I’m approaching the last few months of my twenties and it’s starting to mess with my head.
I know age is just a number and it’s better than the alternative, and blah blah blah. Trust me, I give myself those pep-talks all the time. There’s just something about that big 3-0 that freaks me out and makes me question all the things. (Professionally and creatively, speaking.)
Such as…. Is there where I thought my career would be? No. And a little yes. I always knew I’d work for myself, I just wasn’t sure how. I naturally assumed I would be an underground candy saleswoman forever. Thank God that only lasted a few months in the mid 90s.
Would I work for the Schwans Man? No. But I won’t pretend there wasn’t a brief time (also in the 90s) when I considered this based solely on the fact I thought that having this job meant I could eat all of the spicy chicken strips, ice-cream drumsticks, and egg rolls my little heart desired.
And if you would have asked me when I got a little more mature (like a pre-teen) I probably would have told you that I wanted to work at a magazine. Because as a child I assumed adulthood meant working at a magazine in a big city, wearing slip dresses with strappy stilettos, and saying things like, “I have to get the marketing report done for the big meeting tomorrow, so maybe just one more Cosmo!”
Also, I was Andie Anderson. Or Jenna Rink. Because every “single successful woman” worked at a magazine in the early 2000s. And she was okay being single! But was also desperately seeking a man to show her what real happiness meant.
Where was I? Oh yes, talking about how turning 30 is messing with my head.
While I didn’t envision life as T-Shirt lady, I can’t help but appreciate the hell out of it never the less. Doing as I please (almost) every day is a huge factor on my happiness level. Also not wearing slip dresses and stilettos helps my happiness factor, as well.
The thing that stings when I think about turning 30 is the fact that I haven’t finished any major creative project up to this point.
Dreamer-Me naturally assumed I’d have five books published by now, a movie, maybe won some awards. Why not? Dreamer-Me says I can do anything.
Real-Me says then DO IT already.
The Academy Awards are on this Sunday. I watch them every year and usually cry during the acceptance speeches from newbies that say, “If I can do this, anyone can! This is for all the dreamers out there.” Those speeches get me because I believe them. But then I have to remind myself that behind all of those pretty speeches lies a lot of hard work and grit. Two things I’ve been lacking when it comes to writing.
I’ve basically put all of my creative projects on the back burner to grow my business. I know a lot of the greats know how to master both- their work and their passion projects. I just haven’t quite yet, however it’s about damn time I do.
I have three months to finish my twenties and go out on a strong note. That being said, I’ve got a lot of work to do today.