Last night was a good night at standup.
The room was full, we had to turn comedians away, and the people in the audience wanted to be there. They clapped, they laughed, they were on board with everything, and it made me think, damn I need to do this more.
Why don’t I do this more?
And then I woke up today exhausted and am behind on t-shirts and blog posts and I remembered that’s why I don’t do it more. The late nights kills me. I’m a wimp. I need, and I love my sleep.
My comedian friends all work their ass off. They have jobs they hate, but they tolerate them because it allows them to do what they love. When their work day is done they hit rehearsal, or their next open mic, or their next show. I’ve surrounded myself with a bunch of people who hustle and grind hard here and I like it.
But it also makes me feel like a loser. I don’t hit it nearly as hard as my friends, especially right now, when so much of my energy is focused toward t-shirts and blogging. I don’t ever clock out of my job and that’s a conscious choice I am making.
And let’s be honest, I also choose blogging and t-shirts over writing and comedy because it’s easier. It’s a wonderful distraction from thinking about the failed dreams I can’t seem to reach.
I prefer to post an Instagram that will get me 20 sales rather than write a chapter of my book. Instant gratification folks, it feels so good!
And now we’re at the point in the post where I’m debating what my original intent was for writing this. Was it to talk about the fact I always feel 100% confused and that I’m making the wrong decisions and focusing on the wrong thing? Or that 2016 is the year I’ve put comedy on the back burner because I’m hustling in a different area, the area that pays bills and allows me to book a honeymoon, not miss out on my friends bachelorettes, and possibly put money down on a house.
I don’t know when we crossed into mortgage talk, but we have and it is terrifying. Turns out real estate in Chicago isn’t cheap. So I feel the need to sell 100 more shirts a week, take on a few more sponsored posts, push the insta game just a little harder… It’s my job after all, I don’t expect someone else to do the work.
So yea, 2016 is a little pricey.
But why would 2017 be any different? We’re not doing crazy shit here, it’s just what adults do. Right? Right. I DON’T KNOW. And to think a lot of people our age have two, or even three, extra mouths to feed.
Remember that game where you put your forehead on the handle of a baseball bat, put the other end in the dirt, and then you spin around in circles really fast? Then when you come up, you try to run as fast as you can in any direction, without falling over.
Well that’s me right now every single day. I’m just running spastically all over the place trying not to fall down.
Anyone else playing?
DOING GREAT. HAPPY TUESDAY.