A Father's Day Gift Guide

Friday, June 13, 2014

Wire hangers.
Because dads are the only people I know who actually use and seem to prefer wire hangers. My mom on the other hand? Well I'm pretty sure Mommy Dearest was written after her. NO MORE WIRE HANGERS on her side of the closet.

More socks.
Dads just can't have enough socks. Especially numerous pairs of socks that look almost exactly the same. Let's just say 50 Shades of Grey could have been a novel written about my dad's sock drawer. So could have 50 shades of navy and black and tan and opaque.

A new hair brush.
My dad has had the same black hair brush for as long as I've known him (and we go way back.) If you hold the thing up to your ear you can actually hear the 1970s die.

A locked safe for a nail clipper kit.
A dad's most prize procession might be his nail clipper kit. If anyone touches it, or moves it, or God forbid uses one of the two nail clippers inside the little black leather pouch the outcome will not be good. That's why it only makes sense to get dad a safe to keep his most important things, like nail clippers.

Garden tools.
This can include but is not limited to a watering pot, outdoor scissors (not to be confused with indoor scissors) and miniature shovels for digging soil. All of which you should probably get his initials engraved on just to ensure there's no confusion about who's tools they actually are.

Lint roller.
Go to Costco and ask the manager for the biggest box of lint rollers they have. Then demand to see something bigger. And when you do, buy ten of those boxes and give them to dad on Sunday. He will lose his shit. Dads love lint rollers.

Chords and old chargers.
If there's one thing dads love, it's collecting chords and old battery chargers in their chord and old battery charger drawer. If you don't know what the chord or charger belongs to that's even better! Old phone chargers, camera chargers, computer chargers, car chargers, it's all a part of the mystery and fun!

Bar soap.
Forget fancy bath gels and lotions, dads love bar soap. The cheaper and less luxurious it is the better. Watch his eyes light up as he stacks a new one right on top of the small sliver of the old one that he still keeps in the shower "just in case."

Windshield scraper.
To keep in the car in case the other seven he keeps in the car don't work. Always better to be safe than sorry.

A passcode for the thermostat that only he knows.
Because a house temp should always stay at 74 degrees, why does no one else understand this? WHY?

Wishing a very happy Father's Day to all of the dads out there!

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  1. This is hilarious. My dad has so many pairs of socks that he throws them away when he takes them off... unless they're really awesome. If I heard "Dammit where are my nail clippers?! STOP MOVING THEM!" once I heard it a thousand times as a kid. Hahaha.

  2. Love the passcode for the thermostat! My dad recently actually turned the air conditioner off at the source so that my mom and sister couldn't keep turning it on.

  3. So true! I love the one about the nail clippers the most! That is so my dad! He'd always scream at us kids if they weren't in his leather pouch. He did start hiding them after a while so we couldn't find them:)

  4. the windshield scraper. that's brilliant and so necessary.

  5. Spot on! This is my dad exactly too. But you mean lint roller, right?

    1. Hah yes! I swear I typed lint rather than lent. Now I'm laughing at the thought of a "lent roller."

  6. The wire hangers. You nailed this list completely!

  7. This is perfect!! My dad would die for a locked safe for his fingernail clippers. Maybe even with a tiny chandelier at the top and red velvet interior, those clippers are very important!

  8. The chords and old chargers... Yes!! What's the point?? My husband does it too... And he's a dad now but has been doing that for a lot longer :) And my dad is the worst with the thermostat.

  9. This is hysterical - more my grandad than my dad but so true!

  10. I always find it hard to know what to buy my father for fathers day same goes for Tim

  11. Lol yes...bar soap and a new hair brush. spot on!

  12. These are pretty much accurate! Haha, especially the 50 shades of grey socks.


  13. Hahah this is too funny and totally true! This year my dad told me to just get him beer... I believe his exact quote was "and don't get me that expensive crap just get me a 30 pack of miller lite." Such an easy man to shop for :)

  14. Too funny. Flashlights! My husband will always check out a flashlight.. the bigger the better. The smaller the better! He loves them all.
    Men are so simple that way. But that must be why we love 'em because we're so damn complicated.

  15. These are hilarious. I will hands down agree with the bar soap thing. Shower gel? nope my dad is not down with it.

  16. this is pretty much spot on for my dad!! his brush is so old I am disgusted by the sight of it!