18 Things I Do When I Get My Hair Done

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

There are two places in this world where I feel insecure: Platos Closet and the hair salon. Because I no longer feel like I'm good enough to give clothes to Platos, let's talk about the hair salon today.



1. I walk inside and immediately feel judged by the receptionist.
Am I too late? Too early? Too ugly? Why is she glaring at me? Why does she make me feel like I'm bothering her?

2. I panic when I'm offered a beverage.
Because I'm cheap and I know I'm already going to walk out with a $200 bill and I'm not sure if the "soda or wine" they've offered me is free.

3. I immediately regret not taking that soda or wine when the girl after me accepts it and I realize it is indeed free. Damn it!

4. I wonder if I can go back to devil receptionist girl and say "on second thought, I'll take that soda."
But it's too late. She'll see right through me.

5. When receptionist girl #2 hands me a robe I suddenly act like I've never seen something so crazy before and I don't know how to work something so complex.
"Um it goes on like this," she says as she helps me into it like I am 90 year old woman. And I mumble, "oh yea, that's the, how the ....okay."

6. The minute I sit down in the stylist's chair I suddenly feel the urge to blurt out 100 different excuses why my hair looks so bad.

7. None of them matter. She's going to look at my hair like I've been living in a dumpster and make a comment along the lines of "so like how long has it been since your last cut and color?" anyway.

8. And then she's probably going to make a comment about "whoever did your hair last really cut it unevenly..." I know my hair looks bad, that's why I'm here. No need to shit on the Groupon inspired stylist who came before you.

9. When she asks me what I want done I show her a photo of a beautiful celebrity, usually Reese Whitherspoon or Kate Hudson, and say I'd like to look exactly like her. Good luck.

10. The minute the stylist walks away into her magic closet to get foils and hair dye I try not to look in the mirror. I'm not sure if it's the lighting at salons, or the fact I'm already feeling insecure, but when I look in a salon mirror I see every terrible blemish, line, and dark spot on my face I don't want to see.

11. But I can't resist the urge with a mirror that big and proceed to take a "I'm pretty" selfie anyway.



11. When the stylist comes back she starts to make small talk and I play along. And then when the small talks ends soon after it started, I feel awkward for about the next five minutes wondering if I should try to continue it. I never do. She doesn't either, and I think we're both okay with it.

12. One hour in I start to lose it and I remember why I only get my hair done once (twice if I'm feeling super crazy) per year. I hate sitting for that long. I absolutely hate it. It's not relaxing for me, it's stressful.

13. When I'm told to sit under the dryer I get excited just because I know it's only a matter of time before someone rinses me. Having another person wash your hair is one of life's finer luxuries. Most times I have to restrain myself from actually saying, "Get it, girl. That's right, you know how I like it," out loud...

14. The rinsing feels great until it doesn't. And then my head gets stiff from lying at an awkward angle on a cold porcelain sink and I begin to wonder why I didn't just box color at home. A bleachy orange 'do never hurt anyone.

15. By the time the blow drying and trimming begins I am so ready to leave I have to remind myself I'm not a toddler and I need to settle down. The stylist can give me a bowl cut for all I care. I just want to be done.

16. I try not to look at myself until it's completely finished. I like to save the excitement/disappointment for the very end.

17. And when it's finally done and I get to check out the cut and color, I'm always meh about it. Don't get me wrong, the hair is fine. I'm just usually disappointed my face still looks like mine and not like Reese's or Kate's.

18. I pay my bill, which somehow always turns out more than expected, fret about how much to tip, and walk out thinking I better go have a drink tonight. Because new hair, whether you like it or not, always calls for a drink.

This post has been brought to you by my hair and beauty insecurities!



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43 comments:

  1. bahaha platos closet. yes. I HATE getting my hair done. why does it take forever. twice a year is enough for me. even if y roots are already showing...

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  2. "14. The rinsing feels great until it doesn't. And then my head gets stiff from lying at an awkward angle on a cold porcelain sink and I begin to wonder why..."

    Yes. This every single time. I get so flippin' excited that it's hair wash/rinse time and then they get a little too rough and my neck starts to hurt and I'm sad.

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  3. I am glad I am not the only one with a Miss Judgmental as a receptionist at the salon! ugh that is the worst, let alone all the other women working in there and the unnecessary small talk. It's all too much!

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  4. Literally those exact things go through my mind! I also think I am going to leave the appointment bald when she starts pulling the foils out of my hair before washing it. "That HURTS," I want to shout. But I feel that would make it more awkward. Anyways, glad I'm not the only one that thinks all of those things :)
    http://amypat101ca.blogspot.ca

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  5. There is nothing I like more than having someone else wash my hair. It's the weirdest fetish and I have no shame. Also the moment when Platos rejects your pair of brand spankin new shoes because they're not "designer" enough is the moment when you start to question your life choices.

    cominguprosestheblog.com

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  6. I have an appointment on Saturday and have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm overwhelmed with all the hair choices.

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  7. hahaha I had to laugh about the hair washing. It really is the best feeling ever, until your neck starts to cramp and ache. I can't remember the last time I went to the salon...maybe I should get on that.... lol

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  8. Hahaha, this is too funny because it is ALL SO TRUE. I can relate to every bit of this post! I have an appointment tomorrow.. bring on the awkward 2 hours.

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  9. Love this! And so true! Why is it that no matter how cute I look when I walk into the salon, I immediately feel not so good when I start looking in those mirrors... fail.

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  10. This is SPOT on! Love it! I still feel weird about the "free cokes"!

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  11. Hahaha, its good to know everyone else goes through the exact same awkward moments at the hairdressers!

    www.nicolabhamra.com

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  12. I love #8. :-)
    Last time I got my hair cut, it was done by a student who attends my church, under the tutelage of Xenon Beauty School. Before that, it had literally been about two years since I'd let scissors touch my hair because the bitch at Great Clips ignored me, and overcharged me. When the student did it, she did a nice job, and didn't make me feel like I was wasting her time. Win.

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  13. I was just contemplating getting my haircut this weekend, so this post was just perfectly timed! Im glad Im not the only one who feels out of place at the salon, not to mention glad that Im not the only one who only gets hair cuts 1-2 times per year.

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  14. Ha! This was a very entertaining read! Everyone of those feelings are the feelings I feel every single time I go…really anywhere where people are fussing over me. I generally put more emphasis on stressing about the tip - that usually starts midway through the trim.

    Rae
    Mindful Rambles

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  15. Omg why is #10 so true?! You would think they would put all of their efforts into lighting/mirror illusions so that you feel so gorgeous you then become addicted to the high of the salon chair. Instead I always just sit there feeling like Shrek.

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  16. Your post is too funny! I go to the salon every 4-6 weeks to get my color done and yours looks way better going 2x a year. Damn you! I'm pretty lucky that I have fun at the salon. I've become friends with the girl who does my hair so we luckily don't have awkward chats.

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  17. Haha, yes! This couldn't be more true. It pretty much sums exactly how my last hair visit went! Twice a year, tops, is fine with me.

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  18. I have a friend that's a stylist and she always does my hair. So she knows EXACTLY how long it's been since my last cut and color and I always feel the need to apologize excessively for staying away for so long and leaving my hair such a mess that it will take hours for her to organize it into something resembling decent.

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  19. Yes, yes, and yes! This is so for the blonde girls out there. I always get so awkward and either overshare or make the stylist uncomfortable somehow for a while. And I also have to stop myself from throwing a tanty like a toddler by the end of it! It takes too damn long. Sometimes Ive tried to put headphones in to listen to a podcast but that makes me feel like I'm being too bitchy. Oh the salon!

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  20. I think snapchat was created for me to send pictures of me with foils in my hair.

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  21. hahhaha, this absolutely made my day. I'm a front desk manager at a salon and spa and so many of these are spot on. I always tell my girls to SMILE and BE NICE when people walk in the door, so many people always look so grouchy places I go. People ALWAYS get confused with the robe, you're not alone. Please come ask us for a soda, we would be happy to get a break from real work. Your stylist isn't judging you, unless she really is judgy...and that's not cool. They dont' care about small talk, they are usually talking all day long and enjoy the peace and quiet. You need to come to my salon with the heated massaging shampoo chairs, it's a good time. ;)

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  22. It takes forever getting my hair done, and the small talk is so uncomfortable, times a thousand now that I am living abroad!

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  23. Happy to hear it's not just me that feels like this in a salon. Why are the front desk girls always so grumpy? And why am I turning down a glass of champagne? Even if they did charge for it, would you even notice it on the bill? It's going to be insane anyway. I'm due for a haircut but am obviously avoiding it for as long as possible so I don't have to tell my super cool hair stylist why I can't get the ends to look not like straw.

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  24. I was cracking up laughing at every one of these! This is hilarious.

    Carissa

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  25. HAHA I love this. I have all of these thoughts and then some. I love my color girl, but she charges so much that I can literally only afford to go to her 1-2 times a year. So I let my roots grow out and she gives me the whole spiel, so how long has it been since you've gotten it colored...too long! Also yes yes yes to the small talk thing, why is life so awkward sometimes?!

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  26. haha too funny. I used to go to the hairdress so often and all of these are so true. One question. why the hell do you still have to tip? Maybe its different there but that bill is the bloody tip!

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  27. HA Platos Closet! That place gives me a friggen panic attack. I sometimes have to refrain from telling the girls, " Yes I know I am probably ten years older than you and you're judging me by my teacher clothes I am wearing, but like you, I was once a young svelte teen. Now look at my stuff and don't judge harshly because the shit you're wearing won't be in style next week either. I just want money for my clothes...for alcohol."

    I also HATE getting my hair done...and my sister works for Aveda even. I switch hairstylists all the time because I don't want to get "too friendly" with someone who has my life(hair) in their hands.

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  28. I love this so much haha this is EXACTLY what I go through internally every time I get my hair done. Ugh and this reminded me that I need to make an appointment... smh <3

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  29. LOVED this post, and always feel the same exact way. Don't get me started on what it is like to try a new salon (ah!).

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