The Annoying Kid At The Park

Monday, July 20, 2015

Do you guys remember that annoying kid from childhood who just didn't understand social norms for kids? He was obnoxious and annoying and upon first meeting people would proudly state something like "my parents say I'm precocious" like it was a good thing. He was usually an only child (just being honest here) and for some reason he just couldn't quite fit in with everyone else.

The "rules of playground" were lost on him. He tattled too often, didn't know when to stop talking, and hung around the adults way too much. And from what I remember of this kid, he always had the best toys he liked to show off, yet he never shared them. I'll just say it, he was a child asshole.

I always wondered what kind of parents raised kids like this. Until it dawned on me the other day at the dog park, I was one of them.


We go to the dog park almost every single day, but the only dog Harlow chases and plays with is me, and his best friend "Stick."

He is an outsider. He's that annoying kid the others don't want to be around. It's a hard truth to face, but there was no denying it the other day when we got to the park and the pack of "cool dogs" (Hank the Huskey, Emma the lab and Rex the Pit) were all running hot laps and Harlow tried to join in for a second and they immediately stopped in their tracks and looked at him like, "you serious, bro?"

And then when they picked up stride again he just proceeded to follow them barking at the top of his lungs. But he wasn't barking like a dog, it was more like a toddler screaming "hey! wait for me! hey! wait up." The bark wasn't aimed at the dogs, he was barking at the humans like the tattletale he is. It was painfully obvious. I call it his "left out bark."

The worst part is the cool dogs (they're regulars so that's why I know their names) occasionally let a Weiner dog named Larry run in their pack, and yet they don't let Harlow. That's a hard one to stomach, for both of us. No offense to Weiners or anything...

But the thing is Harlow has earned this title of being an outsider. He's a notorious toy stealer, but only when someone else wants the toy. But God forbid anyone borrow a toy Harlow's brought (we stopped bringing toys years ago because of this.) And the worst part is he's a humper. When he gets a crush we have to leave immediately because Harlow doesn't understand that NO means NO. He's very persistent and does not respect the bitches. Or the male dogs. And nobody likes an unwanted hump.

But the weirdest part is that Harlow doesn't actually know how to hump. He basically just stands next to a dog, lays his head on their back, and starts moving his hips in the air like he's at his first middle school dance. After the dog runs away he's typically still there just "dancing" by himself. Like I said, he's earned his title.

But for the most part, Harlow's the dog hanging out with the humans. While all of the other dogs are rolling in dirt or eating grass Harlow is usually standing in the middle of a group of people (getting a butt scratch of course) all while charming the group with a new joke he heard or saying something cute like "my parents say I'm precocious."


I don't know where I went wrong. Did I coddle him too much as a child... I wonder as he's currently sitting on my lap while I write this post... wrapped in a blanket. Does anyone else's dog act like this?

I'm going to reflect on this today. But right now Harlow is slapping my arm reminding me it's time for his warm breakfast. I don't want to keep him waiting.

23 comments:

  1. Our dog can also be totally bratty. Until people got super bitchy about dogs being off the leash, we used to let the dogs run around in an open space in our neighborhood. Millie was fine, until tennis balls were involved. Then she would try to steal ALL of them--she would literally have one in her mouth, then lay down and throw her paws across any others. She also hated it when dogs were faster than she was. Typically, she could run the fastest, but her buddies Mac and Stanley were usually faster. She couldn't stand it, and would chase after them barking/whining. Regardless, we still love her and think she's the best.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My dog is the same way! He's a little chihuahua that we rescued from a shelter and we're still working on some of his anxiety but he goes absolutely NUTS around bigger dogs. It's embarrassing and I always have to be worried that he'll get out of control

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my god...I love this post. I nearly spit out my coffee picturing Harlow humping...and then of course I'm familiar with how vizslas love people and prefer to get their butts scratched than make friends. Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  4. My dog wears a bow tie in public because I figure if I dress him like a gentleman, people may forget that he's actually a brat. He's 6lbs, but Scrappy Doo ain't got nothing on him if he isn't getting his way.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is literally the funniest thing I have ever read! I am a new follower and I never comment on blogs, but this is amazing lol! I have tears in my eyes and I'm sitting at my desk at work, trying to stifle my cackling!!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have a strong feeling that Harlow and Millie would get along well. Millie is a little outcast because she's so pretty. she can't help it that she's so pretty, ya know?

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is so awesome, and I so relate. My Yorkie is like this with his brothers, a 30 pound Dachshund mix and a 60 pound German Shepherd mix. He pretty much thinks he's boss and will NOT allow them to play with his toys (AKA tattered socks), gets kind of pissy when they're cuddling with us, and is just a general brat. It may have something to do with the fact that he gets carried around and held pretty much constantly and is spoiled rotten.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I have this same problem!! We have a blue nose pit mix that literally has no social skills at all. She's slightly awkward, scared of everything, and is so rough playing with new dogs they get scared of her. She is however gorgeous and loves people so I wouldn't trade her for the world lol. I just don't know why she's such a crazy girl!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dart is the exact same way at dog parks! We take him to daycare a couple of days a week and apparently he plays with the other dogs just fine, but when we're with him at a dog park he wants nothing to do with other dogs. I think that he wants to make sure we don't leave him.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My dog goes to the dog park to hang out with the other people, not the dogs. He'll sniff a couple butts and then he beelines for their owners. It always makes me wonder why we bother to go, but I guess I feel like I "should" whether or not he actually uses the space to run or do things with other dogs.

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is hilarious. My dog acts like a little whore at the dog parks. She teases all the other dogs to get them to chase after her, and once she's accomplished that she lays down and rolls to her back with her legs sprawled out letting them get all up in her business.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Haha poor Harlow! He just wants to run, play with others toys and hump! Is that so much to ask!? Our dog refuses to play with other dogs! She's more like the prissy girl... She's great with the humans, really lovable but quite rude with other dogs! We often wonder what we did wrong... We didn't socialize her enough, I know it. But she seems pretty happy with the humans. So it's all good.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ha Colby Jack is the weird butt sniffer at the park and he doesn't get the signal when the dog is annoyed. He's quite persistent and doesn't realize that he's embarrassing me.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh my gosh, that's hilarious! Oh, Harlow. Tee hee!

    Mandie ~ http://badbrewpack.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  15. Haha! This sounds like my dogs! They're such loners. We don't have a dog park near us since we moved, but my dog would just run around the outside and smell the trees. Never played with other dogs. He would be so embarrassing! I feel your pain.

    Mandie from www.yellowdogpinkpig.com

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh my gosh, this is hilarious! And it totally sounds like my mom's dogs.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Awwwww, poor Harlow!

    ~Ashley @ A Cute Angle
    acutelifestyle.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. I don't have a dog, but this seriously had me laughing out loud. Damn. Why can't my asshole cat be hilarious like your Harlow? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. My dog Wesley is the exact same way at the dog beach. He's a 35 pound cocker spaniel mix and always goes up to the biggest dog and humps him...on the side...just like you're describing. He then trolls for food, pees on people's things (like backpacks) and then rolls around on the sand just barely in the water. He's a dog child that needs constant supervision.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dogs ar invariably one in every of the primary animals to think about once there's the requirement for a pet and youngsters ar over and over the explanation for them. there's nothing to a toddler than to listen to that he or she is obtaining a puppy. See more on here http://dogsaholic.com/breeds/worst-dogs-for-kids.html

    ReplyDelete