Letters To Me

Thursday, April 23, 2015

I'm reading this book for about the third time now. It just gets better and better to me. Allie Brosh is simply wonderful. I just wish she'd post more often on her blog. - says everyone.

And now a post completely inspired by Brosh's letters to her younger self.

Dear three-year-old,

Don't eat the fish hook with the pretty sparkly fake worm on the end. It's not a gummy worm. And I'm pretty sure you know it's not a gummy worm but you're just feeling mischievous and think it could be a fun prank.

It won't be fun for anyone. You'll end up in a veterinarians office in Podunk, Minnesota hopped up on animal pain killers while the vet removes the pierced hook out of your lip.

Dear five-year-old,

Don't be scared to be an actress because you think it entails getting shrunk in size in order to live in a small box (a VHS) while having to act out the movie every time someone presses play. That's not how that works.

Likewise, stop forcing small Play-Doh balls into the holes you see in the phone. The person you are talking to on the other end is not receiving them. Also sorry mom, that's why the kitchen phone always sounded so muffled. It was full of Play-Doh.

Dear six-year-old,

There's no letter in the alphabet known as "mennow."It's actually M, N, then O. This concept is difficult, but work it out. It's three separate letters. You can do this.

Dear ten-year-old,

Stop begging mom to take you to those talent searches you hear about on the radio. You're a little hard on the eyes right now and your talent is a little hard on the talent ... "right now."

Your big break will come... It's called the All City 6th Grade Track Meet. Those 15 other competitors won't even know what hit them! Except they will, because you'll remind them of it often for the next 5 + years in school.

Dear 13-year-old,

Stop shaving your eyebrows. I know having the "prettiest" thinnest eyebrows ever seems very exotic, but your eyebrows are already such a wreck no one can seem them anyway.

On second thought, keep shaving them. Let's see how this one plays out.

Dear 16-year-old,

No, you're not right all of the time. You're pretty much just terrible all of the time.
XOXO- Norfolk, Nebraska.

But go ahead and change your name to Paris Taylor, it sounds super cool.

Dear 27-year-old,

Please stop wasting so much time. It's ticking away faster and faster....You need to start making some moves if you'd like to be somebody someday. You also need to stop googling Lena Dunham and Kendall Jenner all the time. This is not helping your future any.

Forever Yours,
Paris Taylor


  1. haha taylor this is awesome. and why am i wasting time googling the same exact people? damn sparkly fish hooks.

  2. She is too much in the very best way. The letter to herself about eating pepper. I almost peed my pants. So funny. Then the goose in the house. And her illustrations. And her description of depression is so alarmingly spot on. I devoured the book!

  3. Oh my gosh I love Allie Brosh! And these letters are awesome. I google stupid crap too and waste way too much time watching Buzzfeed videos.

  4. Oh man this is, as always, hilarious. I did a letter to my teen self, but my kid self was way more spaztic ha.

  5. Love these! That book is great! Laugh every time!

  6. Does this mean I need to stop googling Taylor Swift all the time too? Ugh.

  7. These are so fun! I really need to read Allie's book. I've been putting it off for no reason whatsoever.

  8. I had never heard of this book before and from the hilarity of your post I get the feeling i'll love that book. Running out the door to buy it now. Also, from someone who has been hooked, I feel your pain.

  9. Love this. I've only read Allie's book once, but I can definitely see myself re-reading it in the future.

  10. Well I guess I'll be adding this book to my reading list. Love these little letters to yourself. You're definitely not hard on the talent these days.

  11. This is awesome! I especially like the movie one where you have to act out the same movie every time someone hits "play" on the VHS. Tee hee!

    Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

  12. this is the best! it sounds like you're giving lots of sage wisdom, especially that glittery worm is not edible (i can distinctly smell that and it won't go away after reading that)!

  13. I feel like the Dear 27 year old one was written for me. Except I'm still being that person and not listening because I literally went into another window and googled about Bruce Jenner. Maybe I'll learn before my next birthday.

  14. Great idea. A few years ago, I got this in reverse, when I had a letter written to my future self that I had written at the end of my tenth-grade year appear in the mailbox. I hadn't forgotten about writing that letter :)