In Response To Brian The Foot Man

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

As a blogger, I get a lot of cool opportunities sent my way. Sometimes I get to try out new chapstick, other times I get to try new cleaning products (before ANYONE else!) and sometimes I get free flavored water. So while I'm not trying to sound boastful, the life of a blogger is pretty cushy.

But I think my greatest opportunity came in the form of a Facebook message sent to my blog page just a few days ago from a guy calling himself "Brian the Foot Man."

The message looked like this.

It's hard to read, so I'll repost a bit:

"Good morning. This might be the most odd thing that you have been messaged but I swear that it is true and I am legit. I am Brian the foot man and I pay adult women $50 to email me pics of their feet. I have been doing this for over 8 years and paid 2000+ different women, some as many as 20 times. 

The reason that I do this rather than just Google pics is because I like to help out women who can use a little extra cash. I have my own Facebook group of 570+ women and I am the only man. I can add you to it if you want to look around. 

I go to pages and groups and ask if they would share my offer with their fans so that I can pay their fans that are interested. You would be surprised on how many women love what I do and this offer. $50 may not be much to me or maybe even you but there are way too many that are struggling right now. It could be a tank of gas, maybe groceries or even a bill."

Digest that for a second.

Now let me tell you something about me that you don't know. I have feet that look like they've been beat with a hammer and then chewed on by a lawn mower. I've had broken toes, nails that fell off during my basketball career at USC, stress fractures in every foot bone, and broken ankles two times over.

Oh, and there was also that one massive tumor that grew in my hammer head toe for two years until it became so big I couldn't fit shoes on anymore and thought maybe just maybe it wasn't just an ingrown toenail like the school trainer originally thought.

So no, this isn't just about the generous $50 offer. Oh no, it's about so much more than that.

This is about a young girl who kept her feet hidden away in the dark cellars of sneakers and boots her entire life in fear of what "normal footed society" might think if they ever caught glance of her mangled old talons.

This is about a teenager who wore water shoes to the swimming pool "ironically." She pretended it was a joke, but there was no laughter involved.

This is about the college girl who wore socks to shower in her sorority house because she knew if her house mom ever saw her Sloth toes she'd fall on the ground laughing and start shouting "BABY RUTH" while throwing candy bars at her face.

This is the tale of the adult woman who might finally have the chance to put her BoxTrolls in the spotlight and become an actual.. foot model? Little old me? I blush at the thought, but it might finally be my time.

And to have such an offer from a nice gentlemen, no less. He said it himself, he likes to help out women who need a little extra cash.

Well, how about that? Brian wants to help me pay bills or buy a tank of gas.

But I've got bigger plans.

With that $50 I would go to Claires Jewelry store in Norfolk, Nebraska and buy every toe ring they have! And then I'd buy ankle bracelets. And henna feet tattoos. If my feet are coming out, well then damn it, I'm going to do this right.

This is my Cinderella story.

I never thought the glass slipper would fit. But according to Brian, that doesn't matter. My feet are photograph worthy on their own.

Boom. Drops mic. On foot.