Cheers To The Week Ahead

Monday, April 28, 2014

Want to hear a funny story? Good, I'm going to tell you one.

Exactly six years ago today I was lying on a hospital bed hooked up to EKG cords having all sorts of tests done, while also having my blood drawn at least six times a day. Was I sick? Nope. Just shameless. I was in college and thought it would be "fun" to try out a medical study to earn some quick cash. Yea guys, I'm talking about one of those medical studies you see advertised on TV or hear on the radio. The kind of shit you hear and wonder what kind of creep actually does this stuff? This creep, that's who.

I spent five long days locked in a "hospital" testing out a new drug just because I wanted to go to Europe for spring break. You want to know what kind of people do medical studies? Gross people. I was lucky because my study was specifically for people ages 18-23 who didn't smoke or do illegal drugs so at least my fellow study participants weren't that bad. But let me tell you, there were some real characters in the joint. AKA, the lifers. As in people who just do one medical study after the other after the other and that's their full time "job." I learned real quick the lifers were not the kind of people you wanted to mess with in the rec room or the yard. 

Yea, life on the inside for those five days was hard. I slept in my bunk in all of my clothes with one eye open and one hand on the plastic knife I took from the cafeteria. We weren't allowed weapons for obvious reasons. We also weren't allowed our phones (because sexual predators were taking photos of the women one nurse told me the day I checked in.) 

"Wouldn't it just be easier to not allow sexual predators in here?" I asked. 

And I swear to God she looked at me matter-of-factly and said,  "Oh we don't do background checks. We'd lose most of our study participants if we did."

A sane person would have ran the hell back to their cozy little sorority house on the college campus and laughed with all of her prissy friends about what she almost got herself involved with, but not me. I thought, oh yea that makes sense. And I marched inside ready to start my five days of lock up.

Long story short, I survived the five days without a scratch and made some great friends out of the experience. Hello to Starr and Junior if you're reading! I hope everything turned out okay with your legal issues. And as for any weird side effects from the unknown drug I was testing, I haven't had any. Besides the fact I now grow red curly hair on my heels and my eyes roll back in my head every time I hear a bell ring. 

I have no idea why I am talking about this right now. I had intended to write a boring old post about how I have so much to do this week and blah blah blah but then I happened to look at the date and couldn't help but chuckle thinking about where I was just six years ago at this time.

So cheers to the week ahead, whatever you might have going on. If you're feeling bogged down just remember things could always be worse, you could be waking up in a bunk bed at an MDS medical study in Lincoln, Nebraska with a woman named "Peaches" sleeping below you in a tie dye Pooh Bear t-shirt.

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20 Reasons Blogging Is Weird

Friday, April 25, 2014

And it is finally Friday. I'm feeling less than spunky this morning because I hosted a comedy show at Hubbarb Inn last night and drank one too many Moscow Mules. If you're in Chicago and get the chance to go to one of the shows at Hubbard Inn I would definitely recommend it. They always have great comedians in the room, last night Amir K from Los Angeles flew in (who was so damn good it was ridiculous) and also the 3rd floor where they host the show is just such an awesome space. It's definitely a cool thing to do on a Thursday night.

Anyway... I'm excited today that I get to collaborate with one of my favorite bloggers. She's very funny, tells it like it is, and is just an all around great writer and blogger. And I love this link-up she co-hosted a few days ago called "The Military Wives of Blogland." By now you all know I'm talking about Samantha from The Samantha Show.

1. I talk about my blog friends as if I've met them in real life and I have known them forever. 

2. I get offended when other people share posts on Facebook and have no idea who the blogger behind them is. 

3. I get sent free stuff for no reason other than the fact that I wear it or use it and then talk about it. 

4. I get paid to play on social media. 

5. I plan on visiting bloggers I've met on the internet.. and hope I don't get catfished and shoved in a dumpster. 

6. I've learned I can pretty much buy everything except food on Instagram. Wait, just kidding, I can do that too. 

7. I'm usually blogging, thinking about blogging, getting ready to blog, or brainstorming for a blog post 24/7. 

8. I have no shame in taking selfies and posing for pictures in public. Bonus weird points if I get caught.

9. We have our own special language; link-ups, buttons, sponsoring, etc. Say that to a non-blogger and they will have no idea what the hell you're talking about. 

10. I identify myself as a blogger and most people have no idea what that means. And I'm totally okay with that. 

11. People I've never met sometimes know more about me than I people I know in "real life."

12.  I panic Monday morning if I didn't take any photos over the weekend.

13. My dog sometimes gets more packages sent to him to review than I do.

14. I regularly get asked "are you going to blog about this?"

15. I'd get way too excited if I saw one of my favorite "big bloggers" in public.

16. Wednesday morning photo shoots are just a normal thing now. Except it's still very uncomfortable for all involved...

17. I get a little bit jealous when I see a really good post I wish I would have written.

18. I sometimes complain about it like it's something I have to do...

19. I like to pretend reading other blogs is my job.

20. Because we all know way too much about each other.

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I'm The Kinda Girl Who...

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

I'm the kinda who joins link-ups over two months late. Is that okay? Cool, because I just did it.

I'm also the kinda girl who...

Makes a list in my head every night while laying in bed of how I'm going to take over the world the next morning. And then I fail to accomplish any of them because I choose to sleep in instead. Happens every damn time.

When my computer chord is more than an arm's reach away and I'm on my couch (like right now) I just accept the fact my computer is going to be dead for the next few hours until it's absolutely necessary to get up again.

I'm the kinda girl who...

Doesn't separate laundry. I once received an "undergarment bag" for high school graduation and I used it to keep hair accessories in.

I also like to keep my clean clothes in the dryer for as long as possible.

I'm the kinda girl who loves a good hair tutorial. Especially for braids...

I'm the kinda girl who...

Thinks that whenever I get a voicemail it means someone has died. Same goes for the "call me" text. Let's just stop doing that, okay?

When an app mysteriously deletes on my phone I act as if someone just broke into my home and rearranged everything. I'm not for sure what's missing but I know something is...

I'm the kinda girl who...

Gets a pedi about twice a year.

And a mani once a year.

That's just an extravagance I won't allow myself to have.

I'm the kinda girl who...

Packs for a move the night before it happens. One week from today Chris, Harlow and I are moving into our new place and I haven't packed a single box.

I've thought about it. But what's the point, I know I'm just going to toss everything into trash bags and pillow cases in the end anyway.

If I'm a bit absent  next week you'll know why. I'll be in full blown moving-hysteria. You haven't lived until you've attempted a move in the city.

I'm the kinda girl who is beyond thankful to all of you who took the time to vote for my video by clicking the yellow "FUNNY" button on Funny Or Die yesterday! You guys did good, real good. The voting ends at midnight on Wednesday. The judges will then review the clips, the votes, the views, and they ultimately have the final decision. But I should know by next week. I'll keep you posted. And if I don't keep you posted just know it's because I lost and I'm being a sore loser.

Jk, I'll totally let you know either way.

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20 Stages Of Blogging

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The idea!
It all starts with one simple thought: I think I want to start a blog. Most will sit on this idea for a long time debating over which action to take next. Or if you're like me you sit on it for about two minutes and then start a blog on a complete whim one day choosing a very generic name you plan to change later...

This is really happening.
You've chosen your platform, gotten your url, and even picked a name. The only thing that awaits is the first post... The hardest of them all, if you ask me.

The excitement of publishing the first post.
You did it! Now what? .... You write another! And Another, and another! Content is flowing from your finger tips faster than you can type.

This is so fun.
Why didn't you start this years ago you wonder as you write one brilliant post after the other? Your photos look great, your graphics are amazing, this is your calling!

I'm going to take over the world!
Later day job, you've found a much better hobby you're going to make your full time career. Move over big bloggers, you're the next big thing.

But wait, where is everyone?
Followers? Readers? Hello? Where are you guys? Good content is happening right now so why is no one reading?

I have to do what to get people to stop by?

Overwhelmed, maybe this is too much.
Link-ups. Comments. Guest Posts. Twitter. Instagram. Facebook. Bloglovin. Google +. Community. Politics of blogging.

One step at a time...
You can do this. You realize blogging is a marathon not a race.

Traffic starts to build.
Your enthusiasm returns once again!

This is great. Time to read all of the blogs about blogs.
Can't. Get. Enough. Blog. Insight.

But wait, who am I again?
The sneaky voice of comparison sneaks in. In an attempt to read all of the big blogs to get ideas on how they got so big you start to question your own voice.

This sucks.

Blog friends to the rescue.
Others feels this way too? Yay! Maybe all hope isn't lost after all.

Your stats start to climb. Other bloggers start to comment.

Then suddenly stagnant.
But why? Why did it slow down all of the sudden?

Yay it's back up!

Stagnant again.
But why?


Fun again.
Can't stop. Wont's stop.

(and repeat stages 3-20 day after day after day...)

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Girl On The Go

Monday, April 21, 2014

And it's above 70 degrees yet again today. You can't tell it from this photo, but Chicago is starting to turn green. Tulips are bursting from the ground and buds are starting to pop on the trees. It's just a matter of time before this city looks good again!

Anyway, the other day I was thinking about how one of my favorite things about living in Chicago is the fact that it's a walking city. I absolutely love that I can go weeks and weeks without ever getting in my car. When it's nice outside I run almost every errand by foot or on my bike. I love than I can get groceries, or grab my dry cleaning, or run by Walgreens and it's all within a half mile or so of where I live. Most times I don't even consider getting in a car to run errands unless I have to go somewhere really far away. And the funny thing is I never thought I'd be the type of person to like living in a city where I walk everywhere. Before I moved here I was the lazy girl who complained if I didn't get a front row parking spot at Target. Now I'm just thrilled if I don't have to walk more than thirty minutes to go somewhere.

And of course there's also that four-legged little guy who insists on going on at least ten walks a day. In the summer he needs at least twenty... And that's why I don't join a gym.

The only downfall is finding shoes that are comfortable enough to walk in for miles and miles on any given day. And I'm not the type to wear sneakers with jeans because it makes me feel like a huge fourth grader so I just won't do it. That is until I was given the opportunity to partner with Reebok and I was introduced to their new line of shoes, the Reebok Skyscape. And now I'm obsessed. They are truly the lightest things I have ever put on my feet (only 5 ounces!). They are perfect to just slip on when I'm heading out the door to run one of the millions of errands I seem to go on every day.

And of course I love the fact that they don't look like your average sneaker. Not only are they insanely comfortable, they're also pretty cute and stylish. That's a total win/win when you're doing as much walking as I do every day.

The best part is Reebok is giving one of you the chance to win a YourReebok Custom Card which you will use to design your own pair of Skyscapes! To enter, just leave a comment telling me where you'd wear your new Skyscapes.

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Sweepstakes Rules:
No duplicate comments.
You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:
  1. Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
  2. Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
  3. Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
  4. For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry.
This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. The notification email will come directly from BlogHer via the sweeps@blogher email address. You will have 72 hours to respond; otherwise a new winner will be selected.
The Official Rules are available here.
This sweepstakes runs from 4/21/2014-5/18/2014.
Be sure to visit the Reebok Skyscape brand page on where you can read other bloggers’ posts!

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Chicago Does Easter

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Chicago did good this weekend. The weather was so nice it almost made me forget the winter hell we've been living in for the past six months. Almost... Chicago has a lot of making up to do yet. 

Chris and I decided to spend Saturday at Wrigley watching the Cubs. I guess I should say he was watching the Cubs, I spent a majority of the afternoon thinking about my next snack. For some reason food just tastes better in a stadium. 

(This was only Chris's third hot dog of the day...)

After the game we decided to celebrate the Cubs victory with a little barbecue from one the oldest and best restaurants in the city, Twin Anchors. Take my word, if you ever come to Chicago you're going to want to eat at this place. It's like walking into a time warp and it's amazing. There's a reason it was one of Frank Sinatra's Chicago go-tos back in the day.

And then of course we did a little Easter brunching on Sunday at my favorite neighborhood spot, Dunlays on Clark.

And the last part of Easter was spent grilling on the patio enjoying our cute little side yard for the last two weeks before we move to our new home. Even just typing the word "move" makes me exhausted... I love decorating a new place and reorganizing, but it's all of that other stuff that I don't love. Let's just say moving is hard on a relationship... at least for a few hours. You know, those hours when you're trying to move an awkwardly heavy mattress but someone is walking too fast and someone is walking too slow and suddenly you run into a corner and jam your head and why are you so damn inconsiderate all the time?

Moving is fun.

And now it's time to get ready for another crazy week. Happy Monday, friends.

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Girl Walks Into A Comedy Bar

Friday, April 18, 2014

It's Friday! Yay it's finally here! Let's keep this short and sweet because I'm sure all of you have better things to do on this lovely Good Friday.

I found out a couple of days ago that I made the line-up for the Chicago Womens Funny Festival in June! Woo hoo! I'm really excited because it's my first comedy festival so I'm not quite sure what to expect. My ultimate goal is to get into one of New York's comedy festivals this summer, but I know they're really competitive so I don't want to get too ahead of myself. Then again, I'm always ahead of myself. This whole comedy thing is just so weird and new to me, I have no idea how long it will last so my goal is to simply ride it out as long as it's still fun me. Let's just say some nights are better than others...

Last night I told jokes at the comedy bar downtown and was lucky enough to have my old roomy from Kansas City in town, Sara, to take some photos. Sara was one of the first people to see me do stand-up last year in her living room after I drank a little bit too much and decided to do my first set ever in front of three of my best pals... And then an hour later I accidentally started her apartment on fire. Oh that was a funny night.

Not my best look... 

That's all I've got for today. I had about 100 other post ideas that were all going to be much better than this one, but I've got a bad case of the Fridays and my mind is all over the place.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter weekend! I'm throwing it back to Easter '89 when I used to rock a bonnet like it was nobody's business. "Look ma, it's a fence."

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Ten Of My Greatest Instagram Fails- Part II

Thursday, April 17, 2014

When it comes to Instagram, I'm just as guilty as the next person in regards to posting stupid stuff. I don't know what it is about that app, but for some reason I just get all caught up in the fun of it and will start documenting every last thing I do because I think it's all totally photo worthy.

Unfortunately most times it's not...

That being said, I present to you a follow up from my first "Ten Of My Greatest Instagram Fails" because I obviously didn't learn my lesson.

(Part II)

#1. The "look at me drink coffee."
Cool Tay, you just bought new coffee. Way to tell the world this ground breaking news.
ground, get it? it's like a coffee pun.

2. The "I got dressed today and need everyone to know."
There's snow on the ground. Nice outfit choice, loser.

3. The "I'm at a concert and need to take a blurry photo."
Sorry sucker, no one likes concert photos. Take your brag, elsewhere.

4. The "take a pic of me looking awkward."
Hey girl, skunk called, wants its hair back.
Hey girl, Vienna from the Bachelor called, wants her hair back.
Hey girl, ewww though, really? You wanted a pic of this?

5. The "quick let's take a pic for no reason at all except for the fact I haven't taken a pic in awhile."
I just hope I got that hat back to the baker in time.

#6. The "blogger brag."
Ugh, stop it.

#7. The "subtle fashion blogger."
But not really, put your hand down.

#8. The "fall photo."
This isn't even your house, stop being a creep.

#9. The "I'm wearing shoes today in case anyone was wondering."
Nobody was.

#10. The "coffee mug on a tray."
Just because.

God bless your sweet souls for being nice and tossing some "likes" toward me anyway. I know you're just doing it to be kind and I appreciate that.

Oh Instagram, why can't I quit you?

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Big Plans For My Twenties

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Guys, my birthday is officially one month from today.

I'm old fashioned in that I believe getting older truly is a blessing because not everyone gets to do it, yet I'm also a little superficial and can't help but freak the hell out a bit as well. Let's just say living in a van down by the river isn't exactly where I thought I'd be at this point in my life. Okay, so I'm not technically living in a van (yet) but I'm not living in the life sized Polly Pocket mansion I thought I'd be in by now, either.

I look at that smiling face of the little girl in the photo with her bangs cut way too short and kool-aid stained on her lips and I can't help but feel like I've let her down a bit. Kind of like the idiot who must have made that birthday cake of mine, "Happy Birthday Taylor Four!" Uh, come again? And why is there a Garfield in scuba gear just hanging out? I'm assuming this was a year my mom was pinching pennies and gave cake duty to my older sister. But I digress.

Little-me had such big plans for my twenties and I feel like I'm not living up to my full potential. I'm supposed to have a corner office in a tall building downtown somewhere, wear power suits to work, and say things like "I've got a huge meeting in five minutes with the Zander account, can this wait?" or "No problem, I'll just use petty cash for lunch." Because everything I thought life in my mid twenties would be like was fully inspired by two movies- Working Girl and Don't Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead.

And so per the usual, when faced with a deadline I'm desperately going to try and pull everything together at the last minute. I've got one month to get my life in gear. Here's my plan of attack-

1. Get up earlier. I feel like no one told me that getting up in the morning would never ever ever get any easier.

2. Drink more water. I don't know why, that's just what everyone else is doing so I figure I should follow suit.

3. Write more. More blog posts. More stand up material. More sketches. More chapters in my book. More articles for the site I'm now contributing to called The Whiskey Journal. Just more writing in general.

4. Less Facebook & Instagram life comparing. Everyone I know has bought their first home, well good for them. I'm hoping to buy my first bike this summer. Because I'm a twelve year old.

5. Actively make more positive decisions that will shape my future. I'm not sure what this one means yet, but Tony Robbins said it will make a huge impact on my life so it's worth figuring out.

And this last one is the most important of all.

6. DYE HAIR SUMMER BLONDE. Once I get my platinum thinking cap back on all will be right in the world again.

I've got thirty days to change my life, it's time to make some moves.

*Ps I've also got this ad sale going on if you're interested!

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I Don't Want To Brag But...

Monday, April 14, 2014

Well guys, I had so much fun writing I Don't Want To Brag But... from a couple of weeks ago I figured it was time to write another. Not to mention the fact I am (once again) nailing life as of late. I have to share it with someone, don't hate me cuz you aint me.

I don't want to brag but I made another video. And it's just as life changing as the others have been. You should probably watch it.

I don't want to brag, but today for breakfast I ate peanut butter smeared on a hamburger bun. Because that's just how awesome I am at life right now.

I don't want to brag, but when I take a dirty dish out of the dishwasher nine times out of ten I'm putting it right back in without trying to scrub it first. Just because it didn't get completely clean the first time doesn't mean it won't the seventh time.

I don't want to brag, but today I tried to call Chris, my mom, dad, sister, and brother to tell them some exciting news I just found out and not one of them answered. Literally not one.

I don't want to brag, but right now I have a grey tooth. Life just doesn't get any better.

I don't want to brag, but the most productive part of my day is definitely the two minutes while the microwave is heating something up for me.

I don't want to brag, but last week I was on the bus wearing a baseball cap and a little kid said "excuse me mister." And he was talking to me. As in "Mr. Wolfe."

I don't want to brag, but last night I watched my basketball highlight tape from high school and I teared up.

I don't want to brag, but people on Linkedin keep endorsing me for stuff I didn't even know I was good at.

I don't want to brag, but last night I spent almost an hour getting wrapped up in the lives of famous high school cheerleaders on Instagram. I'm pretty sure I've figured out who's friends with who, and who's dating who. I think I might start writing fan fiction about them.

I don't want to brag, but I'm planning on having an Easter egg hunt this weekend by myself. In the words of Jesus, #YOLT.

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