10 Things To Know About The New Bachelorette!

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

So the world found out who the new Bachelorette will be! I do not watch the show so it means literally nothing to me, however an email from US Weekly popped up in my inbox so I clicked on it. "10 Things To Know About the New Bachelorette!"

And then I thought, what if this was you that was appearing in email inboxes all over the world today? Or me? (If I was single and looking to find love on a TV show, I am neither.) But ... what would you want the world to know about you?

Might as well have some fun with it!

Meet the new Bachelorette: Taylor! 10 Things You Have to Know!

1. She does not like physical contact with people she does not know, or has just met.
So it should be lots of fun to watch the guys get out of the limo and try to hug her! Chances are you'll see her physically cringe and step further and further away.

2. Speaking of the first introduction, this might be a challenging moment for her. 
She does not care for romantic gestures, cheesy pick up lines, overly nice guys, guys who are mean, and holy shit do not try to be funny. Unless you are funny! Funny is great. But trying too hard to be funny when you're just not will most likely have you sent home on the spot. But she's a real treat, honestly!

3. She loves dogs!
Like to the point where it's kind of a little much, you know? She should definitely take it down a notch, but it's only getting worse. So ... if you are not completely obsessed with dogs and are not willing to talk about dogs all the time, this probably won't work. *sidenote: wouldn't this show be more fun if there were more dogs on it?

4. She is terrible with names. She must know you and consistently interact with you for at least six months until she is totally confident she knows your name. Even then she'll probably just go for the extended "heyyyyyyyyyyy" rather than adding your name at the end because she'll panic at the last minute.

5. She cringes when people pronounce "mature" like "matour." She also cringes at the sight of cotton balls, or snowboats squeaking on snow.

6. If you see her suddenly clutch her chest in pain, do not panic. She probably just ate a Dorito too fast and forgot to chew it. This happens more than you'd think.

7. Dirty napkins and dirty tissues make her gag on the spot. Keep them away.

8. She has never once in her life been called a "sweetheart," or " just darling." She has been called other names, however.

9. When she is uncomfortable in a situation she is known to make awkward uncomfortable jokes.  They are almost always inappropriate for the moment, and sure to make everyone else just as uncomfortable.

10. Lastly, she is already engaged and can't wait to be married, so she's 100% not interested in any guy on this show. And for the most part never would be interested in a guy who would come on this show because she's a little judgy when it comes to men and dating shows because let's face it, they're all kinda weird and showy and far too pretty for her. She sends her apologies if this pisses anyone off.

So it would be best for all parties involved if the guys were actually replaced with dogs. And then she would never send any of them home, but instead would play with them all day and rub her face in their ears at any chance possible.

Talk about a fun TV show, am I right?! Who's ready to watch?


  1. haha, love this! #1 - hugs no way! But, do you shake hands with people you just met or does that physically disgust you?

  2. I would 100% watch!!!! I am back on my dog kick after Eric's bestie just got a 1 year old rescue Aussie Shepherd that was brought up from a HK shelter in North Carolina. HE IS THE COOLEST. I WANT A DOG SO BAD. But I will keep my feline life for now.

    Holy shit I talk a lot about animals. Sorry, I'm married.

  3. I would watch a Bachelor #adoptdontshop edition where all the contestants are dogs and when they're sent home they're literally sent to a home that adopts them anyway and loves them forever.
    Also, I will actually kill people (if asked) to become the "Bachelorette" on that show. Not crazy, just dog obsessed ;)
    Also, I'd never send any dogs home and I'd just live in the mansion with 28 dogs.

  4. I would go on the Bachelorette if dogs were contestants it was called the Poochelorette.

  5. I'd watch. And I don't watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette. I think they should spice it up with a quirky person.

  6. My sister-in-law is also really freaked out by dirty napkins haha. Just when you think someone has a "weird thing," you always run across someone else! (My weird thing is a literal fear of mustard.)

  7. cottonballs?! but also mature, yes. just say the word. 8 is my favorite.

  8. I've never watched the show either, but my sister snapped her and her friends watching the finale and they were all sobbing.....I don't get it.

  9. Can you PLEASE be the next Bachelorette? Maybe I'd actually watch it then...

    Emma | Seeking the South

  10. I honestly don't know why I continue to watch The Bachelor, not only are all of the characters hopelessly vapid but I feel myself becoming more and more vanilla as I watch it. Yet, I tell myself I have to so I can know what everyone at work and in the blogworld is talking about (hehe, clearly an excuse for my guilty pleasure). I also despise when random people touch me and would never remember the guys' names. Eek!

  11. We don't have cable, so it kills me a little on the inside that the only way I watch these ridiculous shows is through my Twitter feed and blog recaps (like Life of Bon). In any case, I loved this post!

  12. #5 though... Same as "schedule" and "shed-jule" ugh, who are you?

  13. If you hate people mispronouncing mature, you would hate how many times the bachelor confused "came" and "come" haha!

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