Thoughts On The Oscars

Monday, February 29, 2016




The weather has been unseasonably warm in Chicago and it has everyone feeling like Harlow looks. Ears down, eyes slanted, smile spread as far as it can go. We're all hoping for an early spring and I think we might get our wish. Last year winter lasted until May, but I think Chicago's taking it easy on us this year.

Harlow and I ran to the beach yesterday and played for a solid hour. It just felt so good to get out of the house and not have the air hurt. It felt too good to be true. Which made me wonder what people who live in warm climates have to complain about? WHAT? Life is so much easier when it's sunny.

After spending as much time outside as possible until it started to rain I settled on the couch to watch eight hours of the Oscars.

I've watched the Academy Awards since I was little. I've never missed. When I was a kid I used to imagine myself there and I'd practice the speech I'd give after I'd just won. I would get so jealous when I saw other little kids there and was determined to be there one day.

As an adult, I still do the exact same thing. I have my award winning speech ready to give (it's super good and inspirational, you'll probably get choked up when you hear it) and I still get jealous of the little kids who get to be there.

In the most recent years when I've watched the Oscars a dark cloud of regret and failure has always hovered close by. I almost couldn't watch anymore because the show was no longer about hopes and dreams for me but instead it was a huge reminder of how little I've accomplished. It just made me feel like a big old loser who will never get where I really to want to be. I'd watch it and feel cynical and angry about everyone else there who was so much more talented than me.

Woof. What a Debbie Downer.

But yesterday was different for some reason. I was excited as I watched. I imagined myself there again someday. Which sure, you can call silly because I most definitely still dream like I did when I was a kid and have very unrealistic expectations in life. But whatever! Keeping my head in the clouds gives me energy. It keeps me working. It makes me write another day on a story that I know no one may ever read.

But then again, who knows?

Every movie mentioned last night simply started as an idea in a dreamer's head somewhere.

See what the nice weather does to me? It makes me think whimsy happy thoughts. No wonder so many creatives live in LA.

Did you watch last night? What did you think?



Saturday Takeover

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Today I have the pleasure of introducing you to Allison, a 33 year old New Yorker with a lot to say.



1. Why did you decide to start a blog?

I've been a writer my entire life: my parents have tons of my earlier childhood 'work' including ridiculous letters, short stories, really riveting fiction (sarcasm) and essays I submitted for school. It's always been a passion of mine and something I was consistently complimented on, but as I got older I found myself doing it less and less and instead relying on social media as my creative outlet. I'd write funny Facebook statuses or tweets and even though I was constantly told, "you need to start a blog!" I had no idea where to begin, didn't have the time and felt kind of weird and self-conscious putting my words out there for all to see. However, once I found myself unemployed in the spring of 2012 (and with a LOT of extra/free time), I threw caution to the wind and finally started 'AA' and I am SO glad I did.

 2. How is life in New York?

 I feel like I hit the 'life lottery' being born here; I'm the quintessential New Yorker in every way. I grew up in Long Island and still live in an amazing beach town here; a town that has tons of fun bars, restaurants, things to do and oh yeah, the Atlantic Ocean in my backyard. That's kind of cool. I also had the pleasure of living in New York City for five years and still work there now at a digital media/market research firm. I think life in New York has been such a huge inspiration for my blog and I often write about it and use it as a backdrop for my posts (and my Instagram page, obvs). It's fast-paced, exciting, stressful, beautiful (conventionally and unconventionally), inspiring and diverse. I love it.



 3. You mention online dating, what's this like in New York? 

 In New York, you're gonna get a little bit of EVERYTHING. Artists, musicians, hipsters, finance dudes, meatheads, guys originally from different states and countries, you name it. I've actually even seen some D-list celebs and reality stars on all the apps which is hilarious to me (and would be incredible blog material if I ended up going on a date with one of them; I'll keep trying).

 I write about online dating a LOT because I think it's inherently fascinating, FRUSTRATING and also downright hilarious. It's also a way for me to connect to other single people who go through similar things and can relate to the trials and tribulations of trying to date and meet people in modern times. For example, I've been Catfished. Nope, not kidding.



 4. What have you learned from blogging thus far? 

 It takes WORK. I have a full-time job so my blog is more of a hobby and creative outlet for me, but it can often be really hard to find the time to write, promote, update, create, submit work to other sites, etc. A huge part of blogging is also supporting OTHER bloggers, which takes time as well. But I also never imagined how amazing the community would be -- I can honestly say that after three and a half years of doing this I've made legit friendships and have even met up with blogger friends in real life, which is amazing to me. I also can't stress enough how much I LOVE the feedback my posts get. When people reach out to me or publicly comment on the post with their own stories, opinions and anecdotes I'm ELATED. It isn't easy putting your voice out there and being vulnerable at times, but this is what makes it so worth it.

 5. What are two posts you've written lately you'd like to share? 

Speaking of online dating, I recently re-joined all the apps after a brief hiatus and HAD to share all the bizarre, creepy and awkward encounters I faced, screen shots and all: Tales of Online Dating

 I wrote this post to my non-blogger peeps to give them a feel for the 'behind the scenes' look at this crazy blogging world. For example, you need to know that all those shameless plugs and social media promoted posts are a necessary evil. And yes, I know they're annoying. To My Non-Blogger Friends

*Comments turned off. Say to Allison here!

The Wrong Wedding Dress

Friday, February 26, 2016

I just tried on my wedding dress for the first time.



They sent me the wrong one. Well, kind of. The dress I took photos of was strapless. The dress I ordered was strapless. The dress at my parents house that I just tried on was not strapless.

But everything else was the same. Kind of.

When I put it on I immediately broke down and started to cry. The worst possible thing that could have happened, happened. It's my absolute nightmare. MY WEDDING IS RUINED. LIFE IS OVER.

Jk.

I was a little annoyed. But que sera sera, accidents happen. My wedding is still like five months away. The boutique obviously said they'll fix it asap. But I'm kind of tempted to keep the sleeves for the ceremony and then ditch them for the reception. I'm using the term "sleeve" loosely here. They're more like caps. Or something. I'm not sure.

My mom went into Dance Mom mode and suggested we fix it ourselves. She actually said the words "velcro buttons." And "hot glue gun." HOT GLUE GUN.

I was like, MOM this is not a dance costume! I'm not doing a tap number to Johnny Be Good in a recital at the Norfolk Senior High Theater. 

Classic mom and her damn hot glue gun.

I still love the dress, it's just a little different. And the good thing is I don't have to get it altered at all. I should probably just stop eating pizza and stuff right before the wedding because it's slightly hard to breathe in. Or maybe that was just nerves? But I'm pretty sure it was my pizza pooch.

Before I wrap up for the weekend I'll end by telling you 42 years ago on this day my parents went on their first date.

My dad asked my mom out in gym class. She thought he was going to ask for her homework. But instead my dad swept her off her feet and asked her to go to a community college basketball game with him. If I could insert the crying laughing face emoji here I would. Instead I'll show you a pic from when they went to prom together.


My mom's hat. My dad's bow tie. THEIR HAIR. It's all too good. They're ridiculous.

I wrote about how to have a good marriage here, based on what I've learned from them. Read it for a chuckle. Have a good weekend, everyone. March is almost here!


Things I Never Knew About Running My Own Business

Thursday, February 25, 2016

shoes!
I hate when I miss a day of blogging. I know a lot of people like a break, but I don't. I get antsy if I don't write every day. I get itchy.

But allow me to take you through my past 24 hours. Humor me and pretend like you care.

My last t-shirt delivery was a little delayed because of one thing or another and I could start to feel the heat of my customers wanting their stuff. And rightfully so. When I order something I want it asap, so I get the urgency. Sidenote- can we all agree that everyone should have to work in customer service and/or the food service industry at least once in their life? Just so we all "get it"...

I knew there was a good chance my shipment would't make it to me on account of the blizzard rolling through Chicago, so Wednesday morning I jumped in my car at 4:30 a.m. (to beat the bad weather) and drove nine hours to get my shirts. I work with a Nebraska supplier because hometown business, ya know?

Anyway, I got to Nebraska around 2 p.m., picked up my inventory, and went straight to work until around midnight.

Living my dream life, what can I say?

Honestly, every shirt I pack - even in the wee hours of the morning, I remind myself that it beats the hell out of sitting in a cubicle working for someone else. My personality test confirmed I don't do well with rules or being told what to do, I'm pretty sure every teacher/boss I've ever had would agree to that one as well...

When I started a year ago with this shirt I had no idea it would turn into what it has.


But over the course of a year I have learned a lot about running a business. Let's breeze over a few!

*The work (and thoughts of work) never ends.
Never ever. I have to make myself stop at night because there's always one more thing I need or want to do.

*Sundays are for getting shit done.
If I don't put in at least 4-5 hours of work every Sunday my Monday will be hell. Good bye, lazy Sundays.

*Vacations are hard. 
Because when I stop working my business suffers. Customers don't care if you're on a ski trip. So I never fully disconnect. I'm always checking emails and trying to keep my head on straight. I'm worried about this for our wedding and honeymoon. I want to disconnect fully, but I also want to be able to pay rent... So.

*I care a lot.
I'll be honest, I've had cubicle jobs where I really didn't care that much. I'd do the bare minimum I had to do and get the hell out.  I know that sounds terrible, but it's true. When you run your own business it's totally different. I care about every cent, promotion, connection, email, I put out there. It's me. It's my business.

*I care too much.
I take things personally. (My personality test warned me of this, as well.) When a customer shoots me a mean email I dwell on it. When someone doesn't like something I get upset about it.

*I care a lot because I love it. 
I wake up feeling grateful (and exhausted) but mostly grateful every morning. I love that I get to start my emails each day on my couch with Harlow on my lap. And then I get to write for an hour. And then I start t-shirt time. (With about five trips to the dog park in between.)

But enough chit-chat. I have to head back into the t-shirt room. Those "Let's Day Drink" shirts aren't going to pack themselves. Also, I'm sharing an inside look at the life of a t-shirt lady today on snapchat @thedailytay.

Man, I could go for a Bloody right now.


What Type Of Personality Are You?

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

mondays are garbage.
Yesterday was intense.

After being away from my "home office" for about five days I came home to a shit storm of emails, posts that need to be written, and orders to fulfill.

Lots and lots of t-shirt orders. As I write this I realize it sounds like a gross humble brag and it's not meant that way, I'm just beyond thrilled to see this shirt selling like it is- even if it means packing shirts until 1 a.m. to play catch up.

Sometime around 1:30 I stopped packing and allowed myself some internet free time to wind down. Does anyone else do this? When you just let your searches go absolutely wild? I'll click on any trashy article that my heart desires until I'm so lost in the internet rabbit hole I don't even know where I started.

Last night I ended up on a personality test. I do these from time to time when I feel like I need a computer to remind me who I am... jk. But maybe not. I took the one found here, but there's obviously hundreds out there.

And so last night at 2 a.m I learned that I am:

*delaying tasks I should be doing to take stupid personality tasks.
*will do absolutely anything to put off writing my script.
*great at wasting time.

But seriously, I got INFP-A.
Which means I am :
Introverted: 69%, Intuitive: 89%, Feeling: 59%, Prospecting: 60%, Assertive: 55%

I'm not completely sure what those numbers mean, but there were a few things the results said that were eerily close to home.

"INFPs listen to many, but talk to few." Definitely.

Strengths: Often creative, energetic, flexible, dedicated, open minded, and very passionate.
well thanks!

Weaknesses: Too idealistic, not practical, difficult to get to know, too altruistic, takes things too personally....
what's that supposed to mean!?!

And then there was this:

"INFPs will often focus their attention on a single worthy cause, but if they're not careful they can become overwhelmed by all the bad in the world that they can’t fix."

That sounds dramatic. But I know exactly what that line means. I have unrealistic expectations for the world and don't understand why we can't stop ABUSING ANIMALS. And kids. And people in general. But mostly dogs. That's my "single worthy cause." It's what keeps me awake at night and makes me cry for animals I've never met.

But don't worry, INFPs bounce back because we are very optimistic. Unrealistically optimistic sometimes, apparently. Me? Never. Lols.

And even though I have "trouble making friends" (the test actually said this, talk about feeling like a loser) the friends I do make, I keep forever. You hear that, friends? You're stuck with me FOREVER.

Career paths I should choose: probably an author or a blogger because I "excel in hermit mode." i.e. I'm energized by being alone and can feel lethargic or uninterested when surrounded by people I don't know.

Basically I just learned that I'm a big old loser. High school makes so much more sense to me now.

The test also said that INFPs sometimes get so lost in their work they neglect basic upkeep of themselves and pretty much walk around looking like garbage people and don't realize it and/or care. If you follow me on snap you know this is definitely NOT TRUE. I take pride in looking nice every day.

And this is another post brought to you by 3 a.m. internet searching/insomnia. If you've taken a test like this, what were your results? Were they accurate for you? Do tell, I'm a great listener and want to know.

Using TSA Pre Check

Monday, February 22, 2016


Last week was my first time using my new "TSA Pre Check" status.

In order to register for the card I had to go to a government building downtown, which was a very big deal for me because I typically avoid any buildings like that. Imagine your DMV then multiply it by 100, that's what it's like going to government places in Chicago. I've fought speeding tickets and waited in line to buy parking passes for hours.... days even.

But the TSA Pre Check was worth it. (And in reality it took five minutes once I got there. So whatever.)

Chris however, missed his TSA appointment so he wasn't going to be able to breeze through security with me. So like the good fiance I am, I politely told him several times before we flew out last Wednesday that I would be leaving him in security.

"I'm sorry, but I paid for this. I went to a government building and everything. So I have to use it, okay?"

He didn't care since he's not nearly as airport crazy as I am. He doesn't go nuts about choosing the "right line", or fret about walking in his socks on the dirty airport floor, or believe every TSA agent is secretly conspiring against him to make him late. Like I said, he's normal.

So last Wednesday we got to the airport and it was moderately busy, I looked at my boarding pass no less than 10 times to see the magical "TSA Pre Check" written on it, and as we walked toward security when I started smugly telling Chris good-bye,  I noticed the line.

I noticed that the line for Pre Check was longer than the regular line.

And just like that the song from Curb Your Enthusiasm started playing in my head, as it always does when I feel like I'm Larry David. Chris started laughing and walked away as I stood dumbfounded with my stupid Pre Check boarding pass in hand, ready to "fly through security."

My life, ladies and gentlemen.

Anyway, I wanted to write a really solid post today since I missed a few days last week. Clearly, I did that! You're welcome.

Truthfully, I woke up feeling like someone punched me in the throat. I love that first sign of a sore throat, it's like your body is saying, "get ready, I'm about to dump some real nasty shit on you." Yay.

And I may have to drive 400 miles today because of a little t-shirt emergency. I'll go into more detail later. Or maybe I won't, I don't want to ruin the magic of the t-shirt industry for you. It'd be like seeing Goofy take off his head at Disney World. I just don't think you could handle it.

Don't worry, I'll be back with 100 new posts this week sure to change your life.

15 Things I Do Before I Leave For A Trip

Wednesday, February 17, 2016


1. First and foremost, I panic about leaving Harlow. I actually get anxiety because I'm NUTS.

Whenever I see those bloggers who get to go on a new vacation every week my first thought is always- but who's watching that dog you love so much??? Which is immediately followed by my thoughts of, I'm also a little jealous of your compensated trips. But more importantly, where is your dog? If I could figure out how to be a travel blogger who brings my dog everywhere my life would be complete. (And my fiance.)

2. I tell Harlow no less than 1,000 times "I'l be RIGHT BACK! I'm coming back. I'll be back. I love you. I'll be back. I love you. It's just a short trip." Over and over and over.

3. I also stock the house with new toys and treats because it helps with my guilt. We have an awesome friend who comes to stay with Harlow who treats like him the princess he his, but my guilt for not taking him is still very much there.

4. And then I go to Target. It's my pre trip ritual.

5. I proceed to buy a lot of junk I don't need. This can included but certainly isn't limited to Starbursts, Rolos, Chex Mix, Fruit Snacks, and every miniature toiletry I can find. So basically I buy snacks and small bottles of hairspray.

6. Then I take great joy in packing my purse. My purse is huge, it's more like a duffel. Simply so it can hold all the snacks.

Duffel bag on major sale here.

7. Then it's time to pack the clothes. My least favorite part.

8. I do a fashion show in my head of what I think I'll wear. Which is almost always pointless because usually when I'm on vacation I wear the same thing on repeat because I just want to be comfy, you know?

9. I lay out all of my clothes in a nice pretty pile before sloppily throwing them in my suitcase.


10. The striped tee is just another Target purchase. And I'm packing 100 sweaters because it's fun to leave somewhere cold for somewhere... cold.

11. After packing I go on a crazy cleaning rampage because my mom instilled a weird phobia in me that's it's the worst thing in the world to leave for vacation with a messy house.

12. I declare I'm going to stay up all night getting my house together and finishing all work so I don't have to be tied to my computer in Steamboat.

(except no shorts or fedora...)

vacation mode sweatshirt.

13. Then Chris comes home from work and he's already in vacation mode and feeling jolly so he insists we should go out and eat nachos and drink beer rather than do work. And I give in. I always give in.

14. So now it's 6:30 a.m. and I'm scrambling to get everything done and it's my own fault.

15. Also, I announced my St. Patrick's Day shirt last night and you responded. Oh the joy I feel for knowing others enjoy an afternoon Bloody Mary and beer as much as I do. Also, St. Pats is one month from today!

Sneakers.
And now it's time to pack and mail the shirts. I've been ending every post like this lately because that's my life being a t-shirt lady. I don't hate it, in fact I'm very appreciative. So thank you to everyone who supports my t-shirt biz!

And now I'm off to Steamboat! Chris's parents are bringing their 8 week old puppy, Timber, along... so basically it's going to be an awesome trip. Follow on snapchat @thedailytay if you choose. It will probably just be snaps of me cabin drinking and rubbing my face on the puppy. What's not to love?!

Cheaper Than Therapy

Tuesday, February 16, 2016


I spend every Monday night on this stage.

And sometimes it's hard to leave the house on a Monday at 10 p.m. to go host an open mic. Sometimes it's really hard.

For starters, the ratio of men to women is usually 9:1. So there's never a shortage of dick or fart jokes in the room. Some men even just blatantly talk about how they hate women or think we're stupid (not a lot do this, but there are some.) Occasionally people say really shitty things to female hosts that they wouldn't dare say to a male host. But don't worry, I take great pleasure in grabbing the mic after these kind of garbage people and immediately shut them down.

But the good times outweigh the bad and I really enjoy what I get to do. The hardest part is getting there, but once I do, I'm always happy I made it.

The majority of comics that come to the mic that I host are good people. Most of them are new to standup and feel safe trying it out at a theater that is more commonly known for its improv.

My favorite moments of hosting are when I see a comic take the mic for the very first time and quietly announce to the crowd, "so this is my first time doing this..." Their face is full of so much fear and anxiety and hope. And once they settle into their routine and are able to remember the jokes they've written, the look on their face is pure joy.

I love the new college comics who drop by who are just experiencing life how they want for the first time. A lot of them are people who you can tell probably didn't have it very easy in high school, not that anyone did, but these are the ones who you know had it extra rough. You know because they tell you. They talk about the years of torment and always feeling like an outsider, never finding their place to fit in. There's a lot of talk about depression and even thoughts of suicide and the things people do in order to fight their way out.

And as they talk about so many memories that once brought them pain, that they're now able to laugh at, it's as if you can feel the years of sadness being lifted off them. You can see it even.

Those are the moments I enjoy hosting standup.

For the past few weeks we've had several comics come in with disabilities. Some physical, some mental. Last week a guy in a wheelchair told the dirtiest jokes I've probably ever heard, all at his own expense.

A comedian with Asperger's took the stage last night and talked about how he doesn't have social skills and struggles empathizing with people. He wants to relate to people, but it's hard for him. Last night on stage he told us stories about his childhood and how he views things. He allowed us a glimpse into his world for four minutes and by the end even if he couldn't relate to us so well, we all felt like we could relate to him a little better than before.

I like doing comedy because it reminds me of the things that are real in life. It's easy to lose myself in a place of weird posed photos on Instagram, frivolous blog posts, and constantly living behind my screen. I sometimes feel like we're all competing in this bizarre social media race of staging the perfect life because everyone else is so we just follow along, but in comedy there's no such thing as perfection.

I think that's why I like it.

It's refreshing to sit in a dark room and just listen to people talk openly and honestly about the lives they live and what makes them who they are. No one tries to make their lives seems more glamorous than they are, but instead it's just the opposite.

I guess at the end of the day I just like to hear people's stories.

And the moral of this post written at 3 a.m. on a Tuesday morning is that I think everyone should try standup at least once in their lives. Why not, it's cheaper than therapy.



Famous

Monday, February 15, 2016

And now for a post weighing in on a hot topic many people have asked me to discuss.
*correction: no one. no one has asked me to discuss this.




Kanye's new lyrics about Taylor Swift that go a little something like this:

"I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why, I made that bitch famous / God damn / I made that bitch famous."

Okay, but no. I don't even know where to start on this misogynistic bullshit about a man trying to take credit for the career of an insanely successful woman. It's laughable. And perhaps he is joking, but he put the lyrics out there to his millions of fans and that's damaging in itself.

And I was actually starting to like Kanye. I was really trying. I'd never been a fan of his arrogance or the way he treats women, but I think it was Caitlyn Jenner who made me think I should maybe reconsider and not loathe Kanye as much as I did. Jenner said something along the lines of him being very accepting of her transition which made me think perhaps Kanye isn't all terrible after all... I don't remember exactly, the fact I know anything about this family is embarrassing to me.

The point is I was starting to begrudge Kanye less. And then he releases this song "Famous," openly mocking and belittling a woman whom he has already publicly shamed once,  and then he hides behind the the armor of "being an artist" by saying,

“First thing is I’m an artist and as an artist I will express how I feel with no censorship,” he wrote.


Followed by, and this is the line that really gets me,

“2nd thing I asked my wife for her blessings and she was cool with it.”

Really, Kanye? Your wife was cool with it? Kim was cool with you writing a song with questionable lyrics that would inevitably create controversy and draw more media attention toward you? No way.

And speaking of Kanye's family, let's say someday baby North West grows up to have an awesome career. How would he feel then if a man "jokingly" rapped about having sex with her, undermining her success as a woman and what she's worked hard for by adding, "I made that bitch famous."

I'm just tired of it.

And this is what happens to me on Mondays when I've had too much coffee and am stalling other tasks. I get involved in things that rile me up.

Okay, I'm going to go pack t-shirts now. What do you think of all this? I understand Kanye's a good artist, but this was just too much for me.

Weekend Favorites

Saturday, February 13, 2016

It's seven degrees today. Or -4 with windchill. Whatever you prefer.

I will not be leaving the house, no thank you. Instead I'm going to blog, work, pack t-shirts, you know just live that dream life that I'm living!

SLIPPERS.
I'm trying to be responsible and catch up on all work before I leave for Steamboat next week.  Winter ski trips are great. We're leaving the cold for .... more cold. But seriously, I just love cabin drinking. I don't know what it is, there's just something so enjoyable about drinking in the mountains.

But I'm a terrible skier. I usually just tell Chris and his family I'll meet them in the bar. I like to sit at Slope Slide and drink a Bloody while I watch all of the skiers come down the mountain.

The first time I skied with his family I fell off the chair lift at the end and had to army crawl away before the next chair lift hit me in the head. I cried. Several times.

The main point of the Colorado trip is to do wedding stuff. Food tasting. Cake tasting. Ext. So that should be interesting. Chris and I don't really care about cake, so I'm still rooting for a giant chocolate chip cookie cake. I guess we'll see what happens.

I also ordered this game to bring because I am a child and I think it will be a blast. I tried to get it over Christmas but it was sold out everywhere. My mom and I went on a Beanie Baby like hunt in December trying to find it but no such luck.

And now for other random facts I probably don't need to share but am choosing to do so because it's Saturday and that feels like a free day to me.

Watched: Spotlight. 
The story of corruption in the Catholic church. So many feelings about this movie. So many pissed off feelings. Have you seen it? It's just very upsetting to think about how many kids suffered from this.

Let's change the subject before I get snippy.

Eating: Puppy chow. Damn it, mom. Why did you send this to me? I've already eaten three bowls today.

pretty pretty polish. 

Wearing: Pretty rings.
I talk about Rocksbox all of the time because it's truly one of my favorite things. I have no idea what to buy when it comes to jewelry, luckily Rocksbox knows me by now and sends me all my favorite dainty little pieces. Use code:  thedailytayxoxo to get a free month.


Planning for: Scottsdale in a couple of weeks with some of my besties to celebrate my pal, Kate's bachelorette! I haven't been on a bachelorette in ages and I'm so excited to be with my pals! It's hard to go from seeing your friends every day to only once per year.


I  got this new swim suit at Target a few weeks ago to inspire me to eat healthy. So far it hasn't worked.

Also, I'm very tempted to get a random one piece that says Island Vibes or Let's Party or something equally stupid. But I'm not sure I'm cool enough to pull it off.


How does this swimsuit fit people who don't look like models, I wonder? Can't they make it with a little more material?

And finally.

I'm browsing this store for cute baby items for the baby showers I have coming up this spring. NOT FOR ME. For my friends. This is one of my favorite sellers on nebrowse and I definitely suggest you check out all of her very cute stuff.


Back into my writing cave I go. Have a great Saturday! Stay warm, Chicago.

*Comments turned off today. 

7 Photos You'll See On Instagram This Weekend

Friday, February 12, 2016

We're just having fun!

1. The Donuts In My Lap. 

What you want it to say: Look at me eating donuts! Love Saturday! Cheat day! Giggles.

But in reality: You walked to get those donuts with your dog and on the way back he ran into his neighborhood enemy #1, Charles the large Poodle, and he nearly knocked you over when he suddenly pulled at the leash too hard. He spilled your coffee tumbler all over your coat in the process and you screamed DAMN IT HARLOW! And then everyone looked because they think you're a terrible dog mom. But you're not, you're just trying to get some damn donuts to take a damn instagram to show how much you LOVE SATURDAYS.

2. Coffee In Bed Again!




What you want it so say: Look how cozy I am drinking coffee on my clean white blanket. But my funky socks mean I also have a touch of silly! He he. Life is fun and silly.

But in reality: It's 3 p.m. on a Wednesday and you have to take a photo to show off these socks because someone sent them to you and you're like, ya I like socks. And I haven't bought new socks forever because I'm cheap, so sure, send me socks. But now that you have to take this photo you're regretting it and feeling stupid because you don't drink coffee in bed wearing funky socks on a white blanket. No one has time for that shit. But for this photo, you suck it up and pretend that you do. Also, the coffee is five hours old.

3. The Showing Off My Workout Gear.


shoes.
What you want it to say: Ready to have a healthy and happy weekend after this awesome Saturday workout! Look how much I have my life together and am not hungover.

But in reality: you haven't worked out on a Saturday since your mom made you go to her Jazzercise class with her in 1993 because she couldn't find a babysitter. Instead you're just sitting on this rug because you're proud of the new yoga pants you cant wait to wear around your house all day. Also, you're hungover.

4. Cozy and Happy In My White Sweater and Ripped Jeans.


What you want it to say: Your guess is as good as mine here. I don't actually know what was going on. Basically I saw some other fashion blogger take a similar photo and in my head I thought, damn that sweater looks happy. I'm going to reenact it. Another swing and a miss on my end. It happens.

But in reality: NO ONE KNOWS.

5. Look At Me Brunching!


shirt.
What you want it to say: Just another casual weekend morning being a casual gal heading to brunch with a big old grin on my face! Everything about life and brunch is FUN.

But in reality: You made your fiance take this photo and 100 others just like it and got mad at him because he couldn't get the right shot where you didn't have a total darfus look on your face. Also, the owners of the Chinese restaurant in your alley like to watch your brick wall photos and now call you "brick wall girl" when they see you approaching ....

6. Oh hells.


white kicks.
No shame on this pic at all. I just got this shirt in I am super excited about it. It comes in man sizes as well and Chris and I are definitely doing a photo shoot this weekend. He can't wait.

I love it because 1. I'm going to wear it to my Bloody Mary brunch the day after our wedding. And 2. I'm giving it to all of my "old married friends" as well. And my parents. And my grandparents. It's a shirt that everyone can love.

Married Always and Forever. You betcha.

Happy Valentines Day! I'll be liking the hell out of all of your flower pics on Instagram all weekend long! Per the usual, @heleneinbetween is already setting the bar high with this one. I'm not even going to try and compete.

7. FLOWERS!


Dreams Are Made At Dog Bars

Thursday, February 11, 2016


So things got a little hairy yesterday.

It all started with a vodka tour at 2:00 afternoon at CH Distillery. It was a work thing, I swear. Sometimes I really like "my work," I'll admit it. The distillery was gorgeous, the drinks were amazing, and the people were great. A good time was had by all. Local and non-locals, if you're in the area I highly suggest you take this tour.

Expect a full recap in a few days.

For now let's focus on what happened after the tour. It was 4:30, Claire and I were a little buzzed, so we figured what the hell, let's ride this out. We went to my house and grabbed Harlow and decided to have a few drinks at my neighborhood dog bar. It's a real dive. It's always dark, a little bit smelly, and the bathroom graffiti is Pulitzer worthy.

Anyway. One thing led to another and suddenly Harlow is on the bar, strutting his stuff back and forth like he's the cute Russian girl in Coyote Ugly. I think if I would have asked him for water he would have sprayed me with it and then kicked me with his jeweled cowboy boots. Harlow's antics are getting more ridiculous by the day, and I certainly don't help the cause.

At the time, it was hilarious. But looking back, I'm wondering why on earth the owner let this happen. Then again, the owner is almost always drunk. So I assure you, he didn't mind. He loves Harlow.

At this point it's 5:30 p.m., Claire and I have had one too many, and we're having in depth conversations about the indie movie we're going to film this summer in Nebraska, which will obviously get us into Sundance 2017. Maybe 2018? WHY NOT. Dreams are made at dog bars.

We parted ways around 6:00 p.m. and the first thing I did when I walked in my house was heat up a bucket of leftover super bowl dip and bathe myself in it. I can still taste the regret in my mouth today.

It was a random fun Wednesday to say the least.

But now I have to go because I have a screenplay to finish and I think my friend Jimmy John just got here. Byeeeeeeee.


In Response To Judgy Assholes

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

I feel like for the most part I know the people who stop by here every day to read my ramblings. And I think you're good people. You're animals lovers, you can take a joke, and you're not crazy irrational internet readers. I genuinely like you.

So today's post is basically a self indulgent rant aimed at people who won't even read it. I'll make it quick, I promise.

We all have our triggers. Things that we care deeply about that might set us off, in one direction or the other.

Let's talk about Harlow. More specifically Harlow in his booties.


I've been judged online (and in person) for the fact Harlow wears snow boots. These are actually his fancy booties. Some times he just wears his purple rubbers.

A popular Vizsla Instagram page regrammed this photo of Harlow and I had to stop myself from getting into an internet fight with a man who criticized me for putting my dog in "shoes" and for also "raising a dog in Chicago."

He's the authority of where you can raise dogs and clearly I don't meet his expectations.

Internet fights are tempting, aren't they? Every single day I have to fight the angry troll inside of me who so badly wants to speak up and yell back at the ignorant comments I see floating around everywhere. But then I'm no better than they are, so I resist. Instead, I spend about five minutes in my head having a fake argument with these fake people. Sometimes I even write the response, think about it a little more, then always delete. It's not worth it.

And then I write a blog post...

So let me clear this up. I don't make Harlow wear boots because I think it's fun. It's the opposite actually. Getting these orange monsters on his feet is like putting a toddler in ski boots. I've never actually put a toddler in ski boots, but I imagine it's difficult.

And he doesn't wear boots because it's cute. Well let's admit it, he does look pretty stinkin cute, but that's not the reason.



Harlow wears boots and dog-rubbers on his feet because the salt that Chicago puts down in the winter burns his paw pads. It gets in the crevices and it's very painful for him. I know, because he's told me. When I'm being a bad/lazy dog mom and we go out when there's salt on the ground he'll either limp on three legs, alternating between which foot hurts the worst. Or he'll simply say screw it and he won't walk at all.

I've carried him home more than a few times and it's not easy. He is heavy AF. And maybe it's just a ploy on his part to be carried, he's such a diva baby I wouldn't put it past him.

I've met other dog owners who tell me the salt doesn't bother their dogs, so it's different for everyone. I'm quite sure Harlow has a very low pain tolerance since he's never known discomfort in his entire life. He takes after his dad... jk jk, Chris won't read this post for months so it's okay.


So in conclusion, to the man on the internet who is angry Harlow wears boots and lives in a city, please stop being such a judgmental dbag. Yes, I wish I could give Harlow a country life where he could run in open fields as long as he pleases, chasing deer and eating fish straight from a creek, but I can't. So instead I'll do the best I can here. And that means 4 walks a day, 3 dog park visits per day, and snow boots in the winter.

I think if you ask him he'll tell you he's got a pretty good life. But right now he's snoring next to me wrapped in his faux fur white blanket, so I'll have to get back to you.

Let's make an effort to be a little less judgy of each other. We're all just trying our best here.