With the holidays right around the corner, I figured there’s no time like today to talk about what else, but my favorite holiday hair-style!
Naturally, I mean tying your hair “in rags” to achieve that perfect “holiday curl.” Who needs boring old curling irons or foam curlers when you can just cut up an old pillow case or t-shirt and tie it in your hair?
And by “holiday curl” I mean an odd frizzy puff that has an eerily similar look to a wig you might find in a high school theater prop box that hasn’t been combed out since the 1979 production of Grease!
Personally, I’m a BIG fan of this look. I rocked it every single holiday from 1989-1998. However, I will admit it’s not the easiest to achieve. But follow my steps below, and you might get close!
1. Must dress in a Jazzercize t-shirt at least thirteen sizes too big, OR, a very chic teddy bear sweater WITH a turtleneck underneath, prior to tying hair in rags. This is a must.
2. As mentioned above, the “rags” can be made by cutting up an old t-shirt, (just NOT the jazzercise one!) or an old pillow case, sheets, a dusting cloth, really anything works. The name of this hairstyle is literally “rags,” so let’s not get too picky here.
3. Cut the rags an inch to fifty-five inches apart, depending on if you’re me or my sister doing the cutting. I suggest doing this whilst watching Troop Beverly Hills, Death Becomes Her, or The House Sitter.
4. After rags are cut and ready to go, take a break to eat homemade popcorn from a large metal bowl.
5. When it’s time to “tie in the rags,” first promise your mom you won’t throw a huge fit like you do every Christmas because you have a very sensitive scalp and it hurts when she pulls!
6. Immediately throw an insanely huge fit once first hair is pulled too hard.
7. Calm down a bit as sister sits quietly while mom ties in sister’s rags because sister is the nice one.
8. Go find a red and green sprinkled Little Debbie zebra cake to munch on while tears dry on face.
9. Return to living room and say you’re ready to start again.
10. Post cry-hiccup while mom proceeds to start the tying/knotting process again to ensure she remembers just how much she scarred you only 20 minutes previous.
11. Forget about pain for a moment because it’s your favorite scene in Troop Beverly Hills when they’re all dancing and singing, “it’s cookie time! it’s cookie time!”
12. Immediately resume sad face once scene ends so you don’t blow your cover of how much this hurts your head.
13. Let mom finish, but still occasionally scream “OUCH!” right up until the very end. She must never forget.
14. Take a photo in front of Christmas tree to make sure you always remember this wonderful moment (eyes still very glossy from tears shed.)
15. Sleep like garbage because there’s 100 pieces of old t-shirt (also known as actual garbage) knotted up all over you head.
16. Wake up the next morning, take out the rags, and relish in your beautiful Curly Sue hair! Then slap that shit with a bucket of hair spray (go heavy on the curly bangs) and put on your crushed velvet/gold lace holiday dress and smirk for a pic like the badass 90s bitch you are.
It was all worth it. It always was.