That Time I Signed Up For A Marathon After Drinking Too Much Wine

Thursday, April 21, 2016

You know how sometimes after you've had a drink or two you sometimes feel a little bolder? Do things you wouldn't normally do.

Well let's talk about that for a second. Drinking from the safety of my couch has led me into some interesting situations in my life.

For example, it's how I signed for my first Second City class years ago. I thought about it for over a year and had a million reasons why I shouldn't do it. Until one night I had a few glasses of wine and just signed up for a damn class.

And the course of my life was changed ever since.

A few years later I ordered my first twelve tank tops for my t-shirt line after some drinks.

What if no one buys them? What if I go into the hole $180 because of it? What if it's a complete failure? -my mind normally

Chill out and just do the damn thing. Less talky, more drinky.  - my mind with chardonnay

And my most recent wine fueled decision was to sign Chris and I up for the Chicago Marathon. It was a lottery registration, so I figured our chances of getting in were slim. Believe it or not, a lot of people want to pay money to run 26 miles apparently. For fun.

For fun?

I don't know. But I guess I'll find out. Because this morning Chris and I both got emails that read,

"Congratulations! Your entry has been accepted into the Chicago Marathon.

Hope you know how to run a lot. You do, right? Because only an idiot would sign up who has never ran more than five miles in their life. You hear that, Taylor Wolfe. You are an idiot. You will probably die. Or at the very least your nipples will bleed because apparently that happens to people.

You might also shun yourself. Which means shitting while you're running. So just like you did in grade school, pack extra pants.

Chicago Marathon People."

The first thing I googled upon reading the email was, "how to run a marathon." Followed by, "cute outfits for running a marathon." I think we both know which topic I was more interested in.

Have Chris and I ever half ran a half marathon you might be wondering? No. What about ten miles? No, not that I recall. I did run a 5k once and I killed it!

And since you asked, I used to be super good at the 1 Mile Test in P.E. class. I NEVER walked it. So what's 25 more miles on top of that?

We decided to start training tonight. But then we remembered the Hawks are playing and it would be more fun to go to a bar. So we'll start tomorrow...

And thus the experiment begins. Can two lazy assholes run a marathon who a. don't know how to run. and b. often choose drinking over exercising 10 out of 10 times. I guess we will find out.

On Sunday, October 9th Chris and I are running the Chicago Marathon.

I may be scared to run a marathon but the kid in that pic definitely is not. She'd slap me in the face and tell me to stop being such a loser. But then again, that kid also liked to leisurely wear muscle t's that say "NO FEAR" and purple swishy Umbro shorts so who's the real loser, you know?

I've really got myself into a pickle here.


  1. LOL wow! Good luck to you guys! Can't wait to hear about your journey. Awesome that you got in!!

  2. oh good luck! You're certainly braver than I am. I've run a few 5k races and am attempting a 10k this summer. I don't know if I'll ever have enough guts to try a full marathon... maybe a half ;)

    The Midwest Darling

  3. Ah I'm so excited for you! I can't wait to follow this journey! It's so worth it though.

  4. The most I've ever run was the Mens Health Urbanathlon (they have one in Chicago too!) - 10 miles, 10 obstacles. Mine included running up and down the bleachers at the NY Mets' Citi Field. It was INTENSE. But I loved it. Eric did it too - only because I paid for his ticket. But he loved it to. Maybe I can con him into paying one of these races ..

    And I haven't run for more than 3 miles since.

    I think my bestie and I are gonna do the Rutgers Half next April .. here's hoping! Best of luck .. seems like all your wine-induced ideas end well!! But .. how did you get Chris to sign up with you??

  5. Ha! I love this story. Good luck with your training for this - hope you document the whole process here because I'm sure it'll be entertaining :) Congrats on signing up for your first marathon!

  6. I signed up recently for my first marathon too. I highly recommend the Hal Higdon training plans available on his website. It helped me train so well for my first half marathon and I'm feeling really prepped for my first marathon too!

  7. You are lucky! My uncle has entered that lottery like five times and never gets it LOL! You can do it! We just did our first half and are training now for the full in December. Lots of nipple tape, my friend

  8. I also make outrageous exercise plans when drinking wine that I don't want to follow through with. Good luck girl!

  9. If it were me I would be glad to win the lottery and then forget about the cost of the entry fee and toast the winner from the finish line in my new outfit...It's not like you don't have other things to be thinking about between now and July. Have fun my friend...and don't feel guilty if you decide not to run.....I know I wouldn't. Big smile....

  10. That's crazy you both got in!! I know you've joked on here before about running Chicago. I've run 4 half marathons, but have always been scared to attempt the training for a full. I second the commenter who suggested Hal Higdon's plans. You should both get fitted for new running shoes ASAP, it'll keep a lot of injuries from popping up. And buy a foam roller. You'll both need it.

  11. Oh god; a couple years ago I did the exact same thing. I had done one marathon back when I was a D1 athlete and figured that signing up for another one would encourage me to get off my ass and train. Turns out it didn't. I spent the entire summer and fall not running (I did a couple 3 milers over the summer and then ran/walked 6 miles twice before the race). It was painful as hell. I highly recommend sticking with a solid training plan. If you do, you're going to have an awesome experience. The Chicago Marathon has such a good vibe the entire way through (there's only a mile or two at the end where there aren't many people). Anyway, I wrote a post about doing the Chicago Marathon on no training; hopefully you'll never have to use it-

  12. Bahaha!!! I love this! Please keep us informed of your training schedule! And I mean the one that does not involve 12oz curls ;)

  13. Haha! Best of luck!

    I have never run any type of race and don't intend on it at this point, but I think it's an amazing accomplishment to have under your belt!

  14. ha!! This sounds all too familiar. My fiance and I drunkenly sat at dinner in Old Town the other week and signed up for the Chicago Half. I didn't remember until I saw the email in the of luck to you on the other 13 ish whatever miles haha! I'm certainly going to die.

  15. Girl, I can't believe you're doing it! That's amazing! Even with me running 5k a day last summer there was no way I'd be able to run a marathon. I'm sticking to fun runs, 'cause you can walk them.

  16. Haha this is hysterical because I did the exact same thing 4 years ago and drinking was involved in my decision too! I had never ran more than 3 miles at once and I did a full marathon. Hardest thing I've ever done, but also the most rewarding. I followed Hal Higdon's beginner training schedule and took it really slow! I'll never do one again but I'm so glad I can say I did it! You'll do great, and good luck!!

  17. Hilarious and awesome! I've run two halfs and I love the Hal Higdon training schedules. They have different levels from novice to experienced. This is novice 1:

  18. Ha! Good luck! I've done two half marathons and can tell you that training is the worst part! But if you stick to a plan and give yourself plenty of time, you'll crush it on race day!

  19. Good luck!!!!! I have a half marathon that weekend or I would've tried for the lottery. You both have plenty of time to train for it and not die at the end LOL.

    Just don't die... that's what I tell myself on training runs, don't die. And hydrate.

  20. This is the best story ever! But realistically, if have plenty of time to train if you start running regularly soon. And I see it as a great excuse to buy cute new workout clothes to do that training in!

  21. Yikes - good luck! I did a 10 mile race and didn't think I'd ever be able to move again by the end (but in my defense I didn't really train) haha.

  22. Did you start training yet??? This is GOLDEN. Maybe if you bring wine to the marathon it won't be half bad, either!

    Coming Up Roses

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