Musings Of An Arrogant Child

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

"If I could trade places with anyone."

Naturally at age eight it only felt right that the two people I could replace would be Julia Roberts and Kathy Ireland. Julia Roberts because I was obviously a phenomenal actress. And Kathy Ireland because I was stunningly gorgeous.

How does an eight year even know of super model Kathy Ireland you might wonder. Well didn't your dad have Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendars hanging in his workout room? Wasn't that your go-to Christmas gift every year as a little kid when you didn't know what to get good old dad? No? That's not normal? Whatever. I suppose the next thing you're going to tell me is that it's not normal for your dad to walk around in muscle-tanks over his lunch hour while he pumps iron or to beg him to put you on a lifting regiment and start taking creatine at age ten. To each their own. (And just for the record I never took creatine as a child...just as a teenager.)

Here's another thing you need to know about young Taylor. At this point in my life I was starring in an impressive Norfolk Community Theater production called "Super Gift From Heaven." (A very well known play, obviously.)  It was one of those "non school plays" I mentioned above. School theater was so below me.

In Super Gift From Heaven I played Amanda (the biggest part.) I had a solo entitled, "What Is A Gift?" that I sang beautifully, lisp and all. Never mind that I couldn't carry a tune. It wasn't about the way the song sounded, it was about how much heart I put into it. I sang that song as loud and as hard as I could, damn it.

And I also did my own makeup for the play.

I can't get over my own beauty. My eyebrows, my ears, my snaggle teeth, the headband, I think it's pretty clear I was the whole package. I knew it then and I know it now.

I ruled Norfolk during this time. I had adoring fans, signed autographs, and could barely walk into my own house without getting recognized. So was I a pretty confident child? Yea, I guess you could say that. Did I really model "at the mall three times" as stated above? No, probably not. I was also an intense liar.

However the most terrifying thing about this entry from 1995 might be the drawing I included on the backside.



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  1. At age 8 I was convinced I would have performed in several Broadway plays and be rich and married by the age I am now. I've only done 1 community theatre production (Nunsense - I was the novice nun, which meant I flirted with the handsome doctor in the crowd; I had yet to take my vows), and have been turned away every time I auditioned for my school's esteemed theatre. My 8 year old arrogance has been dashed.

  2. Hahahah at age 8 I was convinced I'd grow up and be the next Ariel…. I totally get the 8 year old arrogance.


  3. Being eight is such an odd age. Everything you're learning is new & you really are figuring out everything for the very first time. I think it's around age I learned what sex was & I was extraordinarily shocked how those pieces fit together ha ha. I think you're an incredible make up artist even back then!:] // ▲ ▲

  4. look at those teeth tho... I swear we were the same kid growing up. Just me in Texas, and you in Nebraska.

  5. Hahaha, awesome! You were so cute! At least you were confident, right?? :) I'm pretty sure at 8 years old I thought I would be a famous singer by now, so yeah...

  6. You totally could have modeled at the mall three times, your teacher totally bought it.

  7. I'm pretty sure your drawing looks identical to the Hey Arnold character Helga. Classic.

  8. This is so funny! You were adorable. But I am glad to see your makeup skills have improved.

  9. haha how sweet though! I love the drawing and the makeup ;)

  10. Is that supposed to be a self portrait? Looks awesome! At least you dreamed big, I used to pretend I was homeless and lived under a bridge, and would get irate when my mother wouldn't let me sleep on my sleeping bag like the hobos did! Wanting to be Julia Roberts or a model would have been a lot more acceptable I suppose.

  11. I've modeled three times at the mall........ I can die happy now. Did I ever tell you the time I paid to be in a top notch local molding "agency'" in which my most fond memories are the smell of hairspray and a gingers voice screeching how she had no idea why she had so many zits on her face but then proceeded to spray gallons of hair spray on her face? Some things we NEVER forget!!