The Robbery

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Dog walks into a park.

He says, "hey mind if I go for a quick run?"

Sure, Harlow. Go ahead. But stay close, okay?

Of course, he says with a wink.

He takes off like a maniac. Such is the usual, so I'm not worried.

Three seconds later he returns with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Crusts cut off.

Hey Harlow, I don't recall packing you a lunch. Where'd you get that?

From my friend. He says with a smile.

Your friends don't bring sandwiches to the park. WHERE'D you get it? 

This one did. 

Harlow, drop it! (He doesn't "get" drop it. Never has.)

He swallows the last of the sandwich with zero remorse.

Sonofa... tell me right now where you found that. I look around nervously, it's a situation to which I'm all too familiar.

I don't remember. A crying toddler can be heard in the background.

Does that crying kid have anything to do with this?


Damn it, Harlow.

The kid keeps crying. Now the mom is looking around, wondering what hoodlum just stole her child's lunch. And Harlow is laying in the sunshine with jelly on his nose, still happily licking the peanut butter stuck to his mouth.

Because I'm an adult, I know what I have to do. WE RUN.

It's Lincoln Park, the kid can afford another sandwich.

But I can't. I'm not paying for yet another meal Harlow stole. Last week at the dog beach he ate a man's Chinese food and I had to pay him $20 to get him to calm down. I know what you're thinking, who brings Chinese food to a dog beach?

It wasn't Harlow's fault... Nothing is ever Harlow's fault. Nothing.


  1. HAHAHAHAHA! So funny!! Love Harlow...:) Too cool to be ruled...:)

  2. OMG. Too funny! How mortifying for you, though! Especially with Chinese Food Guy.

  3. Harlow stories are the best stories!

  4. Haha Harlow is such a character. Really though, Chinese food at a dog beach? Bringing any kind of food to a dog beach is just asking for trouble.

  5. Seriously? The #1 rule of any dog park/beach/facility is to NOT bring food. Eejits. He's lucky the food got stolen because he could have been held liable if a dog fight broke out because of the food.

  6. Hah! Harlow is not the only canine thief. My in-laws have an indomitable rascal... one time he ate an entire box of expensive French chocolate truffles from Paris that my mother-in-law bought for me. I was livid, partly because the chocolate didn't kill him (p.s. I like dogs). Pretty sure he was lying out in the sun just like Harlow, licking his chocolate-covered nose...

  7. hahaha this is the best. I mean, he earned it.

  8. Hahaha so funny! Harlow looks so proud. My dog probably would have done the same. We taught her how to take things nicely, so now she thinks she can take anything she wants as long as she does it gently lol She once very delicately removed a bag of deli meat from someone's pocket. They didn't care though since they brought it to the park for the dogs. Thank goodness because that stuff is expensive!

  9. I've totally had Chinese food at the beach.

  10. So funny! Finally, someone who understands. Nothing is my Gus' fault either. Go Harlow!

  11. I love this dog! My dog decided to run inside of the neighbors house across the street and get really acquainted. And this wasn't his first time doing something like that.

  12. Hilarious! and thanks for putting a toddler mom into perspective of how something like this could happen to a perfectly respectable dog owner!

  13. Oh my gosh that is both funny and SO embarrassing. I would totally run away too!

    P.S. My friends and I are giving away $170 in CASH! Have you entered yet? If not, come check it out

  14. It's a good thing Harlow is cute huh? I laughed so hard when I saw this on Instagram!

  15. Hahaha, I could totally see one of my two dogs doing this.

  16. I've taken Chinese food to the movies, but not to the beach. That's weird.

    Oh, Harlow! Stinkin little thief! That is pretty funny, though!

  17. Harlow is boss! I'm sure he felt totally in the right for that. If the kid didn't eat it fast enough, their loss right?

  18. What a little thief.........................

  19. hahahahaha Hilarious! I love that your response was to run--I would have done the same!
    And I'm with you--who thinks Chinese on ANY beach (let alone a dog beach) is a good idea?

  20. This is hilarious but yes who brings food to a dog beach?!

  21. One time our dog stole a mitten right off the hand of a 2 year old in our neighborhood. Needless to say, we never became friends with those people.

  22. Oh my gosh, Harlow! Ha, ha!

    & yea, who the Hell brings Chinese food anywhere besides the restaurant or their living room couch?! What a weirdo! :\

    Mandie ~