Blogging, Balance and Bullshit

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Last night was a good night at standup.

The room was full, we had to turn comedians away, and the people in the audience wanted to be there. They clapped, they laughed, they were on board with everything, and it made me think, damn I need to do this more.

Why don't I do this more?

And then I woke up today exhausted and am behind on t-shirts and blog posts and I remembered that's why I don't do it more. The late nights kills me. I'm a wimp. I need, and I love my sleep.

My comedian friends all work their ass off. They have jobs they hate, but they tolerate them because it allows them to do what they love. When their work day is done they hit rehearsal, or their next open mic, or their next show. I've surrounded myself with a bunch of people who hustle and grind hard here and I like it.

But it also makes me feel like a loser. I don't hit it nearly as hard as my friends, especially right now, when so much of my energy is focused toward t-shirts and blogging. I don't ever clock out of my job and that's a conscious choice I am making.

And let's be honest, I also choose blogging and t-shirts over writing and comedy because it's easier. It's a wonderful distraction from thinking about the failed dreams I can't seem to reach.

I prefer to post an Instagram that will get me 20 sales rather than write a chapter of my book. Instant gratification folks, it feels so good!

And now we're at the point in the post where I'm debating what my original intent was for writing this. Was it to talk about the fact I always feel 100% confused and that I'm making the wrong decisions and focusing on the wrong thing? Or that 2016 is the year I've put comedy on the back burner because I'm hustling in a different area, the area that pays bills and allows me to book a honeymoon, not miss out on my friends bachelorettes, and possibly put money down on a house.

I don't know when we crossed into mortgage talk, but we have and it is terrifying. Turns out real estate in Chicago isn't cheap. So I feel the need to sell 100 more shirts a week, take on a few more sponsored posts, push the insta game just a little harder... It's my job after all, I don't expect someone else to do the work.

So yea, 2016 is a little pricey.

But why would 2017 be any different? We're not doing crazy shit here, it's just what adults do. Right? Right. I DON'T KNOW. And to think a lot of people our age have two, or even three, extra mouths to feed.

Remember that game where you put your forehead on the handle of a baseball bat, put the other end in the dirt, and then you spin around in circles really fast? Then when you come up, you try to run as fast as you can in any direction, without falling over.

Well that's me right now every single day. I'm just running spastically all over the place trying not to fall down.

Anyone else playing?



  1. First off, that picture is beautiful. It needs to be like that here every day. You are also not alone. I think that a lot of people including myself have had moments where we've questioned our decisions. Or we wish that we were a kid again. Keep up the great posts and have a great day!! :-)

  2. Love the realness and the adultness of this post. You do what you have to do to make life better... And then if there is time left over you do what you love. You are on the right path my friend.

  3. Love the realness and the adultness of this post. You do what you have to do to make life better... And then if there is time left over you do what you love. You are on the right path my friend.

  4. I can so relate to all of these feelings. It's so hard to do what we have to do sometimes, even when it's the right thing. Cheering you on!

  5. Ah so understand Taylor - you're speaking so much truth. Love the hustle, but it's exhausting sometimes! Don't forget to add on planning a wedding, I feel like that can be an extra job in itself sometimes. Thanks for letting it out and letting us relate girl!

  6. Girl, I am driving the career confusion bus, I'll head north and pick you up! As for the bat, at least its holding us up, even though we might be spinning around it! And yes mortgages are scary and so is pmi and insurance on top of insurance and "you mean I really need to put down like $24,000" who the hell has that kind of money laying around?!? If you need me I'll be in the corner drinking martinis watching everyone have their shit together while I just pretend!

  7. This is exactly how I feel about Hawaii. Want to buy a house? Sell your soul to the sponsored post gods!

  8. You guys have a lot going on right now, wedding and future homes and all. It's okay to stray from the path to do what you need to do to pay the bills. Plus, it's so wonderful that you love what you do! You are still insanely funny...I'd come to your stand-up, if I were ever around there!

  9. Yep. I feel the same way. Constantly striving for more, but settling for less. It's a crappy rut to be in! Hopefully we'll both make it out soon.

  10. I can relate also, just saying bullshit is something is something too many of us have to deal with on a daily basis

  11. A book! I want to read it!! Write it!!

  12. Love the realness and the adultness of this post. You do what you have to do to make life better...