In response to this guy.
Dear 40 Year-Old, Male, Single, 5'10", Fit, Bald, Caucasian, Hazel-Eyed, Overeducated, Nice Dressing,Wine- and Food-Obsessed, West Loop-living Secret Admirer,
I am swooning over here.
Can I just say how nice it is to finally hear a big handsome male like yourself say what I have been dying to hear my entire life? That you notice me! There is a purpose for me getting up each and every day after all.
And the fact that you notice my sexy boots and flared skirts (not sure what those are but God love you for knowing) and my leggings and cashmere sweaters that "coyly accentuate my bosom." I am so tickled to hear this for many reasons. For starters, I only get dressed in the morning with the hopes that men will look at me and find me attractive. After all, isn't that the sole purpose of women looking nice? So men can enjoy us of course! Sweet sweet men like yourself.
And I can't tell you how long it's been since I've heard a man say something so cute as "coyly accentuate your bosom." If there's any type of man I want admiring me, it's a man like you who appreciates a good bosom. Whenever I get dressed I ask myself two things. 1. Does this accentuate my bosom? And 2. is there any man out there kind enough to even notice? Now I know.
So please, next time you see me on the street go ahead and stop me so you can pay me that awesome compliment about my style or my body. I'm just so happy to know you're looking at both! And besides, chances are I have absolutely nowhere to be, or anything to do anyway. I'm probably just walking around aimlessly looking for cupcakes or men to validate me. Women are always on the hunt for both hehe!
As for the sunglasses tip, well now I'm just embarrassed. This whole time I've been wearing them under the impression they made me look both sexy and cool. I assure you it was never something so silly as just a protection for my eyes against the sun, I really thought they made me look cute. But just unapproachable? Oh no! I can speak for all women when I say not only are we approachable, we also all want to be approached. At all times! It makes us feel good on the inside to know some men just look at us like we're cute little kittens.
And you're right, I should take out my silly earbuds so I can hear more compliments from men I don't know! I think we both know I'm just listening to Mandy Moore's I'm Missing You Like Candy on repeat anyway.
So thank you! Thank you for this "unsolicited missive." I too can only hope and pray it will improve my odds of someday finding a man like you who can tell me how nice my scarf matches my eyes. Because you know what this world needs? More eye compliments.
And I'm definitely going to work on my default expression. Sometimes I just forget how much other people appreciate when I mask everything with a cute smile (giggles!) Girls should always be smiling, what do we have to worry about anyway right? Right! I feel better already.
Thanks again for empowering women with this fun letter.
Girl Who Recently Had To Change Her Walking Route After Not One, But Two Women Were Sexually Assaulted In Her Neighborhood Two Weekends In A Row.