Want to hear a funny story? Good, I'm going to tell you one.
Exactly six years ago today I was lying on a hospital bed hooked up to EKG cords having all sorts of tests done, while also having my blood drawn at least six times a day. Was I sick? Nope. Just shameless. I was in college and thought it would be "fun" to try out a medical study to earn some quick cash. Yea guys, I'm talking about one of those medical studies you see advertised on TV or hear on the radio. The kind of shit you hear and wonder what kind of creep actually does this stuff? This creep, that's who.
I spent five long days locked in a "hospital" testing out a new drug just because I wanted to go to Europe for spring break. You want to know what kind of people do medical studies? Gross people. I was lucky because my study was specifically for people ages 18-23 who didn't smoke or do illegal drugs so at least my fellow study participants weren't that bad. But let me tell you, there were some real characters in the joint. AKA, the lifers. As in people who just do one medical study after the other after the other and that's their full time "job." I learned real quick the lifers were not the kind of people you wanted to mess with in the rec room or the yard.
Yea, life on the inside for those five days was hard. I slept in my bunk in all of my clothes with one eye open and one hand on the plastic knife I took from the cafeteria. We weren't allowed weapons for obvious reasons. We also weren't allowed our phones (because sexual predators were taking photos of the women one nurse told me the day I checked in.)
"Wouldn't it just be easier to not allow sexual predators in here?" I asked.
And I swear to God she looked at me matter-of-factly and said, "Oh we don't do background checks. We'd lose most of our study participants if we did."
A sane person would have ran the hell back to their cozy little sorority house on the college campus and laughed with all of her prissy friends about what she almost got herself involved with, but not me. I thought, oh yea that makes sense. And I marched inside ready to start my five days of lock up.
Long story short, I survived the five days without a scratch and made some great friends out of the experience. Hello to Starr and Junior if you're reading! I hope everything turned out okay with your legal issues. And as for any weird side effects from the unknown drug I was testing, I haven't had any. Besides the fact I now grow red curly hair on my heels and my eyes roll back in my head every time I hear a bell ring.
I have no idea why I am talking about this right now. I had intended to write a boring old post about how I have so much to do this week and blah blah blah but then I happened to look at the date and couldn't help but chuckle thinking about where I was just six years ago at this time.
So cheers to the week ahead, whatever you might have going on. If you're feeling bogged down just remember things could always be worse, you could be waking up in a bunk bed at an MDS medical study in Lincoln, Nebraska with a woman named "Peaches" sleeping below you in a tie dye Pooh Bear t-shirt.