16 Things That Make Me Feel Old AF
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
I was in slippers and settled into the couch by 6 p.m. last Friday. And oh my it was wonderful.
Also, yesterday I was vacuuming when I actually said out loud to myself, "damn it, I enjoy vacuuming."
I really said that. And I meant it. I don't know if it's relaxing for me, or the fact the pay off is quick, or maybe it's just because Harlow makes our house so dirty so it has to be done, whatever it is I love to vacuum and I don't care who knows it.
Realizing joys like this makes me feel old AF.
However, I feel like I should say that Chris's parents totally spoiled us with this cordless vacuum for Christmas so it really is a treat to use a vacuum that actually works compared to the 1986 hand-me-down we used for 5 years previous.
A vacuum for Christmas that we both really wanted, not even kidding. Like I said, feeling old AF over here. I compiled a list of all of my old lady triggers just because it was 2 a.m. this morning and I couldn't sleep after having a weird night at standup. Ugh, comedy. Anyway.
16 Things That Make Me Feel Old AF.
1. When the neighbors upstairs are throwing a loud party and I say "what are they doing up at this hour anyway?!" And it's midnight... on a Saturday.
And then I proceed to knock on the ceiling with a broom like the crazy old woman I am.
2. That I take far too much joy in a clean microwave.
3. Same can be said with freshly cleaned fridge shelves. What's NOT to love?
4. I can't skip stairs anymore because my knee hurts. My left knee to be specific. I feel like I'm too young for body parts to be going out on me.
5. And yet sometimes my hip gets weird too. Like when it rains.
6 . Also the fact that 9 times out of 10 I'll choose a hangover free morning over a fun night out. Nothing beats getting up on a Saturday and being ready to tackle the day, don't you think?
7. That I have a coffee mug collection... Some may even be hung on my wall. Want to know how I know you're old? You think coffee mugs make great decor.
8. Finding a new cleaning product makes my day. Did you know that peroxide takes out almost everything?! For real. I've become like the crazy dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. But instead of Windex I love peroxide.
9. Home Depot on a Saturday is real thrill for me. It's almost flower time!
10. I say things like, "Who left all the damn lights on? Do you think I have stock in the electric bill?"
11. And that I have this polka dot sweater in two colors now. Because who doesn't love a good summer sweater? Young people. That's who.
12. I've been listening to "easy jazz" and "movie scores" lately while I drink wine and read a book. Then I usually finish off the night with some Metamucil. Jk. Maybe.
13. I spent last Sunday "going over my finances" in preparation of getting my tax info ready and thought to myself, I need a better plan for retirement....
14. I have a vision board with my dream washer and dryer on it. #goals.
15. I've basically started buying anti wrinkle cream in bulk...
16. It's now 2:00 p.m. and I need my afternoon cup of coffee or I'll have to take a nap.
Where my old ladies in the house? What did I leave off the list?