I’m reading this book for about the third time now. It just gets better and better to me. Allie Brosh is simply wonderful. I just wish she’d post more often on her blog. – says everyone.
And now a post completely inspired by Brosh’s letters to her younger self.
Don’t eat the fish hook with the pretty sparkly fake worm on the end. It’s not a gummy worm. And I’m pretty sure you know it’s not a gummy worm but you’re just feeling mischievous and think it could be a fun prank.
It won’t be fun for anyone. You’ll end up in a veterinarians office in Podunk, Minnesota hopped up on animal pain killers while the vet removes the pierced hook out of your lip.
Don’t be scared to be an actress because you think it entails getting shrunk in size in order to live in a small box (a VHS) while having to act out the movie every time someone presses play. That’s not how that works.
Likewise, stop forcing small Play-Doh balls into the holes you see in the phone. The person you are talking to on the other end is not receiving them. Also sorry mom, that’s why the kitchen phone always sounded so muffled. It was full of Play-Doh.
There’s no letter in the alphabet known as “mennow.”It’s actually M, N, then O. This concept is difficult, but work it out. It’s three separate letters. You can do this.
Stop begging mom to take you to those talent searches you hear about on the radio. You’re a little hard on the eyes right now and your talent is a little hard on the talent … “right now.”
Your big break will come… It’s called the All City 6th Grade Track Meet. Those 15 other competitors won’t even know what hit them! Except they will, because you’ll remind them of it often for the next 5 + years in school.
Stop shaving your eyebrows. I know having the “prettiest” thinnest eyebrows ever seems very exotic, but your eyebrows are already such a wreck no one can seem them anyway.
On second thought, keep shaving them. Let’s see how this one plays out.
No, you’re not right all of the time. You’re pretty much just terrible all of the time.
XOXO- Norfolk, Nebraska.
But go ahead and change your name to Paris Taylor, it sounds super cool.
Please stop wasting so much time. It’s ticking away faster and faster….You need to start making some moves if you’d like to be somebody someday. You also need to stop googling Lena Dunham and Kendall Jenner all the time. This is not helping your future any.