I can totally relate to this! My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years and are not married. We like it that way...we're just not ready. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." We're content right where we are. It's fun!

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  16. Well said! My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 6 years. I'm right there with you. We're just not into marriage right now, but we know we'll be ready for it eventually.

    I sometimes wonder how serious these shock pieces really are. Do they do it for the publicity value, or do they actually believe this crap?

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  17. That article is crazy! My husband & I just got married 6 months ago which also happened to be about a month shy of our 7 years of being together. Yeah we waited a long time to get married but we waited until we were completely ready to be married, could afford a wedding/honeymoon & for a whole other slew of reasons. I can't believe someone would publish something like that... I truly hope it was for the shock value & not because it is something they actually believe to be true!

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  18. Oh my gosh, yes to all of this! I just read that post and then looked at Bryan and was like "apparently we aren't married after our 5 years of dating because I'm not good enough and you aren't a man of character" we had a good laugh over it and moved on. We aren't married because, well, we just aren't. We bought a house together and there is no doubt in either of our minds that we're both in this for the long haul, but marriage just isn't our first priority right now, we're only 24!

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  19. That post is ridiculous and disgusting at the same time - they should be ashamed!! Just another example of how the media is constantly trying to get the world to confirm. You guys are a great couple x

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  20. ha wow, huffington post apparently stooped to a new low with that one! my SO and i haven't been together as long as you + Chris, but we've lived together for 2 years and been together almost 3. getting married isn't a priority right now - we have a lot of shit to do before that, like remodel our house and um, you know, go on vacations and do fun stuff before our families demand babies!

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  21. I am so glad that I moved to a country where the pressure to get married is basically non-existent! I think all that matters is that your happy, married or not!

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  22. My husband and I dated over 6 years before we got married and not too surprisingly we are one of the only couples still married out of most all of our friends. I feel like we took our time and although we had pressure from friends and family, I am so glad we waited.

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  23. Amen on just being you and your relationship. Sometimes marriage can ruin things, sometimes its the best, all that matters is what works for you guys.

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  24. this is perfect. what a great response to an article that has no idea what's really going on in most people's lives. I love y'alls relationship. you guys have a good foundation and really seem to care about one another. not all married couples can say that.

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  25. I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 6 years as well (he was my first boyfriend too!) and we get this question A LOT. But mostly from Baby Boomers. Most people our age understand the myriad reasons to wait (saving money, finishing master's degree programs, moving across the country, etc). I haven't had the courage to use this yet, but one of the best responses to the "When are you getting married?" query from a family member is: "When you pay for it!"

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  26. I love this! All that matters is that you are happy:)

    xo, Taylor

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  27. I don't understand why people think it is a big deal, or their business, for that matter as to why people aren't married (or why married people don't have children). Mind your biz people! And speaking of Doritos- the best way to eat them is to smother them in shredded cheese and ranch dressing, then pop it in the microwave to melt the cheese. The best you will ever have :)

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  28. I think people put too much hype into marriage if you are happy where you are dont complicate things its just that simple. My sister and her BF have been dating for 10 years... sometimes you dont need that little piece of paper to make you feel like soul mates bc you already are and nothing can change that

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  29. Seriously, I never understand posts like that. There's no more wrong with a couple not being engaged or married than there is with a couple being engaged or married. Everyone does things at their own pace and if they're happy where they are, who cares?! Why judge it?

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  30. This might be my favorite of your posts yet. I'm in a similar relationship (minus three years) and we're pretty happy where we are. I think the people that push marriage are the ones that end up divorced.

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  31. This is great! The quote at the end explains it all! Congrats on making it through the obstacles! xx
    www.emilyahlbum.com

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  32. Eames chair is a mid century modern designer chair that was made by Ray & Charles Eames for the Herman Miller Furniture Company. It's like a very early precursor to the Ikea chair. You've more than likely seen it before just didn't know the name. :).

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  33. Amen! My boyfriend and I have been together 8 years and we are just not into getting married. We are fine with what we have. We know the other one is not going anywhere. I don't need a ring or piece of paper to convince me of that. Statistically, less people are getting married than ever but yet people are omg so shocked that you aren't getting married and popping out 2.5 kids.

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  34. A-freaking-men! I moved across the country to be with Mr. Michigan and we are in no way ready to get married! Every couple is different and needs different things at different times. These articles floating around are seriously starting to annoy me!

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  35. Oh wow - I'm sure that article really brighten up people's day who were reading it, huh? Glad you could see it for what it was and just make fun of it. Good for you for doing what you want and being comfortable in your decisions. Some people need to just worry about themselves...that's why I tell my preschoolers anyway

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  36. that article kinda sucks! we got married because if we didnt, i'd get deported #truth
    and oh my lord, the girls that are rude to their significant others in public - i cant handle it. hubby and i poke fun at each other all the live long day, but never seriously, and i would never put him down like ive seen people do to their husbands / boyfriends.
    anywho.

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  37. My fiance and I just got engaged in November, after being together for 7 years and living together for 5 years. I would get so tired of people asking why we weren't engaged. Even my mom joined in on the why aren't you engaged conversations. We were happy with where we were and did not need a ring or a piece of paper to tell us we were committed. After finishing his PhD and him turning 30, we decided it was the right time for us to get married. Now I know I will get asked when we want to have kids... which is not soon. It is so annoying, just let people live their lives the way they want to.

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  38. I think not wanting to be married is the perfect reason not to be. Tyson and I have been "dating" for 13 years, we have a daughter, and still just don't want to get married. We're happy with the way things are, no need to have a piece of paper for that.

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  39. There is plenty of time. Definitely no rush.

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  40. I completely agree with you! I am a little taken aback with the article, they must've been mad about something and just wrote that down or may have been talking about someone in particular. Wow.

    You go Glen Coco and your dating self :)

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  41. I'm so glad you two are content and happy! That is ALL that matters!!! :) stupid Huffington post!

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  42. I think this is great. See I see stuff all the time about how if you get married young you are doomed to divorce. Well I got married at 19 and in July we will be married for 10 years. There is no way to know. It's what works for you and not someone else.

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  43. The one and only good reason not to get married is because you are afraid you will end up being one of those deadly wives who hack their husband up during the night.................lol

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  44. thank you for posting this! A friend of mine just got engaged after dating a guy for 6 months...you barely know a person after 6 months. I'd rather have 6 years!

    Maddy
    http://cassidylou.com

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  45. Over 6 years? You go girl! My Dad and his girlfriend have been together for 12 years and they still aren't married but they love it that way!
    http://guesswhathollie.blogspot.co.uk/

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  46. I was excited about getting married when I met my "fiance".. but only because we were moving in together and I wanted household gifts. I work in the wedding "industry" and it's the biggest pain in the ass. I will never have a wedding, etc-- but he can surely put a ring on it. I don't need paperwork to prove his love for me.. just lots and lots of towels, pretty stuff for the house, and a kitchenaid mixer damnit!

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  47. I love this! I met my husband in college and we dated 8 years before getting married (now we are 8 months in and killing this marriage thing!) Everyone gave us a hard time and their jaws drop to this day when we say 8 years but we met as babies and weren't ready for marriage. Eventually we were and we did it on our own time. Screw everyone else! It's one of the biggest decisions of your life. You've got a good guy and you're happy, the rest is no one else's business. Power to the long term monogamous relationships!

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  48. I love it! My fiance and I are hitting the 10 year dating anniversary this year and we've been engaged for over 2 years and yet, have no desire to get married quiet yet. We're completely happy with our relationship and the stage we're at... though not many people understand how we can be together for so long and engaged for so long without being married yet. I'm so glad you wrote this... I'm glad to know we're not the only ones who are completely content and happy where we are now!

    ~Samantha

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