Dear Moms Who Get Mad When I Call My Dog My Baby

Dear Moms Who Get Offended When I Call My Dog My Child, (or more specifically dear this mom.)

First of all, I guess I’m sorry it offends you when I call my dog my child. I had no idea you even cared. I certainly don’t mind when you call your human children dogs. Or peanut. Or monkey. Or duck. Or whatever it is you like to call your kids. I always find it quite cute. Ducks on the other hand, well they might be pissed. You probably want to talk to them first, you know, to make sure you’re not offending them.

As you said, “dogs ain’t people.” I guess I didn’t realize in order to call something your baby or child they had to be people. Then again, I also didn’t realize people are still using the word “ain’t” so what do I know?

You are correct in pointing out that I didn’t carry my dog for nine months in my womb. That’s just silly. And it’s taking away from Harlow’s sweet biological mom, Big Nosed Kate. And I didn’t have to go through a year long grueling adoption process. But here’s the thing, and go with me here because this might sound completely crazy, but I’ve heard there are other ways to become parents other than just the two options you mentioned. Mind blowing, right? And from what I’ve seen, the people that become parents the “non traditional way” usually seem to love their children just as much.

You’re right, my dog can’t draw me pictures with hearts on them. And he can’t say “I wuv you, mommy” like you made sure to point out. But he can make me feel better when I’m sad. And when I’m really lonely, he’s always there. When something is wrong, he just knows. He stays by my side like glue when I’m sick. When I’m happy, he wants to jump with me. When I’m scared, he wants to protect me.  He can’t draw hearts, or verbally say I love you, but that’s okay with me. He’s come up with other ways to tell me. I was under the impression human children did this as well, but who am I to say since I don’t have my own.

Really though Beth, is it okay if I call you Beth by the way? I don’t want to offend you. My entire post is a moot point because I could tell we were different parents the moment you said you could drop your dogs by the doggie spa and hop on a plane “guilt-free.” See, I can’t do that. Man, I wish I could, it would make traveling a heck of a lot easier. Instead, I worry about my pup the second I drop him off and miss him the entire time. What can I say, I’m just a crazy dog lady.

Beth, here’s the thing, I have a lot of friends who are amazing parents. And they really don’t care what I call my dog. It doesn’t concern them. They’re happy with their family and I’m happy with mine.

But I also have friends who don’t have children. Some by choice, some not by choice. And when you write a post telling them “they can’t call their dog a baby, because it’s not even close,” it’s so damn hurtful. You don’t need to remind them that their dog is not an actual baby, they’re well aware. But who are you to judge what we call our animals or how we love them?

Beth, continue to raise your children and I’ll do the same. I bet you’re a really good mom to your kids. But to your dogs? Maybe not so much. I think all of us “crazy dog people” saw red flags the moment you said “you can mostly ignore your dog.” So why don’t you let one of us come on over and take your pups home so we can raise them as our children. Because that’s the thing about us dog people, we always have room for one more, even if they’re not our own.