So yesterday I did something I've never done before.
I was walking down the street on my way to get coffee when I happened to pass an intimate little "psychic spiritual" shop. I see these all over, I'm sure if you live in a city you do too. But for some reason yesterday I walked inside.
A strong smell on incense hit me immediately and I was blinded by crystals reflecting light. Metaphorically and also literally, it hurt my eyes.
I quickly saw the front room is the only room. I walked right into the psychic area, if you will. And the woman commanding me to sit down was at a desk, with a (and I kid you not) beautiful crystal ball by her side. She had long dark hair, dark eyes, and silver hoops that I would have murdered for in middle school.
I had two choices at this point. I could run because psychics kind of scare me since I've seen the movie Now and Then. Or I could stay. I'm all about new life experiences. So I sat down.
I felt like I was on a first date because as I introduced myself I felt the need to say "I've never done anything like this before." And I giggled and turned red like I was doing something wrong.
She handed me a deck of tarot cards and told me to shuffle. Again, I wanted to run. Tarot cards are the devil's work! Or at least that's what I heard my mom shouting in my head. And in this version my mom is Kathy Bates from Waterboy.
But I stayed. And I shuffled.
As I flipped the cards over Towanda's eyes lit up. (*I'm going to call the psychic Towanda, as in Kathy Bate's alter ego from Fried Green Tomatoes because I'm obviously on a KB kick right now.)
I set the cards down one by one and Towanda stared right at me. Or rather right through me? But I stared back, unwilling to look away. If she wanted to read me, well then I was going to read her as well.
And then she started telling my future.
"I see a lot of success around you. In this life and in your past."
Yes! I knew it.
"But you're not quite where you want to be yet, but you're going to get there."
Okay. The giveaway for that might be the fact I'm currently at a psychic at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday wearing cut off jean shorts.... But carry on.
"Tell me about your most recent relationship."
And then I picked my hands up from under the table and said, I'm currently engaged, proudly showing my ring like I've been taught to do in the past six months.
"Yes. And this man is a Cancer?"
Second try. Not bad. I'll give it to her.
"And you're going to marry him."
HOW DID SHE KNOW? Was it the ring? Did the ring give it away? Or the fact I said I'm engaged.
"He is your soul mate."
Oh thank God. I was nervous I was going to have to break it off with Chris if this woman I just met told me he wasn't.
"I see a lot of traveling in your future. But your home will always be Chicago. And I'm seeing other properties as well. You will own a few houses in other places. And you'll always have a place by water."
I always knew the game MASH was real. I KNEW IT. Now just tell me I'll write movies some day and I'll be on my way.
"I can see you're an artist. And you love words. You will do your life's work. I can feel it."
Yes. Okay. Keep it coming, Towanda.
"But don't bring another animal into your home right now. I know you want to."
And this is where she lost me. Because yes, I've had puppy fever lately.
"It will upset the current animal energy you have going on. This animal has a strong pull on you, no?"
Damn it, Harlow! His vibes run so strong Towanda could feel them even six blocks from our house.
She then went on to tell me I have an intense animal spirit and can communicate with them unlike other people. Um hells yes.
And then out of nowhere Towanda told me my recently deceased grandma Grace was in the room too. Grandma Grace passed away last year after she lived to be 101. She and I shared the same birthday. Grace found out she was adopted after going to a psychic as a teenager.
But Towanda knew all of this. I didn't even bother asking if I was adopted. If you've seen my dad's forehead you'd know why. There's no denying the Wolfe fivehead gene. It runs strong.
She also told me I will win awards in my future.
I'm going to be very happy and will help and inspire others.
I'll have two kids. They'll be hippy spirits who want to save the world.
I wanted to hear more about my future liberal children, but Towanda got slightly distracted a few times when she interrupted our session to answer her phone. I can only assume it was my grandma calling.
But basically she said everything else I prompted her to say and I wanted to hear. So really my future is looking good. Towanda said I'll be set in less than four years. So now I just have to sit back, talk to dogs, and watch it all unfold.
Sounds good to me.
I don't discredit what psychics do. I think some people truly have special ways of reading other people, however I think this comes more from recognizing energy and less from tarot cards. But to each their own.
And for only $95 I can go back and Towanda will take all of my bad energy away! Now that's a bargain.
Would I go back? Maybe. Towanda was sweet. And a good listener. It's all about life experiences. Feed your soul.
Have you ever done something like this? I'd love to hear your story if you have one.
*disclaimer: psychic is a HARD word. Per the usual, any errors are 100% my computer's fault.