Hello From the Future

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

I'm trying to keep her at bay, but airport Taylor (aka Theresa) is already creeping up on me.

I've told her to chill out time and time again. My flight isn't until 7:30 tomorrow morning.

But she's creeping.

She's already moved up my tax pickup three times.

Maybe getting to the airport two hours early isn't enough? You never know. 

There could be a crazy accident. What if it's raining? Or there's ice? It's getting chilly here. 

Maybe a sinkhole? What if your cab fell into a sinkhole? YOU JUST DON'T KNOW. 

Remember that time you missed your flight back in '96 when your entire family flew to Arizona for Thanksgiving? Remember how awful that was? You were only 8 but my God were you stressed.

That's Theresa talking. She has this weird jersey accent I should mention.

Hopefully by the time you're reading this I will be on my flight to New York, cozy in my seat with a Bloody Mary just to shut Theresa up.

*On a sidenote, would it be weird if I brought my own garnishes for my in-flight Bloody? Nothing to crazy, just a little something to spice it up. Like a pickle. And a celery stick. Maybe a piece of cheese. And beef jerky. A shrimp skewer. Some olives. Just the basics.

Anyway, as of now my agenda for New York looks like this:


Find brunch.

Walk around alone. Daydream about living in New York. Find a coffeeshop. Work on some jokes.

Meet up with parents. Late afternoon lunch and beers.

Get ready for show. Try not to throw up before show. Head to Broadway Comedy Club.

KILL IT. duh. dinner. drink. sleep.


Repeat everything I just said.

There will also be stops at: McSorleys. The Comedy Cellar. UCB. Jack's Wife Freda. Somewhere super cool and hip in Brooklyn that will remind me how totally lame I am. And the Husker bar on Saturday. Because if there's one thing my dad loves, it's leaving Nebraska and then finding a bar wherever he is... full of Nebraska people.

Anywhere else I have to go? Let me know. Also, I will be snapping the hell out of this trip. Follow @thedailytay.

New York, I'm headed your way. Please don't eat me alive.


  1. Good morning! I hope you are now safely on your way to NYC. I like to get to airports super early so that the worst thing that could happen is that I have to chill at the gate for an hour and read a book.

    Break a leg at your show tonight! You'll kill it. Own New York.

  2. Good luck in NYC! Maybe Theresa will give you a few good stories for future routines! Or your added garnishes will appease her crazy just enough ;)

  3. SO EXCITED to see this show tonight! I'll be the one in the back with the whooping donkey laugh.

  4. There is absolutely nothing wrong with bringing your own garnishes, although I would be worried about a skewer... You never know what TSA might think. Have fun, can't wait to read about your trip!

  5. I love that you have named the airport version of yourself! That's hilarious! Good luck at your shows!

  6. I've never been to NY... I KNOW. I'm so jealous. tell Theresa to can it and I hope you kill it!

  7. You mean you didn't bring a chicken finger for your Bloody Mary?!?! I mean everyone knows you need a little protein with all that tomatoe-y goodness ;) I'm a little worried about Theresa.....I'm typing this comment and now she is in Georgia telling me I need to book the car to the aiport ( FIVE DAMN WEEKS IN ADVANCE ).

  8. If you're going to the Comedy Cellar, go to the Olive Tree cafe upstairs. Really good guacamole and pina coladas. You might even see some of the comedians from the club eating or having a drink!

    I think I've mentioned this place before in the comments but I figured since you'll be right there it was worth mentioning again!

  9. Have fun in NYC! I know you're going to absolutely kill it!

  10. Have a fantastic time at your shows! And thank goodness I'm not the only one who thinks that the more there is in a Bloody Mary, the better. I also feel this way about hamburgers, hot dogs, subs, etc...they are basically the vessel for which the condiments are to be eaten. :D

  11. The closer it gets to the time one needs to take a flight anywhere the more one gets antsy and wants the time to arrive or is that just me and Tim, anyway I hope you have a great time in good old NYC

  12. You're gonna kill it, girlfriend!

    Also, bribe Theresa to shut up by telling her about the amazing garnishes you're bringing along for your Bloody Mary. Maybe that'll ease her up.

  13. Get it girl!!

    Her Heartland Soul

  14. …and NYC is excited to have you! All the best with the show.
    PS. Best place to daydream - walk on the Upper West Side streets: Central Park West anywhere north of 59th street, or take the cross streets from CPW to Amsterdam around 90th street.
    I'm going to follow your Twitter and Instagram now so I can keep up.
    I hope you'll give me a follow too.

  15. have fun girllll
    XO Ellen from Ask Away

  16. Knock em dead! And have a great time!