New Year. New You?

Monday, January 4, 2016

I feel like a fraud today.

After yesterday's post of LOOK AT ME DO ALL THE THINGS, I expected to wake up and do all the things. That's how it works, right? I simply say I'm going to be a new person and then I magically am.

But I'm not. The same old thoughts are still swimming around. I try to ignore them and listen to my own words of advice I so proudly let loose yesterday. But it's just not that simple.

So here's what's going on, after being pretty overwhelmed with managing nebrowse and packing t-shirts all day long the past few months, I made the decision to let go of three of my biggest social media clients so I could go into 2016 working 100% for myself.

So today is the first official day I'm completely self employed. Which is great. But it also means I'm completely self employed. It needed to be done. And I know I can do it. But that doesn't stop it from being scarier than shit. For me, anyway.

Today actually started off pretty good. I woke up early. I was productive. I ate healthy. I took Harlow on 100 walks. But then somewhere in between 1 p.m. and 3 p.m. I started to slip.

The downfall probably began on Instagram. It usually does. I hate how I let that app get to me. I feel like an insecure teenager and it's my own sad pitiful fault, I know. But that only makes it all the worse. A lot of times I find myself thinking that if my entire business didn't revolve around social media I would get off it all together. I can talk all the fancy shit I want about not comparing myself to others, but the fact of the matter is that I really struggle with this. And the fun thing is I don't just choose one area to taunt myself.

I like to cover them all.

And today I went to town. I looked up comedians, bloggers, t-shirt people, writers, animal helpers, you name it and I found someone doing everything I'm trying to do. The difference is they're just doing it better. And with more ease it seems.

My to-do list just sat in front of my face as I refused to do anything because I just kept feeling lower and lower. And I really didn't even know why? It's like once I decided to have a case of the sads I had to let it just completely overwhelm me before it would pass.

And then I like to finish my shame cycle by reminding myself how good I actually have it. That it's ridiculous I even allow self loathing to take over my day, like it has for the past few hours. How do I even get sad when I know in reality I have nothing to complain about? In the big scheme of things, I have it so good. Most of us who have access to the internet and time in our day to read a blog post do.

But when you're feeling blue, shaming yourself for having these feelings doesn't help any either.

It just pushes you further down.

And then the next thing you know it's 5:00 p.m. and you're writing a blog post about life that should have been written hours ago but you just couldn't muster the motivation because you were too busy moping about life... Oddly enough I feel 100 x better just writing this. I don't know why I deny myself writing time when it always makes me feel so much lighter and okay about things.

Can you tell I've been in my head too much lately. CAN YOU?

Man, if I got any new readers from yesterday's post expecting me to be a motivational blogger I sure let you down today.

Don't worry. I'll be back to normal tomorrow. I consider myself very lucky because my sads only last about a day or two. I pull myself out real quick. Harlow makes me.

I'll make things more comical in my next post. I'm thinking something very ridiculous yet informative like "10 Pics To Take On Instagram in 2016 To Get At Least 50 Likes!" Yay? Or YAY?

I'll end on this, if you're feeling the January sads, you're not alone. Must be something in the water right now.


  1. Yep, I'm feeling it too... damn sads... and YAY for your post idea. :-)

  2. Yay for your post idea! The January sads are strong here - I've been sick since Christmas and battling my health plan to see a doctor. Ugh. COngrats on self-employment!!

  3. I hate, hate, hate the comparison game. It's stupid. I'm glad your day has already started turning around! You're an inspiration. :)

  4. The first Monday of the new year is hard as hell, whether you're heading back to an office or taking a leap and finding the motivation to successfully work for yourself. Props for just telling it like it is on a day like today.

  5. Congrats on the self-employment, you talented thing! I so respect everything you've been up to and I can't wait to see what this year brings for you. You're a legit inspiration to so many, myself included, so keep. it. up!

  6. I think you can definitely do it. i think you ARE taking your goals into action, in more ways than one. I BELIEVE IN YOU!

  7. I totally get those feels. All of them. I wish I could take a break from social media, but it's like blogger suicide to do that. And I wish that I could step back from the self-comparison, but it's impossible when you see other bloggers that are killing it meanwhile you're over here like "merp?" For instance: How do you write a post at 5pm about being sad and still make it interesting to read without being pathetic? How? HOW. Teach me your ways. You go Glenn Coco

  8. Ugh. That damned Instagram! Just when I'm feeling like I took two steps in the direction of my goals, Instagram goes and pushes me down the whole flight of stairs. We just gotta keep on keeping on. But, like you said, trying to stop comparing yourself to others is easier said than done and I'm totally with you.

  9. I have this printed in a banner above my desk: Commitment is doing the thing you said you'd do, long after the feeling you said it in has left you.

    You can do this.

  10. The January Sads....I get You! I totally get you!

    Can't wait to read your post for tomorrow!

    -Ashlee Michelle

  11. Social media gives us access to so many more things and people that anyone use to even think existed. It's amazing yet harmful all in the same. So many different ways to see things you want or see people doing what you want. The funny thing is that people might be looking at your instagram thinking the same thing. Double edged swords are the pits I tell ya.

  12. I think that EVERYONE has a letdown right after the new year, due to getting back to the "usual" routine.

  13. You can totally chase away the January blues by making a trip to Amsterdam! Really though, falling into the social media comparison pit is the worst so just a reminder -- you're freakin' awesome! x

  14. I love your blog girl. keep doin what you do!
    XO Ellen from Ask Away

  15. Totally with you. I have all these big plans and ideas in my head and now I'm all okay what do I do next? How do these people do it?!

  16. So many plans and ideas its quite overwhelming. Think big start small!! I say YAY to the post!

    Check out my little slice of the interweb (new blogger alert) -

  17. Sorry you're having a downs day. It sucks when we allow other people's successes to discourage us. My Dad use to tell me that the only thing holding me back is me. That I can do so many things but I don't THINK I can, so I won't. Easier said than done to just 'stop comparing ourselves'! but it would be nice, wouldn't it?

    P.S. I think you're doing an awesome job - doing what you love while giving back. So great!

  18. Oh man, I do the same! I like to see what successful people in my field are up to, half for curiosity sake, the other half so I can get an idea as to how I can get there myself, but I ended up digging myself deep into a hole. It's so easy to get down there and it's so easy to stay down there. Thankfully, I'm like you where I tend to bounce back really quickly! You can do it!

    PS: looking forward to that instagram post lol

  19. Before I started my new job I had a case of the sads that were completely overwhelming too. I would TALK myself into bad moods.. it was awful and tiring. But once I realized what I was doing I was able to stop it. Sometimes you just need to say it out loud and get it off your chest

  20. "And today I went to town. I looked up comedians, bloggers, t-shirt people, writers, animal helpers, you name it and I found someone doing everything I'm trying to do. The difference is they're just doing it better. And with more ease it seems."
    Re-read that. With more ease it seems. Social media makes it easy to give the appearance that you are rocking out. What's really going on behind the scenes? Outside of the lens? It's okay to be down and look for inspiration, but don't let it drag you down further. They are only showing you one thing, are you getting the whole story?