Five Times I Was A Crazy Ass Bride

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

First things first, I got a wild idea last night and decided to launch a "surprise sale," today only where you'll get 20% off your entire order using the code "SURPRISESALE." If know you me, you know I never do sales (Cyber Monday 2016 was my first time) and this is my second time. So jump on it, if there's a shirt you've been eyeing for awhile.

The idea for the sale came to me since it's wedding season right now and I find myself working with a lot of brides. I kind of stumbled into the "wedding market" if you will, and it's been an interesting endeavor to say the least. 98% of the brides I work with are great. However 2% are not so great. They want their shirts yesterday, delivered to their bridal suite, and personalized with their new last name. In diamond (real diamonds.) That are canary yellow.

I emphasize with them to a certain degree because even though I like to pretend I was a chill bride 24/7, I was not. I had my moments when I couldn't keep the crazy on lock down. And those moments always seemed to sneak up on me and surprise me that I even cared. Yet I did. I cared a lot. Let's take a look at a few!

Don't let the smile fool you. It's just a bowl full of crazy going on in that noggin.

#1. The Flower Girl dresses.

"What kind of dresses would you like Lola and Finley to wear?" my sister, the MOH, casually asked during wedding planning.

"That's up to you. I really don't care at all," I said, playing the "chill bride" role very well.

And so a week later my sister sent me three options. Two I liked, one I did not. "Both are great, I just don't love #2!" I responded.

A few days later she called me triumphantly to say the dresses had been ordered. She went with option two!

"You're kidding, right?" I said.

"No..... why?"

"Because I said option two is the one I DID NOT LIKE."

"Oh shoot, I'm so sorry, I must have gotten mixed up. I thought that was the one you did."

For those of you who know my family, you know that my sister is the nice one. She is the caretaker, the courteous one, the sister who will do anything for someone else. I am not. I'm the "outspoken" one. Or the "mean one." So I know this wasn't done maliciously, it was an accident.

So what did I do? I took it like an adult and said, "it's fine."

Or did I hang up the phone and immediately start crying and freak out that "NO ONE LISTENS TO ME AND THIS WEDDING IS RUINED."

I had a full blown, bat shit crazy bride meltdown in the privacy of my home last spring over CHILDRENS DRESSES. Can you believe this? I still can't. Even as I was going crazy I knew it was crazy, but that didn't stop the crazy. The crazy just kept pouring out of me.

And then it happened again. In public.
(also new flower girl dresses were ordered.)

#2. My Bachelorette Pin.
The Sandys (my mom and her friend, Sandy) and my sister met me at Midway airport last year en route to my bachelorette in Austin.

I was waiting for them outside of Harry Caray's, when they all showed up wearing giant pins of my teenage face. In a single instant a wave of humiliation and embarrassment flooded over me and I became that insecure teenager on the pin, way too worried about what others may think.

"What is that? Take that off now. I'm not kidding, please take that off," I demanded.

My mom was clearly shocked at my response to her fun gesture. And why shouldn't she be? She's seen my improv on stage, my standup, my insta-videos, all times where I willingly make an ass of myself in front of a lot of people, just for a chuckle. And yet I'm embarrassed of an old pic?

It made no sense to anyone, myself included. Luckily, it only lasted about five minutes and I immediately apologized, recognized my odd behavior, and demanded the pins were worn the rest of the weekend.

I've tried to "shrink" myself and figure out why I went crazy in both of those situations and I still can't figure it out. Emotions? Stress? Insecurities? All of the above probably. Planning a wedding can make one go crazy if you're not careful.

I've got 3 more fun times I went nuts (one is regarding welcome bags, duh!) but this has gotten too long and Har is demanding a walk, so I'll have to continue part two tomorrow. In the meantime, head to my shop and stock up on the sale!


  1. My friends just sent me their wedding invite and now I know what I'm getting themmmm!!!

  2. Just ordered a "Just wanna hang with my dog" shirt, I'm so excited to get it!

  3. Haven't been to a wedding in years but wouldn't mind going to one if only someone in the family would get married except Tasha she is with a man I would not like to see her marry

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  5. When I give people wedding advice I say: Don't do welcome bags. So excessive and oddly stressful.

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