All Of My Friends Are Having Babies

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Yesterday I got a text from a friend I've know since childhood showing me photos of the beautiful baby boy she just had. I got her text while I was in the middle of dressing up Harlow as the Great Gatsby.


You know, from the scene when Leo is wearing that gorgeous creme sweater and he just looks so chic and nautical as Gatsby? Yeah, that one. Harlow totally nails it.

Anyway, I got my friend's text as I was rolling up Harlow's sleeves and I suddenly thought whoa. WHOA. I may have accidentally let my life get a bit off course... I've become that creepy childless friend who dreams of having a farm of dogs rather than a family of children. Sure it doesn't seem weird now, but give me time. Soon enough all of my friends will have their beautiful families and I'll be "aunt Taylor" who visits at birthday parties and comes covered in dog hair wearing a tie dye shirt with a Wolf on it and gifts homemade dream catchers as birthday presents.

"I made you a dream catcher with your name on it this year! Do you like it? That right there is an illustration of one of my dogs' who I think looks just like you!" And I cackle like a lunatic as I hand the gift over and all of the children run in fear.

Okay I'm getting carried away. But that's a fun visual, right?

For the record I don't think people who choose not to have children are creepy at all. Likewise if you choose to have ten children, that's not creepy either. To each their own Duggar clan. All I'm saying is that all of my friends are pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or on their second child and I'm sitting here googling "tricks to win the lottery" and wondering if I should make another video of impressions of child actors.

It's astonishing (and terrifying) to me that people my age and younger have figured out how to successfully bring a new human into this world. I just tried to bring groceries in and two of my bags ripped and I spilled an entire gallon of milk five feet from my door and I almost broke down and cried. Because now I'm going to have milk ice near my stoop and dogs are going to stop and lick my milk ice and some are going to pee on my milk ice and I'm just going to slip on my milk ice.

So that's where I'm at- struggling with my own life while my peers are creating new life. Always a few steps behind it feels like.

I'm not against having children by any means. I know that someday I'll want kids (for blogging purposes obviously) and also because I'll want to dress that baby in adult style clothing (like business suits and stuff) because the only thing that gives me a chuckle more than animals dressed as humans are babies dressed as adults. Take this time to google babies dressed as adults and you won't be disappointed.

This feels like one of my good old fashioned ramble posts where I have absolutely no way to end it. I sure hope you've enjoyed it, it's been a weird one.

I guess I'll just conclude by saying congrats to all of my friends having babies and making it seem so damn easy. And congrats to all of my friends not having babies and making it seem so damn easy. As long as one of you can still meet me for brunch on the weekends I think we'll be okay in this life.

Is it Friday yet?


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32 comments:

  1. E and I would be completely okay with only having fur-babies. Saves money and sanity. Of course, the karma gods could look upon this comment and bless me with human children that have an above-average amount of body hair. So there's that. Reach out to me in fifteen years and see what my brood looks like.

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  2. I am A okay with having a farm full of doggies. You and Harlow can come play with us.

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  3. That was a very successful rambling post! Love it. If you want one more friend who's having a baby, I'm preggers too!

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  4. The milk ice is great! So sorry it happened to you, but when you start getting the flocks of neighborhood dogs picking your milk ice.. take a pic for me! Haha!

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  5. Supposedly my husband and I are the couple that should be at that point in their life but it still freaks me out that we're old enough to be at that point. Being an aunt is way better at this point in life!

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  6. I will probably be childless. and sometimes I think, what's wrong with me? and other times I think, awesome.

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  7. I'll be the crazy aunt with a farm full of dogs. I want dogs, cats, goats (they eat all your grass, no mowing the lawn!), chickens for the eggs of course, and a teacup pig. You can come visit any time you want! I'm already working on it, as I currently have 4 cats and one spoiled rotten black lab/Chesapeake mix.

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  8. Loved this post! I feel exactly the same way about everybody having babies, when all I want to do is travel and cuddle with my dog!

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  9. Can we start a club for ladies that just want farms filled with dogs?

    Me and my pug are in.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  10. totally in that same situation...except for the milk ice. it sounds delicious but i bet it's not. most things aren't when they get covered with pee. focus on brunch!

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  11. Seriously in tears after reading this! Hilarious!! I feel your pain...just about every girl my age in this small town is popping out a baby. But no rush for me!

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  12. I easily know of 10 people (who are more than just Facebook acquaintances) that are prego right now. Must be something in the water...

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  13. I completely relate. Same story, same situation. A house full of dogs sounds easier to me than teething and potty training... I just after two years got my dogs potty trained (stubborn dachshunds). so if you ever need to chat or hash out these feelings again-I will be right there with you. I do want kids but having them in a responsible and prepared for way is way more important to me. Until then dress up your dog and love the free and lavish life.

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  14. ME TOO. all my friends are engaged, having a kid, or buying a house, and i'm over here, happily in a relationship but with no imminent wedding/baby/house, and it can sometimes turn into a WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE moment. only then i'm all, wait, i'm happy. and that's enough. those Big Adult Things will (or won't) happen when they're supposed to. soooooo, yes times a million to this post. and to farms full of puppies.

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  15. All of my friends are having babies and getting married. lol so i feel ya!

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  16. I've been reading your blog for a while, but I've never commented on anything. When I read this post, though, I knew I had to say something. As many others have said, I can completely relate to this. I just got married a little over a year ago, and I know that we'll probably have kids at some point in the nearish future ... But it's terrifying to think about it. At 30, the majority of my friends have kids (most have at least 2, and one of my closest friends is pregnant with her THIRD) and I definitely feel that pressure to procreate. Most of the time, though, I can't wrap my head around the idea of being completely responsible for another human being. I don't even own a pet because I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of responsibility and commitment! (Oh, and my apartment complex doesn't allow them anyway.)

    The point of this rambling comment: You're not alone!

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    Replies
    1. what happened to that maternal clock thing? Is that what it's called anyway? I don't think I have one :/

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  17. My boyfriend wants kids more than me. I don't think it's supposed to be that way. Oops.

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  18. I still can't believe I've kept a dog alive for a year....and a cat for nearly 5 years...... now a human. not so sure!

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  19. Absolutly nothing wrong with having a house full of animals rather than kids. They dont talk back lol
    Lx
    Http://workingmumy.blogspot.com

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  20. Guuuuuuuurrl. This spoke to me; both the "only childless friend who dresses up her dog" and the random rant.

    I am the only one of my friends still single and childless and not really wanting either right now. I mean, if Chris Hemsworth wanted to knock on my door tonight, I wouldn't tell him no..but I'm there with you. I'm barely able to plan one night to workout (not because I don't really have the time but I just can't neglect my couch), so how can I plan to feed and bathe a human?

    I also don't know how to end this comment other than, I'm with ya.

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  21. I know exactly how you feel! All the babies, and marriages and i'm just over here hanging out by myself looking up recipes for one lol. But in all seriousness, babies dressed up as adults is one of the best google searches a person can do. No disappointment.

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  22. So you're saying you cried over spilled milk?

    I'm almost 38 and don't have kids. I'm not the weird aunt. I'm the awesome aunt because I don't have to split my time with my own kids and I don't have to worry about spoiling anyone. Not having kids turned out to be kind of awesome. Funny since I always wanted at least 4 of my own.

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  23. The jumper is perfect! I'm 33 and get asked if me and my partner will have children often now, I'm undecided but definitely prefer dogs right now! Love the ramble!! http://outbackexpat.com

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  24. I am currently experiencing this as well. It's the worst when you get together for brunch and everybody is talking about breast pumps or something else as weird and I sit there clueless and pipe in comments about celebrities or something just as random when asked to relate.

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