As I sat in bed last night contemplating whether or not I was ready for the responsibility to take on a short-term foster dog for the weekend, my sister brought a third human into the world.
I repeat, while I was debating if I was ready for an additional dog (for 5-6 days only) my sister had another child (for life.)
Vivienne was born around 4:00 a.m. this morning. And if this were child number one, I wouldn’t be writing this post right now. Instead, I’d be worried it wasn’t time to share just yet! Did my sister have the correct pictures taken? Had she told family? What about friends? Had she posted the “We are so in love!” Facebook update yet?
But since it’s child number three, I know this kid will probably be walking out of the hospital pushing her own suitcase, whilst making her own Facebook status by tomorrow already.
What I’m saying is that rules go out the window with the third. I can say this because I’m a third child.
And I turned out okay, right Harlow?
Hells ya, you did. Now let’s go get a Bloody Mary! It’s nearly 9 a.m.!
(Then Harlow and I cackle and high five like the old crazy dogs we are.)
As I was saying, I turned out okay.
Well, I was okay until I started googling things about pregnancy and labor last night. There was a lot I didn’t know. It all started with the word “cervix,” and then things spiraled pretty quick from there.
The female body is incredible. We shed things and plug things and pop things. And wow. There’s just a lot going on inside of us. We’re like a full functioning factory. If the human body were online retailers, women would be Amazon.com because WE DO IT ALL. And men would be Joseph A. Banks because they basically just make cheap suits.
I’m kidding! Chill, boys.
After learning about our bodies I stumbled onto animal births somehow.
Did you know Pandas give birth to babies the size of a mouse? Think about the size of a panda. Then think about the size of a mouse. That makes sense to me.
You know what doesn’t make sense? Humans giving birth to humans the size of watermelon. Zero. Sense.
I would have thought that by the year 2017 we’d have figured out a better way to do this by now. We’ve got cars that drive themselves and iphones that open on facial recognition, and yet we’re still kicking it old school when it comes to childbirth.
And yes, I’m aware several moms enjoy the “miracle the of birth.” That’s wonderful. Incredible, really. I applaud those moms. I wish I could say I look forward to someday experiencing this miracle.
But truthfully, I’m not so sure I do.
I wish we could lay eggs. I feel like I’d be pretty okay sitting in a warm incubator just relaxing on my eggs for a few months, catching up on Netflix, sending emails, doing whatever. (In my mind that’s how I envision this all would work.)
And today’s post has been brought to you by ten-year-old me! I am all over the place, my apologies. So much going on in my head.
Long story short, Chris and I are not ready to have children. Someday, yes. Today, no!
But to every mom who has birthed children, you amaze me. You grew a small human inside of you. Meanwhile, I’m still struggling to grow proper eyebrows.
I think I should wrap this up now.
And yes, we’re getting a foster brother for Harlow tomorrow 🙂 One of us is more excited than the other.
Bye! And happy birthday, baby Vivi! Can’t wait to meet you.