That Summertime Sadness

Monday, August 28, 2017


At the start of summer I'm like a sixteen year old who just got my driver's license and is discovering freedom for the first time.

I make lists of all the things I'm going to see and do for the next three months. I wake up early and I stay up late. I'm overcome with immense guilt if I'm not doing everything in my power to soak up as much sunshine and outdoor air as possible. Time is wasting. Go. Go. Go.

Do all the things. Drink all the things. Patios. Boats. Rooftops. Festivals. Must. Keep. Going.

And then fast forward to the end of August. I still don't want to summer to end and I'm definitely going to mope about it, but that young sixteen year old in me is long gone. Now I feel more like an 80 year old woman with sore old bones, who asks to be wheeled near the window, "to feel the sun on my face. If only just for a moment."

I don't know how to process what I'm feeling right now, but I'm somewhere in between not wanting summer to end, but also being over the feeling of thinking I need to be outside for every single second. Couch is calling. So is my old pal, isolation.

I'm more social than ever in the summer (which means I leave the house during the day at least twice a week to have interact with friends) and the 80 year old hermit inside of me is starting to beckon me back to her. Our hermit season is coming, Taylor.... Get out those old grey sweatpants you love. You know the ones. No, not the fancy ones from Nordstrom you pretend to love, I'm talking about those oversized grey ones with panther paws on the butt. The ones only we see...

And yet there's that list I made so long ago, back when I was more youthful and so full of optimistic energy (in May.) When I look at my summer list and note the things I haven't done yet, that old guilt cloud moves in, and with it the age old questions of,

Where did this summer go? It went too fast. What did we do? Were we gone too much? Did we waste it? How did this happen?

And for me the answer is no, I didn't waste it. We had a great summer, I just didn't live it off a list. And some of the things I set out to do back in May, (when I'm really being honest with myself) I'm not really even sure I want to do, but I wrote them down because I think I should do them.

*Kayak down the river*

Really? The garbage infested river where huge tour boats might run you over or even worse, bros in battery operated boats wearing neon visors? You want to do that?

Maybe I don't.

And maybe I don't know where this post is going, either. Does anyone know what feeling I'm talking about here?

The changing of seasons always seems to mess with my head. It's like time is staring you straight in the face saying, we're ready to move on, are you? 

Time: "u up?"
Me:  ... (doesn't respond.)

Yes, I'm up. Now wheel me near the window. We've still got at least a month of nice weather ahead of us. So I guess I should probably make my "Things To Do In Fall" list now, because as it turns out, I never really learn.

First things first, kayak down the river! I heard it's supposed to be great in the fall!


26 comments:

  1. I totally understand what you're saying!!

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  2. I'm totally with you! In May I'm like a real housewife ready to "whoop it up" but now? I'm more "uh, can we make a plan to NOT have plans?!" I think the only bummer about Fall is that Winter follows. And Winter is the worst (obvs).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
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  3. I wish summer never ended. Winter always gets me down for some reason, and it's not even cold during winter here in Hong Kong!

    Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
    http://charmainenyw.com

    ReplyDelete
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  5. I could have written this post myself. You have definitely captured that "end of summer" weird feeling, where I'm sick to my stomach that it's over, but at the same time, kind of glad and anxious for fall. I've done a lot this summer, but still that part of me feels like I haven't soaked it up enough. Such a frigging weird time of year.

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  6. MAN, I'm not ready for summer to be over. I love fall like the (fake) basic bitch I am, but seriously, I love summer. Granted it'll be hot as hades here for at LEAST another month, but college football is starting ... i bought oktoberfest last week .... STOPPPPP. MUST BEACH MORE....

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm not ready for summer to end at all. Winters in NY suck and I really can't stand snow. I love everything about summer and I get the little kid excitement about it too!

    ReplyDelete
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  9. Why could my Husband not be loyal to me, respect me as his wife, love me and only me without breaking our marriage vows? My Husband’s behaviors caused me to think maybe we were not meant to be together. It hurts to the bone when your life partner turns against you, making you sad instead of being your motivator, always engaging you in constant argument and confusion with the kids. The worst is him being unfaithful, seeing other women is like stabbing you in the back. My better half caused me so much pain for over 2years and 4months, we reassembly separated like 6weeks because his continuous reckless behavior became unbearable. I searched for permanent solution to get him back to us both physical and spiritual throughout the entire 6weeks. I was lucky to have Dr. Wakina (dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com) handle my case after reading alot of his spell stories. “Can you help me get my Husband back” was the request I made and the rest is history. My marital home is even better since the love spell changed and brought back my Husband. Dr. Wakina made me believe in second chance.

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  10. My love life has changed for better since the interference of the most powerful spell caster on earth called Dr.Obasi in my relationship, My testimony today is in regard of the help that Dr.Obasi render me when my lover departed from me. My name is Kelvin Brain from Dubai and it gives me joy today in writing this testimony as a way of showing my appreciation to Dr.Obasi and at the same time am using this opportunity to advise those that are finding stress and pains in their relationship or marriages to contact Dr.Obasi who is the best spell caster in the world through these contact him through is via obasispelltemple@gmail.com or call +2348145643630 Because Dr.Obasi is the only one that can restore your marriage or relationship with love. He can also help to win lottery spell.

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  11. Hi everyone! I'm so excited, I've gotten back with my ex boyfriend after he break up with me and left me for another girl he meant on social media, Thanks to Dr.Unity the best spell caster online for restored my broken relationship and i highly recommends Dr.Unity to anyone in need of help!.. Me and boyfriend have been together for 3 years, recently i found out my boyfriend was having an affair with another Girl, when i confronted him, it led to quarrels and he finally broke up with me, i tried all i could to get him back but all to no avail until i saw a post in a relationship forum about a spell caster who helps people get back their lost love through Love spell, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this spell via his email, and he told me what to do and i did it, Then he did a {urgent Love spell} for me. 28 hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr.Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity is a real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back, or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,Danele Louw from Washington.

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  12. With great respect and honor to a real spell caster Dr Obasi who restored back my husband after a fight with him i contact him for a love spell and he cast it for me with-in the rang of 48 hours, and my husband was back home all thanks to him please my advise is for you all who have the same problem to contact him via obasispelltemple@gmail.com or call +2348145643630
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  13. Effective Love Spell To Get Back Your Ex Within 48 Hours: Fast And Read Through Dr. Trust Website Now. http://utimatespellcaster.com

    Hi everyone, I was going crazy when my husband breakup with me and left me for another woman!! All thanks to Dr Trust the best love spell caster online that helped me to bring back my husband today and restore happiness in my marriage.. My husband breakup with me and left me to be with another woman, and i wanted him back. I was so frustrated and i could not know what next to do again, I love my husband so much but he was cheating on me with another woman and this makes him break up with me so that he can be able to get married to the other lady and this lady i think use witchcraft on my husband to make him hate me and my kids and this was so critical and uncalled-for, I cry all day and night for God to send me a helper to get back my husband!! I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Trust can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 48 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me so much, Oh My God! i was so happy, and today i am happy with my man again and we are joyfully living together as one big family and i thank the powerful spell caster Dr.Trust, he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Trust is best and good spell caster online. if you are here and your lover is turning you down, or your husband or wife moved to another person, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster Dr.Trust on his email at:

    Read more review on his website: http://utimatespellcaster.com

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    Whats-app: or call: +2348156885231

    ReplyDelete
  14. My husband left 2 months ago. A week after he left I found out he was dating someone who posted a picture of him kissing her in fb and that she “loves this man”. I am sick to my stomach. I want him back I do not want to be apart much less separated or divorced. I love my husband and I want to fight for him. I’m so scared of losing him. i knew my husband and i also know that some thing else was involve on this when i found out that this woman use a magic spell on my husband just to take him away from me, i was so devastating this as a result also destroyed my heart and soul coz i love my husband and i really want to get back with him i have seek for different counselling, nor could work out for me so i started given up on my husband coz there was no hope on getting back with him. one faithful night after my work, i got home trying to search for a friend on my of facebook, i come across a love page on how to get ex back, fix your broken marriage and stop divorced i was so happy when i found out some wonderful comment and testimony of a real spell caster who has help a lot of people to get their husband back so i order for an urgent love spell to get my husband, i contacted him via.. happylovespell2@gmail.com i did all he ask of me 2 days after the spell my husband show up at my office begging me to forgive him. i never believed i could have my husband back again we live happily now he show me love, care, also promise not to leave me again all thanks to Dr happy a real truthful spell caster plz if you have any problem similar to my do not hesitate to contact him http://happylovespell2.webs.com/ for more details email.....happylovespell2@gmail.com or add him on whats-app +2348133873774

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  15. Glorious be unto happy love spell the man who make me see reasons that there are still real and genuine spell caster like him. since 3 weeks now i have witness what is called heart broken. my boyfriend that promised me marriage failed me and impregnate me and leave,he dump me,he stop calling" he stop picking my calls,and he no longer respond to me. I have be looking for solution,I fall into the hands of fake spell caster,they rough me off and took my money without help.I have cried,I have weep"and tears runs out of eyes. the silentness in my heart brought me to the deepest path of failure that I lost my job. crying all day,because my life was lonely. so thanks to Dr happy who came into my life and brought me the greatest joy that was lost. i saw his web on http://happylovespell2.webs.com/ while browsing and I contacted him, tell him what am passing through with no doubt because of what i saw about him,was enough to believe. and i was given words of solution on what to do. i can't really help thinking about it i have tried to see what i can do, i manage to provide him half of the money for the spell, and he help me with the rest. after casting the spell, 12hrs later, here comes my bf with a rose flower on his hand and i was even about going out,i saw him in front of my door when he sees me he knee and said he is dying i should forgive him and accept him back he was crying,i can't wait to let him finish I quickly crab him and kiss him, just then" he said he is restless without me, just as the Dr happy said it will be. he brought out a ring and put it on my hand. our wedding day was scheduled,1 week after we got married. today makes it a month and we are living happily I don't know how to praise him enough, he has done me a thing i can never forget in my life. and i can't really share to myself alone, I want you all to help me praise him because if it wasn't for him, i already plan of committing suicide. but right now am now so happy more than i was before. if you fine it difficult to get your ex boyfriend back, contact him via..... email happylovespell2@gmail.com also make a view at his web site: http://happylovespell2.webs.com/ or add him on whats-app +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hello Every One
    I'm from United States of America , I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line. i will never forget the help Dr Iyaryi render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the Dr Iyaryi help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email driayaryi2012@hotmail.com of Dr Iyaryi i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 12 hours he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to Dr Iyaryi anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Dr Iyaryi a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via email. driayaryi2012@hotmail.com And also Reach him on WhatsApp Number: +2349057915709 Thanks Dr. IyaryI

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  17. Dr. Todd, After a long and painful (physically, mentally and emotionally) relationship and then break-up with my ex he continued to haunt me, continued to stalk me in my quest for a new life… even though he had a new woman to torture. I tried the police, they couldn’t keep him away. I turned to friends for protection and they couldn’t help me. I moved, he found me. I had no way out. You were my last resort to make him see and to be done with me and his cruel ways. The stories I have heard of what have happened to him I will no repeat but some have been horrific. He has since left me alone since he now has his own problems to deal with. I have been able to have a life my life without always looking over my shoulder thanks to you. Thank you for giving me my life back. E-mail: manifestspellcast@gmail.com or manifestspellcast@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. Glorious be unto happy love spell the man who make me see reasons that there are still real and genuine spell casters like him. since 3 weeks now i have witness what is called heart broken. my boyfriend that promised me marriage failed me and impregnate me and leave,he dump me,he stop calling" he stop picking my calls,and he no longer respond to me. I have be looking for solution,I fall into the hands of fake spell caster,they rough me off and took my money without help.I have cried,I have weep"and tears runs out of eyes. the silentness in my heart brought me to the deepest path of failure that I lost my job. crying all day,because my life was lonely. so thanks to Dr happy who came into my life and brought me the greatest joy that was lost. i saw his web on happylovespell2@gmail.com while browsing and I contacted him, tell him what am passing through with no doubt because of what i saw about him,was enough to believe. and i was given words of solution on what to do. i can't really help thinking about it i have tried to see what i can do, i manage to provide him half of the money for the spell, and he help me with the rest. after casting the spell, 12hrs later, here comes my boyfriend with a rose flower on his hand and i was even about going out,i saw him in front of my door when he sees me he knee and said he is dying i should forgive him and accept him back he was crying,i can't wait to let him finish I quickly crab him and kiss him, just then" he said he is restless without me, just as the Dr happy said it will be. he brought out a ring and put it on my hand. our wedding day was scheduled,1 week after we got married. today makes it a month and we are living happily I don't know how to praise him enough, he has done me a thing i can never forget in my life. and i can't really share to myself alone, I want you all to help me praise him because if it wasn't for him, i already plan of committing suicide. but right now am now so happy more than i was before. if you fine it difficult to get your ex boyfriend back, contact him via..... email happylovespell2@gmail.com also add him on whats-app +2348133873774

    ReplyDelete
  19. I am very happy today with my family. My name is SELMA NEVA living in the USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Jude a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. I and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email Allispellhelp1@gmail.com… Now i will advise any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without stress. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (Allispellhelp1@gmail.com) or contact him on his WhatsApp mobile line +2348100772528

    ReplyDelete
  20. PROPHET EFE Saved My Marriage"Contact: efepowerfultemple@gmail.com for Urgent Love Spell To Get Your Ex Lover Back Fast, VERY POWERFUL:100% GUARANTEED RESULTS!

    My Wife left me in February and wasn't coming back. No need for anonymity, I am a firm believer in your spell and it saved my marriage. I'm so excited to share this testimony about how i got my wife back(Michelle)after she left me and our 2 kids for another Man. I am Anderson from United States). After 6 years of marriage, me and my wife(Michelle) has been into one quarrel or the other until she finally left me and moved to California to be with another man. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their mother again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my wife-Michelle). Every day and night i think of her and always wish she would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Prophet Efe of ( efepowerfultemple@gmail.com) can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it, Then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my Wife really called me and told me that she miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,
    Thanks to Prophet efe for bringing back my wife and brought great joy to me and my family today!. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your wife moved to another man, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: efepowerfultemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2347081602438.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Get Back With Your Ex Now Urgent Spell Caster Online That Guarantee And Work Fast marriage problem, am missy stone from atlanta georgia usa my husband and i were happily married for 3 years. and i caught him cheating with another woman for over 2 months. i was devastated. and I was in such a mental condition, that I called his parents up and said everything. I pleaded him and asked him what went wrong in our marriage. but he denied to tell me anything. he said he want a divorce. and his new gf called me up each day and abused me verbally. i was trying to move on. but the love i have for him was too much. i was frustrated. looking for help to get my husband back one day looking on my internet i come across a product of a page and graphic of love spell on how to get ex back,stop your husband for cheating, restored broken marriage and stop divorced also get your wife back. so i have no choice coz i love my husband and i want him back from that woman i directly give a contact on this product graphic page, and to the promise of it,after the love spell my husband call me,text me and i I replied him as I would never accept him. but he continues begging seeking for apology. for what he did to me, meanwhile my husband sends me friend requests on Facebook… and calls me up the other day.and i respond to him, with this i was so very happy that my husband really change for the bad he was to see me back as his only one lovely wife so that is how i gave him another chance? all thanks to this product page and graphic love spell coz it really help and work for me i promise to keep sharing his page if you have any similar problem as my, have a hard time of getting your husband back, ex bf back, save your marriage, i will advise you to try this same, on Dr happy product page and graphic love spell directly on his email happylovespell2@gmail.com also add him on whats-app +2348133873774

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  22. Hi everyone,
    Real & Powerful Love spell caster to get your Ex lover back fast online.
    I'm so excited.
    My ex-boyfriend is back after a breakup,I’m extremely happy that will are living together again.
    My name is Silvia Soulez
    My boyfriend of a 4yr just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant.I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again.Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes ,my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time.Generally he is a very nice guy ,he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along.He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change.I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with.I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe.He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy,he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Goodluck can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 17 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr.Goodluck. If you have any problem contact Dr.Goodluck now and i guarantee you that he will help you.Email him at: goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com
    Call or Whats-app him: +2348138654465
    or on his website. http://lovereunitingspell.webs.com

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