A Thank You Letter To The United Flight Attendant

Friday, May 29, 2015

Dear Flight Attendant from United Flight 6223,

I know you've been getting a bit of flack lately for your decision to remove a crying toddler and his seven months pregnant mother from your flight on Wednesday, but can I just be the first to say thank you?

I've been on a flight with a crying child (my niece! yikes!) and it was just awful. Easily one of the worst experiences of my entire life. If I had to think about all of the terrible things that have ever happened to me in my lifetime, riding on a plane with a screaming child for a few hours is probably number two. Number one is when I had a tumor in my toe in junior high and couldn't play basketball, but a crying baby on a plane is seriously a close second. A bad flight is something that haunts you forever.

You did the right thing by kicking off that child and his pregnant mother. As you noted, it was for the safety of the other passengers. I fear for my life when I board a plane and see a baby. It's just a chilling feeling to know I'm in the air with a creature so small who could lash out at any moment.

If you ask me, babies and pregnant women should be on the No Fly List. No questions asked. If they want to repopulate the earth that's fine, but they better not disrupt anyone else while doing it!

Furthermore, would I be out of line here if I suggested we stop letting old people fly as well?

Often times they fall asleep and their heavy breathing freaks me out. Sometimes they startle themselves awake and then they look around like they have no idea where they are. It's just a bit unsettling.

On the flip side, if they are awake they spend the entire time looking over your shoulder trying to spot swimming pools on the ground. That can't be safe for the passengers around them. What if they accidentally start peeing because they get confused and suddenly think they're in a pool? Like a crying a baby, it's just too much of a risk.

Like you said, it's all about keeping your passengers safe and comfortable.

Speaking of comfortable, have you ever considered kicking off minorities or people with disabilities? Being that I'm a woman, I know I'm technically a minority so I realize I'm kicking myself off here, but hey, occasionally I scream and throw fits so I'm probably a flight risk as well.

And since we're talking about screaming, sometimes intellectually disabled people get upset and start "acting out" too. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Get them off. It would be super annoying to interrupt a "normal" person or cause them to have an uncomfortable flight just because someone else can't calm down.

Because like pregnant mothers traveling alone with toddlers, disabled people have it way too easy in this life to be causing anyone else trouble for a few minutes. Am I right? Or am I right? If there's a bone to throw, these people don't need it!

Lastly, let's kick off the pilot too. It makes me uncomfortable when he says "good morning, passengers" when it's clearly the afternoon.

Thank you for being a wonderfully empathetic flight attendant and understanding that in no way did I take my above requests too far. I didn't go too far, just like you didn't go too far.

Girl Who Wants A Blanket Because Like My Feet Are Cold


  1. I really love your writing. And I'm a little bit jealous of it. For a while there I was like "she has got to be kidding!? Right?"

  2. Amen Tay! Amen!!!


  3. Ha, yes! I have been the mom with the crying baby, and it is by far the WORST to be the one that everyone hates and gives death stares to. Because I love listening to babies cry, too, and clearly wanted to be the one trying to console a crying child while trapped in a flying tin can with no way to escape, RIGHT?! ;)

  4. Please tell me you're kidding?

  5. Totally agreed. And why even stop there. Anyone who's taller than the seat, who could block my view of the in-flight movie or checking out when the refreshments are coming down the aisle, totally inconvenient. Kick them off.

    The kid next to me with headphones that I can hear because they're too loud? Kick them off. But leave the headphones, those look nice and expensive. I'll keep them safe.

  6. This entire situation has me eyerolling so hard. Clearly the FA is on a power trip, but ultimately she can't turn a taxiing plane around to let someone off, that's the Captain's call. If anything, he's more to blame because he made the ultimate decision (but they're both wrong).

  7. This is so good it hurts. With an upcoming 20 hour flight I'm eyerolling and slightly nodding my head... But not to the point to kick them off the flight! Jesus!

  8. I enjoyed your snarky take on the dismissal of mother and baby from the plane, as well as the extension.

    However, two of the recent dismissals have hit closer to home for me.

    The situation of the autistic girl and her family that got kicked off the plane was troublesome, but then again, because I don't know the family, I don't know how much of the story is sensationalized.

    And yesterday, Tahera Ahmad (one of the chaplains at Northwestern) suffered alleged Islamophobic discrimination on the plane, followed by a racist, curse-word laden tirade by another passenger. Because I know Tahera (at least a little bit), that story does not appear to be sensationalism.

  9. Ha, ha! Too funny! You made me giggle on this Monday morning, thank you! :)

    Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

  10. Hahahaha I love this. Made my monday so much better, thanks!

    Rachel | A Little Grey

  11. A-freaking-men!

    That flight attendant should be fired. (Can people be fired for being stupid?)

  12. bahaha! is it really sad that I hadn't heard of this (living under a rock here) but seriously?? wow. I thank god she made the right decision. babies on planes is the issue, america.

  13. Wooooooooooooooooooow! At first reading this I must say I was like what the frack is she getting at here? But it all tied perfectly! What was she thinking?!?!

  14. Hahaha that is nuts. There was a crying baby on my flight the other day. I actually heard someone complaining about how a mother should know how to keep her baby quiet on a plane. I was just waiting for her to say something like, "I bet she doesn't breastfeed because babies who are breastfed don't cry on planes!"