63 Things Every Bride MUST DO The Week Before Her Wedding

Thursday, July 14, 2016


Guys, I'm checked out.

I'm so checked out. I'm in vacation mode and it's like pulling teeth for me to concentrate on anything. Bloody and painful and me screaming every 30 minutes I NEED MORE GAS!!!

I have one last shipment of t-shirts coming in today that I have to knock out and then I'm turning my baby, I mean business, over to my assistant for the next three weeks.

*My assistant is not a dog this time around so I'm a little nervous. But I know it will be fine.

I spend my nights on Pinterest looking at articles that say things like "20 Things Every Bride MUST DO The Week Before Her Wedding." Or "10 Things EVERY Bride Forgets To Do Right Before Her Wedding." "701 Things a Bride Will REGRET She Didn't Do At Her Wedding."

My advice for newly engaged people, take care of all the little details you're so excited about at the beginning because at the end you will not give one shit. Sure, a well written and clever ceremony program sounds fun at first, but when you don't have it printed one week to go you're like, let's just make a copy of someone else's. Will anyone really notice if the names are different?

But those articles on Pinterest tell me otherwise. If I don't get everything done just perfectly, the wedding will be a disaster.

I know, I know, I'm the idiot for reading them. But where are all of the articles for grooms? Why must all the pressure be put on the bride? We do it to ourselves partly, but I have to think we do that because so much of society is telling us it's ALL ON THE BRIDE.

Most of the articles are shit. Today the one I read was all about 35 beauty things every bride MUST DO.

5 Days Out:
*Avoid High Carbs and Salty Foods!
*Get Teeth Cleaned and Whitened.
*Up Your Water and Sleep Intake.
*Visit The Dermatologist.
*Get An Eye Treatment To Remove Dark Circles and Puffiness.
*Get Eyebrows Threaded or Waxed.
*Touch Up Hair Color.

24 Hours Out:
*Manis and Pedis.

12 Hours Out:
*Shave Off Every Hair Follicle and Freckle.
*Remove Face.

2 Hours Out:
*Put On Halloween Scream Mask.
*Sit In A Kiddy Pool Full of Canola Oil and Chia Seeds To Reduce Swelling.

30 Minutes Out:
*Watch As Head Explodes.
*Quick Mani/Pedi Touchups.

I want to look nice on my wedding day, that goes without saying. But sometimes I catch myself getting all caught up and just thinking WHY? Stop. I haven't gotten my eyebrows waxed in 100 years, they've never been threaded because that scares me, so why would I start now? Chris knows what he's getting into and it's not good eyebrows.

Will my eyes be puffy? Probably. Again, not a surprise here. I like salty foods and I like a glass of wine or five. I'll work with what I have and that's good eyelashes. The rest will have to do.

Does this mean I won't freak out on "THE BIG DAY" about the way I look? Absolutely not. There will always be freak outs.

By God, there will always be freak outs. -My Best Friend's Wedding.

Or maybe he says "dancing." There will always be dancing. Same difference.

But seriously, I should probably work on getting those programs printed today. I'd hate for our guests to arrive at our ceremony and be all confused about what they're attending... you know what I mean?

Okay I'm done. I've lost it. I think I'm going to crawl into my safe place (Harlow's cave bed) and nap for an hour.


12 comments:

  1. "Chris knows what he's getting into and it's not good eyebrows."

    LOL

    You're right though, you're old enough and know yourself well enough to know what does and does not work for you. You want to look and be yourself for your wedding, not some saltless/wineless/hairless person no one's ever met. So while I might not suggest loads and loads of wine and sodium, moderation is great! Enjoy this week!!

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    Replies
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      Saya IBU SALMAH ingin berbagi cerita kepada anda semua bahwa saya yg dulunya cuma seorang TKW di ARAB SAUDI jadi pembantu rumah tangga yg gajinya tidak mencukupi keluarga di kampun,jadi TKW itu sangat menderita dan di suatu hari saya duduk2 buka internet dan tidak di sengaja saya melihat komentar orang tentan AKI SOLEH dan katanya bisa membantu orang untuk memberikan nomor yg betul betul tembus dan kebetulan juga saya sering pasan nomor di ARAB SAUDI,akhirnya saya coba untuk menhubungi AKI SOLEH dan ALHAMDULILLAH beliau mau membantu saya untuk memberikan nomor,dan nomor yg diberikan AKI SOLEH meman betul2 terbukti tembus dan saya sangat bersyukur berkat bantuan AKI SOLEH kini saya bisa pulang ke INDONESIA untuk buka usaha sendiri,,munkin saya tidak bisa membalas budi baik AKI SOLEH sekali lagi makasih yaa AKI dan bagi teman2 yg menjadi TKW atau TKI seperti saya,bila butuh bantuan hubungi saja AKI SOLEH DI 082-313-336-747- insya ALLAH beliau akan membantu anda.Ini benar benar kisah nyata dari saya seorang TKW
      trimah kasih banyak AKI atas bantuang nomor togel nya wassalam.


      KLIK DISINI BOCORAN TOGEL HARI INI





















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  2. How are you supposed to reduce the puffiness 5 days out when the pre-wedding meltdown is supposed to happen 2 days out?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Print half as many programs as you think you need. I printed one for every person and I have 75% of them in my house still.

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