What Has Changed After Being Married For 7 Months

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

MARRIED AF SHIRTS.

We've officially passed the seven month mark in our marriage. And this is what has changed: nothing.

Well nothing except for the fact I've quit my job so I can be a stay at home dog mom, keep the house clean, and have a warm meal on the table every night when Chris walks in the door from a busy day at work!

Jk. Although now that I think of it, I actually do all of those things (but still have my job) and regularly complain about the loud teenagers on the street and their crazy house music... So maybe I'm more like a 1950s housewife than I thought?

Since Chris and I lived together for about seven years before getting married, I don't think either of us expected anything to change upon getting married. And for the most part, it hasn't. However I will say compared to last year at this time (when we were in the thick of wedding planning) we get along much better.

So. Much. Better.

So let me take this time to issue a PSA and let anyone know who's planning a wedding, that unfortunately it's quite normal to bicker with your significant other more than ever during this time. At least it was for myself and all of my friends who got married last year. Yes, it sucks, but it happens. Chris and I are completely perfect and never fight (wink wink) but man, we were at each other's throats during wedding planning. Two months out it was especially bad and I texted all of my girlfriends who had just gotten married and was like, what is going on here!?! And they all confirmed that the two month mark is hard as hell. Why? No one knows! My guess is because of "contrasting opinions."

Luckily it gets better and is all completely worth it on "the big day."

So here we are, seven months married and the small changes we've seen mostly have to do with other people. More specifically other people asking SO ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE KIDS SOON?

I know this question is perfectly normal and shouldn't bug me, but it does. I can't pinpoint why exactly, but I have to fight the urge not to groan and dramatically roll my eyes every time it gets brought up. I know I sound like an asshole when I say that, but I feel like when I respond "no, not for awhile," I have to immediately explain why.

We really want to travel first. We're just enjoying being married. We really like our dog. Chicago doesn't allow children. It's almost summer. Blah. Blah. Blah.

But then I also feel like an asshole responding "no," because I know a lot of people trying to have kids and are really struggling, so I feel rude just blatantly assuming we could. Does that make sense?

Cleary I have a lot of issues with this question and it's probably just a me-thing. (It usually is.)

Since we're on the subject, here's another thing that bugs me a little (am I an angry housewife or WHAT?) When people need me to give them a report regarding why I didn't change my last name. I was really surprised that in 2017 so many people seem ... unsettled? ... that I chose to keep my last name.

I kept a tally of the Christmas cards we were sent and out of about 45, all but 3 were addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Hillis. Which is fine, writing two names would take longer and no one has time for that during the holidays! Also, I get it. It's the norm, I'm not pretending I don't understand how society works. It doesn't bother me when people call me Mrs. Hillis (Mrs. Chris Hillis is another story, because ... eh.) However I do get annoyed when I have to explain why my name is actually still "Taylor Wolfe."

Because it is my name. That's why. Will it someday be Taylor Hillis legally? Perhaps. I don't rule it out, but for now it's Taylor Wolfe.

This post just took an unexpected turn. I really should plan these out rather than just free writing, especially when I've had about six cups of coffee.

Long story short, seven months in and I'm happy to report married life is good for the Hillis-Wolfe household.

The most noticeable difference is probably that we finally have matching dishes. And fancy pots and pans! Our biggest fight to date as a married couple was when I accidentally scorched one of the new fancy pans for the first time. Don't worry, I figured out how to make it sparkle again, right Chris?

(I bought a new one.)

Happy husband. Happy life.

32 comments:

  1. yes - ALL of this is true. I actually am planning to change my name (and changed it on social media first...) but got lazy post-wedding and still haven't actually done it. So 6 months in and I'm still Haley Lentz. Anyone who has an issue with it can gladly stand in lines at the social security office and dmv on my behalf.

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  2. Love it. I've been married 20 years and haven't worn a wedding ring for 10 years. �� My fingers get claustrophobic. It's a weird thing to explain but whatever. I am curious....is Harlow Wolfe-Hillis or Hillis-Wolfe? Thanks for often making me laugh!

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    1. Harlow's full name is (get ready for this) Harlow Wentworth Jimmer Hillis Wolfe... there's a back story there that's even dumber then the name :P perhaps that's a post idea?

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    2. I think middle names are v.important. Especially multiple middle names. I say, you kids have done well. xxoo

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  3. We've been married over 2 years and still get asked very regularly when we are having children. We were literally getting asked about it on our wedding day... So I just started telling people "We're thinking in about 10 years." In hopes that they'll wait about 10 years to ask me again (didn't work, but the looks I get are fun) Or I just look at my dogs, then back at them quizzically, which results in awkward, awesome silence.

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  4. I agree...nothing really changed for us after getting married, other than I just felt a bit closer to him. It was easy and fun before and it was fun and easy after. I don't understand when people are like "oh my gosh my whole world changed when we got married and now it's SO MUCH BETTER"....I had an ex-friend who said that she learned that her husband was funny after getting married. Which I think is weird that you didn't know the 3 years you were dating...and also I know her husband and he's not funny lol

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  5. You're so funny! And by the way, it's a great thing nothing changed after marriage.

    Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
    http://charmainenyw.com

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  6. Haha - love the kid remark! We were married for 9 years before we had our son. Do enjoy everything and anything you want because kids will wreck and change your life (in good ways and bad, if Im being honest)! Did y'all share money before you got married? That was our biggest change. And lastly, about that scorched pan...next time...leave it hot, pour in pickle juice, take a spatula and "push" the scorchings (so not a fucking word) and boom - like new! ;)

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    1. Note to self on pickle juice... Thanks!!:)

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    2. Total LOL at "so not a fucking word"

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  7. Other good reasons I've actually truly given for not having kids: I'm not interested in giving up drinking, my dog really takes up most of my time actually, i really thought i was too old for that? (i'm 31, snicker)

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  8. This will be our one year anniversary this month. We dated for 17 years before we got married. Nothing has changed and I love it. The best thing was getting to have an amazing bash, with a beautiful dress, and getting to wear the Married AF shirt now. We already have a 7 year old, so people can't bug us about kids. We may have done things a bit backwards, but it was us.

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  9. People are rude & People are nosy. That, is the only explanation for asking such invasive questions. I got it too. I was engaged forever. Once the when are you getting married questions end, the baby questions begin, unless of course they began before that, which as someone who was engaged forever knows, they sometimes do. Nothing changed for us when we got married either. Well except my name & the public perception of our relationship. :o)

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  10. So many things resonate w/me! The last name thing, the kid thing, etc. We don't live together but still cannot wait the almost seven months left til our Wedding. We know it'll be such an "upgrade" to finally be able to be together all the time and share so much more with each other. *Giddy.*

    But we won't want kids for a few years mainly for the reasons you gave: We want to travel, and also get to enjoy e/o before kids enter the picture, stock away some $$ from our jobs, etc. That way, kids arrive when we're ready..because unlike most Catholics out there, we believe that one CAN and SHOULD be ready for kids in as many aspects as possible. *Venting.*

    As for my last name, I'll be legally hyphenating them–it resembles what's common in my culture and I love my dad and his last name that's been w/me for almost three decades, so why not.. I won't mind being Mrs.fiancelastname (it'd easier for people anyways), but I like my way a lot more ;).

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  11. Ugh that kid question. I drives me nuts. We've been married for 5 years in a couple weeks and we've been getting the kid question from day one. I've even been told what am I waiting for that it's about time and why did I get married if I was going to wait so long to have kids. Sometimes I wish slapping people was an acceptable thing to do.

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  12. YES. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years, and just about once a week since month #1 of dating, someone always feels the need to ask "Sooo when ya getting married? Having kids soon?" It's as if some people assume these are prerequisites for a successful relationship even though they aren't "right" for everyone. Thanks for another great read :)

    Allie | www.lunavidablog.com

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  13. Love this! The husband and I have been married for 5 years this June and we get the kid question ALL THE TIME. Most people don't know we've been trying for over 2 years, gone through fertility treatments, etc. and it's STILL not happening. So when they ask I want to throat punch them and cry for myself at the same time. Not positive when it became socially acceptable to ask such personal questions with complete disregard for the fact that I might not want to tell you what the F I have planned in my life in the first place. Keep your middle finger up & whatever last name you please! :)

    xox,
    Kristin
    http://www.amidwesternmix.com

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  14. "Chicago doesn't allow children." made me laugh...hard. Also, I'm single at the moment, but I'm very attached to my last name (my nickname is AA, my blog name is AA, MY WHOLE IDENTITY IS DOUBLE A!) and I don't know that I'd change it, either. I mean, unless the dude's last name was like, Anderson.

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  15. Am I surprised that nothing has changed in seven months, no not at all, some people expect a lot of changes after they marry and in days gone by that might have been the case but not so much now days, most of us know the person we marry pretty well.

    Leo is here and he is acting insane

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  16. YES to all of this. We are approaching seven months of marriage as well and I fully relate to everything in this post. Most people are cool with the last name thing, but I am about to get business cards that say "not pregnant, so you can stop looking at my stomach every time you see me," to hand out to people.

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  17. Been married 8 months and AMEN to everything. Kept my last name -- may change it one day (if I ever find my SS card and make my way down to the Soc Sec Office), may not! Also 2 people (including one I hadn't seen since I was ten) asked me about kids the morning after my wedding. Everybody needs to back the hell off and let us be married (and enjoy not wedding planning) for a hot minute.

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  18. I didn't change my name either. And 32 years later, there are STILL people who don't get it. (Heavy sigh.)

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  19. My aunt has the best response ever to the kid question. When asked when she's having kids, she smiles and says how much money do you make? Just to put things right into perspective :)

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  20. We waited five years to have kids and the question never stops. And once you have kids, they ask when you'll have another. People are just ridiculously nosy though I do have to remind myself not to ask people questions like that!

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  21. I'm getting married in two months, and while my fiance and I haven't fought about the wedding at all, I did just wake up the other day all freaked out about changin my last name. I've been all for it my entire life and it was like waking in a cold sweat b/c IO had a dream I lost part of me....it was weird...anyway, you do you girl! Besides why can't Chris be Mr. Taylor Wolfe?

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  22. I've been married for 2.5 years and didn't change my name. At first it bothered my husband but now he is over it. I don't really have a good reason for not changing it, except that I like my name and don't particularly feel the need to take his. It's annoying that I have to explain why to people, but at the same time, I don't get bothered when people call me Mr. Lema or refer to us as the Lemas. I always said when we do have kids I'd probably change my name we all match but I'm not sure I'm up for the work it will take, lol. We do have 2 dogs, 1 pre marriage and one after marriage. Skotty Howell-Lema and Tessa Marie Lema. I think they are jealous they don't have the same last names :(

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  23. ok i am not even married (together 4 years) and i get asked when i am having kids. i think that society truly needs to stop asking that question, for a few reasons. 1. it assumes you want them (not everyone does, and that is okay, and you shouldn't have to explain your reasoning to everyone who feels nosy about your plans). 2. it assumes you aren't trying, and maybe you are and not successful 3. it's rude. i don't think you need to feel rude for your answer - they need to feel rude for their question.

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  24. Ha, I didn't change my last name. We're about to celebrate 3 years of marriage, and basically I judge anyone who still sends mail to Brita Fleck. Nope. And people get really upset when I express my feelings about other people not respecting my last name. Keep in mind, I've been correcting the pronunciation of my first name since I came out of the womb, and NO ONE has ever had an issue with me doing that. But now that I correct people on my last name, I'm a terribly rude person? Explain this to me.

    Also, my all-time most popular blog post is a satirical piece called "My Husband Didn't Take My Last Name." I can share the link if you're interested.

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  27. The name thing!! My mom and grandma had a literal breakdown about me not changing my name. My mother's attempt at convincing me to change it was "people at your kid's basketball game won't know which kid is your's!"

    Side note: I just found your blog and am from Lincoln, NE (now in Kansas City) and I love it! Keep doing what your doing!

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