15 Things My Mom Has Taught Me

Isn’t it funny how moms teach us/embed things in our head we never forget? No matter how hard we try sometimes, the lessons can’t be unlearned.

I was thinking about this the other day while I was at Trader Joe’s. They had this nice container of fresh cut fruit I really wanted. Fresh cantaloupe, melon, strawberries, ext. It was a good looking fruit salad. I wanted it so bad. But I knew better. I knew that I should buy the whole fruit and cut it myself because you get more bang for your buck that way. Buying pre cut fruit from a grocery store is like giving your money away, everybody knows that.

So what did I do? I didn’t buy any fruit.

But I didn’t think twice about buying flowers.

My mom won’t spend $5 on cut fruit, but she’ll walk into any garden store and drop whatever the hell she pleases on 100 new plants and flowers for the backyard without batting an eye. We all have our things I guess. Unfortunately, our mothers often instill “their things” so they become “our things.”

Let’s take a look at a few more of my mom’s “things.”

The pretty towels hung in the bathroom with a matching hand towel over the top? Don’t even think about using them. There’s ugly towels in the linen closet. The pretty towels are only for fancy guests who don’t know any better.

Speaking of bathrooms, if you have to go #2 you better go upstairs. Only guests get to go #2 in the downstairs bathroom. It’s been slightly harder for me to implement this rule at my place since we only have one bathroom. Instead I make Chris go outside when we have people over.

Never leave for vacation with a messy house.

Sleep is for the birds. (I didn’t inherit this trait, I wish I had. My mom runs on 3 hours of sleep. I run on 15.)

Don’t use fat free cream cheese when cooking appetizers for parties. People at parties want the real stuff.

The world is your junk drawer. (Especially before you host a party.)

When you host a party, go all out or go home. It’s either silver platters or don’t even bother.

Don’t ever get rid of anything! Just continue to take over every other closet in the house. And basement. And garage. Then rent a storage unit.

If there’s a committee, join it. (Again, another trait I didn’t inherit. My mom is a part of 100 different things at any time. The thought of socializing with that many other people makes me itch. So I join none.)

If you don’t replace the toilet paper roll when it’s empty you might as well go live outside, because you’re clearly a wild animal.

If you ever lose anything just pray to St. Anthony and he’ll help you find it. (This is a weird catholic thing I just can’t shake.)

Diets are for tomorrow.

Trends are temporary, gold rope necklaces are eternal. 

If you want something, go get it. If someone’s standing in your way, ask them to move. (But be polite about it, you might be on a committee with them.)

My mom has taught me a lot over the years. But most importantly I’ve learned to be who I want, do what I want, and for God’s sake don’t leave the house with unpainted toe nails!

Moms are great. We should celebrate them more often. What did your mom instill in you?