LinkedIn Suggests You Congratulate Taylor

I’m not sure about you, but one of the highlights of my day is the email I get from LinkedIn reminding me to congratulate others on their professional accomplishments and achievements. I get a real tickle watching everyone else progress in professional adult life so nicely with their promotions and new jobs. Just a real tickle.

I know LinkedIn doesn’t mean to be rude, but they’ve forgotten to remind everyone of my accomplishments, as well. I know because I’ve anxiously been waiting to one day see my name pop up in an email from LinkedIn. Yet it’s never happened.

But if it did happen, it would go something like this.

LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor on her newest accomplishment. On Monday evening she did a tap dance number on stage entitled “Pizza Guys” while holding and swirling an old pizza box with leftover crumbs still inside. She was only a backup dancer, but she nailed those damn time-steps. And she didn’t fall off the stage. The following night she played a talking old cockroach who got into a fight with his wife.

LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because she ate a very large portion of cheese dip late last evening before looking at the lid and realizing there was mold on it. She took it like a champ and simply threw the remainder of the dip away and she is yet to get sick from it.

LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because she took a big step forward in appreciating her own life and officially stopped following Kendall Jenner on Instagram. It was only making her feel bad about her own lack of Range Rovers and non-existent majestic shiny dark hair. She also realized it’s simply not healthy to have a fascination with an eighteen year old girl, no matter how rich or famous or stupidly gorgeous she is.

LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because after nearly two years of never being able to find more than one oddly colored pink hair-tie, she finally took the plunge and purchased an entire new pack from Walgreens this week! It’s a big purchase, but she is feeling really good about it and the opportunities that might come from it.

LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because she hasn’t tweeted @ComcastMike in almost 12 minutes. That’s pretty good for her. If you follow her on Twitter you might have seen some of her crazy Comcast Tweets, she makes no apologies. She also hasn’t called Comcast yet to discuss the charges that she’s been told NINE times will be dropped, literally nine, and she’s really trying hard to hold off until next week when she’ll inevitably have to call again and have the same conversation she’s been having three times a week for five weeks now. Also, she’s only cried because of Comast once this week.

LinkedIn suggests you congratulate Taylor because she just took one big step toward professional blogger level and bought herself a fancy new At-A-Glance planner from Office Max this morning. Initially she picked it up because she thought it was only $6.99, so when it rang up for $14.00 she was faced with a very tough decision. She considered putting it back and even stepped away from the register, but then she thought, “No, I deserve this. You gotta live a little, right?” She’s not sure what she’s going to put in the planner but she is certain big things will come from it. (There’s a “pin it” button on the photo in case you want to save it to your “Dream Planner” board or something, just an FYI.)

And that’s just a few reasons why LinkedIn should be encouraging others to congratulate me. But it’s not like I need reinforcement from anyone, when you’re nailing life you just know, you know?

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