For a lot of people this has been a pretty great week on account of the fact the government finally decided to put on its big boy pants and reopen its doors as of yesterday morning. However, not everyone is happy about the shutdown coming to a close. Which brings me to today’s post, The Daily Tay’s Worst Week Ever: Shutdown Edition.
First and foremost, I’ve got a pretty good feeling Bears are pissed off about this. Why you ask? It’s pretty simple really, the National Parks are back open which means the two week bender the bears have been enjoying is officially over. Toss the beers and hide the doobies Yogi, the parents are back in town!
Speaking of bears, it was a sad day yesterday when Mei Xiang had to break the news to her cub that their every move at the Smithsonian National Zoo was about to be back on camera, blasted for all to see, thanks to the return of the Panda Cam. “I didn’t sign on for this,” said Xiang, “what kind of people just like to sit around all day and watch two strangers they don’t know interact with each other, anyway?” Errrrr…. -said everyone in America.
I’ve also got wind that Satan is pretty damn upset. Turns out since the government reopened he had to let go of almost half of the temp workers that showed up two weeks ago since the DMVs are officially back open.
Five-year-olds are mad as hell the government funded preschools are back open and they can no longer spend their days leisurely watching Sesame Street and eating Cheerios and instead have to return to the daily grind of block building and alphabet reports. “Screw the G.O.V.” said one angry toddler as he took a drag from his pacifier and sipped on a bottle wrapped in a brown bag.
The only group that I’ve heard is actually kind of happy about the government reopening would be scientists in the South Pole, because now they can get back to proving that their is indeed a South Pole. “Good luck,”said Santa.
According to the NY Times, those arriving at the Environmental Protection Agency headquarters in Washington were met by none other than Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr., being boisterous, as usual. “I brought some muffins!” Mr. Biden said as he arrived at the security desk, greeting employees with handshakes and hugs.
Then again, it’s been rumored Biden didn’t even realize a shutdown was going on. Or that he even works for the government. But none of that matters because HE BROUGHT MUFFINS! And muffins make everything better.
And on that note, I need to head Dunkin. Take a breath, drink your coffee, and simply enjoy the day because it’s finally Friday! Make it a good one.