That Summertime Sadness

At the start of summer I’m like a sixteen year old who just got my driver’s license and is discovering freedom for the first time.

I make lists of all the things I’m going to see and do for the next three months. I wake up early and I stay up late. I’m overcome with immense guilt if I’m not doing everything in my power to soak up as much sunshine and outdoor air as possible. Time is wasting. Go. Go. Go.

Do all the things. Drink all the things. Patios. Boats. Rooftops. Festivals. Must. Keep. Going.

And then fast forward to the end of August. I still don’t want to summer to end and I’m definitely going to mope about it, but that young sixteen year old in me is long gone. Now I feel more like an 80 year old woman with sore old bones, who asks to be wheeled near the window, “to feel the sun on my face. If only just for a moment.”

I don’t know how to process what I’m feeling right now, but I’m somewhere in between not wanting summer to end, but also being over the feeling of thinking I need to be outside for every single second. Couch is calling. So is my old pal, isolation.

I’m more social than ever in the summer (which means I leave the house during the day at least twice a week to have interact with friends) and the 80 year old hermit inside of me is starting to beckon me back to her. Our hermit season is coming, Taylor…. Get out those old grey sweatpants you love. You know the ones. No, not the fancy ones from Nordstrom you pretend to love, I’m talking about those oversized grey ones with panther paws on the butt. The ones only we see…


And yet there’s that list I made so long ago, back when I was more youthful and so full of optimistic energy (in May.) When I look at my summer list and note the things I haven’t done yet, that old guilt cloud moves in, and with it the age old questions of,

Where did this summer go? It went too fast. What did we do? Were we gone too much? Did we waste it? How did this happen?


And for me the answer is no, I didn’t waste it. We had a great summer, I just didn’t live it off a list. And some of the things I set out to do back in May, (when I’m really being honest with myself) I’m not really even sure I want to do, but I wrote them down because I think I should do them.


*Kayak down the river*

Really? The garbage infested river where huge tour boats might run you over or even worse, bros in battery operated boats wearing neon visors? You want to do that?


Maybe I don’t.

And maybe I don’t know where this post is going, either. Does anyone know what feeling I’m talking about here?

The changing of seasons always seems to mess with my head. It’s like time is staring you straight in the face saying, we’re ready to move on, are you? 


Time
: “u up?”
Me:  … (doesn’t respond.)

Yes, I’m up. Now wheel me near the window. We’ve still got at least a month of nice weather ahead of us. So I guess I should probably make my “Things To Do In Fall” list now, because as it turns out, I never really learn.

First things first, kayak down the river! I heard it’s supposed to be great in the fall!

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26 Comments

  1. August 28, 2017 / 5:38 pm

    I totally understand what you're saying!!

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  2. August 28, 2017 / 7:53 pm

    I'm totally with you! In May I'm like a real housewife ready to "whoop it up" but now? I'm more "uh, can we make a plan to NOT have plans?!" I think the only bummer about Fall is that Winter follows. And Winter is the worst (obvs).

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  4. August 29, 2017 / 8:44 am

    I could have written this post myself. You have definitely captured that "end of summer" weird feeling, where I'm sick to my stomach that it's over, but at the same time, kind of glad and anxious for fall. I've done a lot this summer, but still that part of me feels like I haven't soaked it up enough. Such a frigging weird time of year.

  5. August 29, 2017 / 10:43 am

    MAN, I'm not ready for summer to be over. I love fall like the (fake) basic bitch I am, but seriously, I love summer. Granted it'll be hot as hades here for at LEAST another month, but college football is starting … i bought oktoberfest last week …. STOPPPPP. MUST BEACH MORE….

  6. August 29, 2017 / 2:02 pm

    I'm not ready for summer to end at all. Winters in NY suck and I really can't stand snow. I love everything about summer and I get the little kid excitement about it too!

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  13. September 16, 2017 / 10:47 am

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    Hi everyone,
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    I'm so excited.
    My ex-boyfriend is back after a breakup,I’m extremely happy that will are living together again.
    My name is Silvia Soulez
    My boyfriend of a 4yr just broke up with me and am 30 weeks pregnant.I have cried my self to sleep most of the nights and don’t seem to concentrate during lectures sometimes I stay awake almost all night thinking about him and start to cry all over again.Because of this I end up not having energy for my next day’s classes ,my attendance has dropped and am always in uni and on time.Generally he is a very nice guy ,he ended it because he said we were arguing a lot and not getting along.He is right we’ve been arguing during the pregnancy a lot .After the break up I kept ringing him and telling him I will change.I am in love with this guy and he is the best guy I have ever been with.I’m still hurt and in disbelief when he said he didn’t have any romantic feelings towards me anymore that hurt me faster than a lethal syringe.He texts me now and then mainly to check up on how am doing with the pregnancy,he is supportive with it but it’s not fair on me, him texting me as I just want to grieve the pain and not have any stress due to the pregnancy.i was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr.Goodluck can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a spell for me. 17 hours later, my bf came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my bf are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr.Goodluck. If you have any problem contact Dr.Goodluck now and i guarantee you that he will help you.Email him at: [email protected]
    Call or Whats-app him: +2348138654465
    or on his website. http://lovereunitingspell.webs.com

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