At the beginning of the year (which now seems ages ago) I told myself that 2014 is the year I really give this comedy thing a go. If I like it I'll keep doing it, but if I tire of it in a few months I'll know it's not for me. So far I think it's for me. Each time I grab the mic I'm getting more and more addicted.
On Monday night I went back to the spot where I was a finalist in their open-mic competition a few weeks ago. You know what I'm talking about, that contest where I mentioned it's basically a joke to everyone else except me because I was genuinely excited to be named the "runner-up." Well the judges were in my favor again this week because I actually won it this time around. It didn't hurt that my mom was there clapping her very loudest when the host asked the audience who they thought should win. My mom is also a very loud "woo'r," she gets it from her Jazzercise days I think.
My only regret about the night came when the three finalists had to answer questions from the audience and one girl raised her hand and asked, "If you could kill anyone, who would it be?" I don't know if it's because the girl kinda annoyed me, or just because I didn't like the question, but without thinking I immediately responded, "I think I'd kill you right now."
And then she got this horrible look on her face and I knew I had taken it too far. So I immediately backtracked and was like "KIDDING! I'm obviously joking. I don't know you, I wouldn't kill you. I wouldn't kill anyone..." But it was bad. So to the girl from Monday night whom I said I wanted to kill, if you're reading this I'm sorry! I just got nervous being on the spot and tried to make a funny joke but it was not funny at all (even though everyone laughed) I know it wasn't appropriate and I genuinely feel bad. You shouldn't be killed, I hope you have a long happy life in fact.
*Maybe someday I'll get photos of me doing stand-up that aren't totally blurry and grainy and 90s looking. But probably not, this isn't a glamorous business.
Now that that's taken care of let's talk about last night. I went back to the place I bombed a few weeks ago and was determined to make a better impression. Not a lot of people showed up because it was -35 outside so I got a little bit longer time to do my set which was nice. I tried out some of my new jokes about how hipsters in Chicago and meth heads in Nebraska actually have a lot more in common than you'd think (love for cut-off jean shorts, very productive during the evening hours, pale skin and gaunt faces)... it's a joke in progress right now, but there's something there. And if you're a hipster reading this and you're offended it's only because you know it's true. And by the way why on earth are you reading a blog on blogger? Get your ass back to Tumblr.
When we were about to leave and all of the other comedians had told my mom "good bye Mrs. Wolfe!" (she was the belle of the ball last night) the host came up to me and asked if I'd be interested in being in a showcase he hosts at a comedy bar on Thursday nights. As in this would be my first paid comedy gig (not an open mic!) It won't be for a few weeks yet because they book their comedians out ahead of time, but still. You better believe I'm excited as hell. Like Jessie Spano excited.
So to those of you who have asked where you can come see me do stand-up (and by the way thank you so much for even asking, it makes me happier than you know) I will finally tell you! I know some of you probably thought I was being a little shady because I'd always shrug it off and never officially let you know where I was telling jokes (but I promise this was only me trying to prevent you from attending the weird experience that is an open-mic) but now that I might actually have a real booking I will tell the world. When it happens... I still don't know dates yet. I just wanted to clear that up because I'm always so thrilled when someone asks to see me and felt like such an ass when I never followed it up with a clear response. But now you know.
Happy hump day, friends. We're almost to Friday and it's above 15 degrees in Chicago. What more could a girl ask for?